12 Guesses.

Let's play a game.

I'm listening to a sound.
I give you clues.
You guess what it is.

Here we go...

1. It's annoying.


2. Let's see, it's almost 2:00PM and I've been listening to it since 12:45PM.


3. It sounds like springs on a bed. Going up and down, up and down, up and down.


4. It sounds like something hitting the wall, hitting the wall, hitting the wall.


5. Oh mercy, that sound just then sounded like someone keying my car. That can't be good.


6. Now there's silence.


7. Okay, noise again.

8. Now laughter.


9. Now I hear the word "no" being repeated one right after the other in furious repetition. Followed by the words, "yes I can, yes I can, yes I can..."

Need more? Really???

10. Okay, now I hear someone yelling "Remi Hope! Go to sleep!!" at the top of their lungs.

11. Now I've heard a crash. (That would be the letter R being knocked off of her wall for the 112th day in a row.) Followed up by someone screaming, "It okay Momma, it's okay Momma, it's okay Momma."


12. Now I hear spring on bed again as she throws her body weight down as fast as she can for fear Momma will walk up the stairs. (Aaahh youth...she hasn't yet realized Momma is far too lazy to do that.)

-----------------28 minutes later-----------------

12. Sweet sweet silence.

"These are the things I could do without..."

Today's post is going to sound like I am in an awfully bad mood. Truly, I'm not. I just had a couple of these things happen to me in like, the past, 3 days...and it got me to thinkin'.

And so Tears for Fears said it best when they said,

"Shout. Shout. Let it all out. These are the things I could do without, so come on. I'm talking to you. Come on."

Oh, man. That was deep. Leave it to an 80's tune to say what my heart is truly feeling.

10. When the waitress walks up to your table and offers dessert and before you can say a word the person you are sitting across from at the table boldly declares, "oh my word - I couldn't eat another bite."

"Yeah...uhhhhh....me neither."

9. When two families are going out for dinner and when discussing where they should go eat...one of the families let their kids decide.

This is a social "no-no," people.

8. When tasting a dessert one friend says to the other, "Ooohhh I couldn't eat another bite of this. It is so rich."

Okay, this is just rude. Because it is not rich to me. Not at all. In fact, I thought it needed a touch more icing and now I am truly thankful I didn't say that because wouldn't that be embarrassing?

7. When the Attorney General takes me out to dinner THEN to a movie and when I ask for popcorn he says, "WE JUST ATE!"

He's right, of course. But it just feels like popcorn is the right move. I mean, why else did we come to a movie? Am I alone, here, people?

6. When I tell people I have a blog and they say, "How do you have time to do that? I would never have time for that."

Really? Because I find anywhere from 7 to 10 hours a day that I just do absolutely nothing.

5. When trying desperately to make conversation you ask someone if they watch _____ (fill in the blank with your favorite T.V. show) and they state, "I don't have time to watch T.V."

"Really? Because that's all I do is watch T.V. In fact, I haven't bathed since Veteran's day because all I've been doing is watching T.V."

4. People who wear heels with shorts.

If you are over the age of 21. Put your heels away. You do not look, I repeat, you do not look like Tyra Banks. No matter what your husband tells you.

3. People who tell me my "blog is so cute."

Cute? Seriously? Cute?

2. Messages on my phone that only say, "Hey Melissa, this is ____. Call me. I need to ask you something" or people who leave a voice mail saying, "Tag - you're it!"

Uuhhh...no. If you have something to ask me. Do it right then. So that I have time to come up with an excuse as to why I can't help you move, keep your child or go in with you on a garage sale.

1. When I have put the very first bite in my mouth and someone says "you have something between your teeth."

Chances are, if you will let me swallow this bite and drink some of my beverage the problem will take care of itself. Or maybe just let me finish my meal and then we can take care of all my teeth at one time.

So what about you? What gets under your skin?

Cuz You Gotta Have Friends.

I never laugh at forwards. Not ever. In fact, I really don't like forwards. You know the ones....This bear will break out into a song if you send this to 13 people who have been a cuddly bear with you! Or my all time favorite - Let's tell our senator that we want to bring back the swatch watch and the Coca-cola shirts. So sign this petition and send it on. Please don't break the chain.

Aargh!!!!


But the one below, actually got me tickled.


So today I'm going to tell you about some of my friends. Not all of my friends, mind you - or we'd be here for a year. I am an extremely popular person. But just some that stuck-out in my mind as I read this the other day.


Oh yeah...I'm gettin' specific.


Here's what it said:

Are you tired of those filly little 'friendship' poems that always sound good,

but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of TRUE friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

Well, we don't call her Scrappy Doo for nothing. This shout out goes to my friend April, who I swear must walk around with a .42 in her purse at all times. If you want a friend who will defend your name and your honor till the bitter end - then look her up. She is well worth it. But I warn you - she packs heat.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

Here we have Nicolle. Whom I love and adore. Who can make me laugh any day of the week...and has. I called her after my first kiss and my first heartbreak. When I'm down she cheers me up - but not with sappy cards or kisses or flowers. But by making fun of herself. Or me. Whatever works at the time. And I love it! Plus, she's a nurse. So this just made good sense.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

We are literally night and day. Daylight and Dark. Black and white. Apples and oranges. But let me tell ya...when I need someone to ride shotgun on my "missions" - Meridith is who I want. She's sly. She's quiet. And you never see her coming. That is the most dangerous kind of friend. And I LOVE IT!

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

Rhonda Brady. Rhonda Brady. Rhonda Brady. (Are you supposed to use people's first and last names on the internet? Or is that terribly unsafe? Oh, it is? Good.) Rhonda Brady.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

Oh, mom. Dear, sweet, mom. My best friend in the entire universe. If it's happening to me - it's already happened to her. But even worse. Because it happened years ago. When she was broke. And just married. And didn't know what to do. And there was no air conditioning. So quit complaining. I lived through it. You can too.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

Sweet Teresa. A woman of few - but impactful - words. I love her for the pure reason that why dress up in 12 paragraphs what you can easily say in 2 sentences? I once stood at her kitchen sink and poured out my heart, my soul, my problem to her for 30 whole minutes, snot and tears and the works. Her response? "No. Don't do that. It's stupid."

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

This goes out to my friend Kelli, who I think once actually avoided my phone calls because I had strep throat. Which is ironic since she is sick every other day. But if you are sick, forgetaboutit. She ain't having none of it. If you were invited - you're uninvited. If you're there and having a good time - you'll be asked to leave. If you are in the middle of a sentence and sneeze - you'll be ushered out the door. She's a dear, really.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy self!

Oh, this is sooooo Ronnie Freeman. He will point and laugh and mock and make a scene. He will laugh till he cries. He will laugh till you absolutely want to kill him. And yet I love him. Why God, why?? Because I would do the exact same thing to him. And have.

This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get really depressed

because you can only think of 4!

Well, that's how the email ended. But I say we do this...if you are reading this post then it's your turn. Take a moment, copy this down, and add your own friends to the list.

It's official - You've been tagged!

S-s-s-saucy weekend.

So how was your weekend?


Mine was...well, my mom is still here...so I guess that means it was...again, how was your weekend?


Oh, for pete's sake, I'm kidding.


Ours was actually really nice.


There was some fried rice eating, Wal-Mart grocery shopping, Saturday morning sleeping-in, eatin' mamma's roast, and lounging in elastic waist pants.


Good times.


There was also a wedding I had to sing at. But what can I say? I am sought out by every bride between here and Timbuktu. I think it's all the feeling I can emote and my ability to cry on cue.


But all those weekend festivities led up to the real event.....Remi's 2 year old birthday party. Which should have been called "the party that almost wasn't." Actually, it kind of was the party that wasn't. (I don't think that made sense. But I'm all hopped up on buttercream icing, so bear with me.)


Remi has run fever for 2 days.
Her Poppy and Mally got detained in Texas due to their dog running away (which is another blog for another day) and barely made it in time.
We tried to rent a moon-jumpy-bouncy-thingy, but considering the thunderstorms we were scheduled to have no one wanted to rent it to us.
And no one ever really RSVP's on Evite. So that makes it kind of hard to plan, ya know?
So I decided that all signs pointed to - next year!


So, we opted for hot dogs and Blue Bell.


But my best friends, who adore Remi (and adore me, if I'm being honest) crashed it - and I am so glad they did! What should have been some cold wienies on paper plates turned in to a house full of love, 1400 gits of sidewalk chalk and bubble machines, and CHILI-CHEESE DOGS!!Yep, the "party that was never supposed to be" turned in to "the perfect little party that was."


I loved it.
Oh, and Remi loved it too.


And Nonie made her strawberry cake.
And I made my buttercream icing.
And heaven was silent for a moment.


Okay, that's a tad over dramatic but I've been singing at a wedding and I'm still fake crying all over the place.


Oh, and one last thing. See that fab little button under my Lipo, Lifts and Links section? Well, it's called The Secret is in the Sauce. It's saucy and I think you should check it out. It's by my long-lost friends Heather and Tiffany who faithfully comment here daily, even though we've never met and they might not like me in real life if they knew what jean size I recently moved in to. Please check them out. And if you don't believe that the secret really is in the sauce...just ask Remi.

Sometimes A Mom...

Sometimes when mom's come in to town...

They tell that your roots need to be done.
But then they ask you what they should do with their hair, and trust what you have to say.

They tell you that you need to dust and clean your baseboards.
But then they take care of both when your out of the room.

They say things like, "Melissa, you are acting ridiculous" or "Melissa, quit acting like that."
But then say things in private about how proud they are of you and the woman you've become.

They tell you that you eat out too much and need to save money.
So they take you out for fried green tomatoes and chocolate cake and they pay.

They can make you feel like a child all over again.
But then sit across the table at lunch and talk to you like you're their very best friend and peer.

They make dinner for you even though they gripe that "you have nothing in your pantry."
And then take you to the grocery store and spend, like, $300 to fill your fridge.

You roll your eyes at everything they say because they have no idea what they're talking about.
And sometimes you take notes.

You can't wait for them to leave.
And other times, you pray they'll stay just a little bit longer.

Until I Have a Title...Here's a Bunch of Questions.

It is time now for our Friday fun-for-all. I’m trying to think of a clever name for it, and welcome your suggestions. I thought about…“It’s Friday: You Ask – I Answer” or, well, I’ll be honest, that’s all I got.

But I don’t like it. So help me. I want something cute and clever. Now, rarely do I think anyone as cute and clever as me - I’ll just be honest - but this time I am opening myself up to the possibilities that one of you may be as creative, or even more so, than me.

That’s a hard pill to swallow.

So, without further ado, let’s get this ball rollin’.

Little Miss Jenni writes: I'd love to be more clever, but I'm just seriously desperate. As a newlywed who has NEVER been a cook…I need cooking ideas for a man with a healthy appetite but who doesn't like casseroles or eggs…P.S. Pleasssssssssssssse tell me about the time you tried out for cheerleader.

Well, Jenni, here are my thoughts…and they run deep, so get ready. I’ve never known a man who doesn’t like two things: meat and potatoes. Okay, three things. But I digress. Now, I will also add that I’ve never known a man who doesn’t care if his meat and potatoes are thrown into one huge dish, covered in cheese and baked for one hour at 350 degrees. So this is an oddity, your man. But I get a lot of my ideas from my two favorite websites that offer recipes: www.southernliving.com and www.pauladeen.com

I’m sure you’ve heard of both and so I’m not telling you anything you don’t know, but what I love about Southern Living is the ease of the recipes and the fact that if Southern Living calls for it – you can almost be assured you will have it in your pantry. Once it called for dried mustard and I was so angry I almost cancelled my subscription; but I haven’t had that happen since, so all is good now.

And then there’s Paula – and what man doesn’t like a big helping of Paula on their plate? And the great thing about her website is each recipe is given a difficulty level (look for it at the bottom of each recipe) and you can bet that if it says medium – I am outta there! I’ve never even rested my eyes on one that says difficult. I am all about easy and Paula has plenty of these.

I also want to tell you about a blog that I just came across the other day from one of my friendly readers, called In Mama’s Kitchen. She has some really easy, southern, down-home recipes. And I love that! She also cooks for a house full of boys, so I figure she’s got the upper hand on that whole, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” thing.

In summary, don’t be afraid to try different things. Try pasta, taco salads, or make him grill. And remember - don’t make it fancy, just make it fattening!

And no, no cheerleader tryout story. My therapist says I am not ready to talk about it.

My Darling Debbie writes: I figure your husband is a lawyer. But do you call him AG because he is an elected official AG or that is just your nickname for him?

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, you just told me in that one question that you don’t read my blog every day. Because didn’t I just discuss this a couple of days ago? Yes, Debbie, I think I did. So your punishment is that you have to go read this post again. Punishment, indeed.

But as to not be too hard on you, I will admit I hear that question quite a lot. About two years ago – before this blog ever even existed, I began calling him The Attorney General. I wanted to call him that while he was in Law School but he made me wait until he passed the Bar. Which he did.
First time.
My man.
So the moment I could uncross my fingers on that one, I started calling him that and it just stuck. Granted, I don’t call him that around the house. I have a plethora of names I use around the house. But the Attorney General is how I shall refer to him to you all, because why? Because my husband is a rules man. If you play a game with him, you had better follow every single rule and leave nothing out. If you ask him a question you had better plan on a 30 minute explanation that involves strategies from Fortune 500 and INC magazine. He is all things business and law and structure and rules and forms and legislature and policy. Whereas I am all things whimsy and girly and silly and obnoxious and free-for-all and undisciplined.

And I absolutely adore him.

Lovely Leah writes: First let me start by saying that I'm new to your blog but I LOVE it!!! Ok here goes ......... my question is in regards to dealing with difficult family members. Aside from my parents, all the other immediate family members in my life (my brother and his wife, my husband's parents, both of my husband's brothers and their wives) it's a one way relationship. If me and my husband don't make the effort then we probably would not be in contact with anyone in our family. We've been married a little over 15 years and have a 14 year old son and 12 year old daughter and it just pains me to see that their grandparents (my husband's parents) don't even put in any type of effort to get to know their grandkids, and I might be partial but they are really wonderful, fun kids!

Well, Leah, let me just start by saying, I suppose I could have left that first sentence out and not posted it for the world to see, but I figured that would disappoint you – and I’m about makin’ my readers happy.

Your question bothered me, and, well, I won’t lie, kinda made me mad. For you. And your family. I don’t understand grandparents that don’t want to see grandbabies grow up. I don’t understand brothers that don’t want relationships with brothers. Or cousins that don’t get the chance to run and play with cousins. I think of the relationships your children are going to miss out on, and I’m sad by it.

However, at the end of this life my hope would be that you and your husband could look back and say “we did what we know to be right. Whether reciprocated or not. Whether accepted or denied. Whether we got hurt or not. We did the right thing.” The right thing will be what your kids remember. The right thing will be what God blesses. And the right thing will be what causes your children and their children to remain close to you and your husband throughout the years. Keep, keep, keep on doing the right thing.

I’ll be honest - I don’t understand issues like this because I don’t have issues like this. As we speak my mom is the next room and I’ve asked her 12 times when she’s going home and she keeps changing the subject. And I have in-laws who would drive in their sleep to be with us for anything at anytime. I am blessed. I know this. But I am sympathetic to you and your kiddos none the less.

But ya know, this is where my sweet readers come in, it’s why I call them “my lovelies” because they are…and maybe they have some advice for you. And I hope that each of the comments in the comment section have words of wisdom for Leah if you have any idea what she’s going through.

Oh, blogging is nice. It really really is.

That’s all for this week, ya’ll. I have more questions that I plan on getting to next Friday. And yours are welcome any time, remember that! Just email them in to me.

So here’s your homework:
1. Think me up a creative name
2. Keep coming up with questions
3. And leave comments for your fellow blog readers.

Oh, and also, this weekend, be safe. Because I really do like ya’ll.

The Last Time I Talked to My Mother...

Before we go any further let me go on record as saying...it's gonna be one slllooowww Friday if ya'll don't participate. Now, go back and read what I posted yesterday and get on it! How can I pass on the wisdom of my fathers and my fore-fathers if ya'll don't ask me anything. I would eventually like for this to be an every Friday occurance. And once you see how not-dumb I am about stuff that's clever and kinda like, smart and stuff, you'll want me to share all my brain goings-on every week. Lucky you's guys.

Well, my mom is in town. And look people, I can't just let something like that pass me by. I have to use her for fodder. It's what I do. And if I let her get on that plane and leave without making tremendous fun of her, then what was it all for?

I haven't posted a "The Last Time..." in quite some time now. It isn't from not having the material - oh, I have the material. It's from not having the time. Trying to narrow down 30+ years of everything that woman has said or done takes some time.

So last night, as she sat in the leather recliner watching the NBA game, I decided to poke at her a little; ya know, just to see where it got me.

Me: Mom, maybe I should interview you.

Mom: Don't interview me. You are just going to make fun of me.

Me: No, I'm not I'm just going to ask you questions and you have to answer them, okay?

Mom: I'm not doing this. I'm too tired. And I have to go take my face off.

* It should be noted that's her way of saying "remove my make-up." It used to make me run screaming from the room, but I'm used to her sayings now.

Me: Mom, let's talk about a distinct memory we have of the years past.

Attorney General: Tell them about Sam Moon's.

Mom: Uh, Mr. AG? Who asked you to chime in?

Me: Oh yeah, that's a good one.

Mom: No. It's not a good one.

*At this point you should know that Sam Moon's is a shopping district in Houston known for it's low-end prices, high-end look. Everything is a knock-off. Everything says "Pradda" (with two d's) or "Succi" (instead of Gucci.) It is always busy. Mom and I make our guys take us down there. Often.

AG: Okay, set it up for them by telling them that she was wearing all yellow.

Mom: A lot of people wear all yellow!

AG: Not like that - you looked like a school bus. You had on a yellow shirt, shorts, socks, shoes and a yellow hat.

Mom: I did not have on a hat! You are lying! Liar!! Liar!!

Me: She didn't have on a hat. Now, continue...

AG: You came out of that car and you never even saw that curb. And man, you went flying! I mean you took a nose dive.

Me: (laughing hysterically.)

Mom: Ya know, If I wanted to be persecuted I could have just stayed home.

Me: Okay, we're s....

AG: I mean you didn't just trip. You fell right out, with your little yellow shorts and your yellow shirt flying up over you. And you broke all your nails on one hand, didn't you?

Mom: Yes, all of them.

AG: I will never forget you just rolling, rolling, rolling. Like a bright yellow penguin...until you just stopped.

Mom: (She is laughing too. Don't be fooled.) And not one of ya'll offered to help me up. Even your daddy just stood over me, looking at me and laughing.

AG: (Tears rolling) Man, good times. Good times.

Me: Meridith said I should write about all your "sayings."

Mom: Oh she did, did she?

Me: Like "I'm gonna slap you naked and hide your clothes."

Mom: That's a real saying...

Me: Or, "you look like you been rode hard and put up wet."

AG: Oh yeah, I bet that never got mis-translated.

Me: Should I tell them about the time our brand new pastor didn't understand what you were saying and he told the deacon board that he wanted to know why you kept telling him you were going to "Slap him naked and spank his bottom."

Me and AG: (laughing hysterically.)

Mom: I'm leaving now.

Me: Mom, don't go.

Mom: Why don't you tell them about the time you had to kiss Milton? Or the time you tried on bathing suits in the dressing room for me and I laughed so hard I almost passed out? Or the time you blew your knee out from attempting a certain dance move in your bedroom? What about those???

Me: Because those things make me look foolish - and that is not what this blog is about.

Mom: Uh, huh. Thought so. I'm going to take my face off now and read my paper.

*It should be noted here that when she says she is going to read her paper - it is ONLY the obituaries. Which she oftentimes finds amusing and tears them out to keep them.

Me: Okay, mom. I promise we won't do this the whole time you're here...

*It should be noted that yes, yes we will.

...I promise. It's just that I had been going blank lately and couldn't think of any stories from me and you.

Mom: Maybe that's God telling you something.

Just don't ask me about Denise Richards. It's complicated.

Well, as you can tell by my last post I needed some down time. So, I didn't post yesterday. Thank you for letting me do that. I have to say, I really like you all. I really do. Thanks.

It was kind of a blue day. The rain was still pushing down, my house was messy (which never helps your feelings) and my mom is coming in town.

Oh, Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?

Actually I was thinking of making a list of "ten things I really need when I'm down." But I didn't. However, if I had, number 10 would have been - My mom. No one can make me laugh more (I laugh both with her, and at her) and no one can cook for me like she does. And I will be requesting she do both while she's here.

We don't have a lot planned. I did order us some movies from Netflix, but she pretty much owns stock in the TruTV channel, so I figure we'll have that on most of the time. TruTV is true crime TV shows, one right after another. Or "slasher TV", as my dad likes to call it. Which makes her so mad.

She'll want to eat at Genghis Grill. And go to downtown Franklin at least once.

And the rest will be Remi, Remi, Remi. Day and night. Night and day. Which is good. Cuz I plan to nap.

Not much else going on around here. As I sit typing I have on the E! Channel reality show on Denise Richards, called Denise Richard: It's Complicated (which is ironic, cause it's really not). Which begs me to reconsider my stance on finding anything I care less about than exercising. Ladies and gentleman, exercising has just moved up a notch. Somebody call my doctor, who will be thrilled.

I did want to let you all know that this Friday I will be trying my hand at something - but it involves help from you. So I'm just gonna lay this out there - if you don't participate...I will be soooooo embarrassed. Here's the deal. This Friday I will be having a "You ask, I answer" day. Any question you have - send it my way. And when I say any question, I mean any question.
If it's about me - I'll answer it.
If it's about the Attorney General or Remi - I'll answer it.
If it's about cooking or cleaning or Cajun cuisine - I'll answer it.
If it's about your love life, your left foot or your leftovers - again, I'll answer it.
You ask. I answer.

All I ask is, just keep it clean, people. Keep it clean. Because I've lived a very sheltered life and let's be honest...I wouldn't know what to answer anyway.

*Side note: Since my mom will be here, I may be having her join me in the question-asking festivities. And if you have never met her, let me just say that should add a whole 'nother light on this thang!

So right over there on that little button that says "Melissa, I'd like a word with you" - just click on that and shoot me an email. DO NOT leave your questions in the comment section, because I will probably get around 10,000 questions and I won't be able to answer them all and I'll need to leave some for the next week. And we don't want to ruin the surprise for everyone, do we? No. We don't.

Okay, 10,000 was a guess. Just a guess. We'll see.

So let's see what you got. Oh, and if by any chance you are in my family and just want to humiliate me - do me a solid and don't email me questions like, "Melissa tell us about the time you tried out for cheerleader." Cause that's just mean.

I do, however, think this would be a great way to show you all that I'm not just a super savvy, charismatic, personality-filled, triple-threat, with a pretty face. I'm also smart. And humble.

As Jerry says to Kramer, every time Kramer had a "good" idea, "Oh yeah, that'll work."

Let your questions.....start.......NOW!

It is, after all, Memorial Day.

I rarely post twice in one day. I'm too lazy. And too boring, to be perfectly honest.

But I'm having a moment.

And so I will now act as if this blog is my journal. Here's what I write...

My house is so quiet. After a very full day of chocolate chip pancakes and 15 trips around the zoo we are finally back home and my two dearest loves are asleep. I, however, couldn't sleep.

My house is dark. It is Memorial Day. It should be sunny and hot. We should be splashing in a plastic pool and grilling the steaks we've been marinating. But it's raining outside. Lightening. Thundering. The satellite on my TV won't work in the storm - so there is no light from the TV screen. All is dark.

And I, well, I miss my boy.

I miss him so terribly that I wish (at this moment) that I could rewind time and say "No" to God. I know me, though, and in a few hours or a few days I will regret having even thought that. But He is a big God. A huge God. And He can take it. So I will be honest. I wish I had said "No."

I wish that when I was a child I had never told Him, "...everything...I give you everything."

I wish I didn't know all the verses to "I Surrender All."

I wish I had never heard that stupid song. Sung that stupid song.

I wish that it had been someone else He had chosen.

Another lady. With more confidence. More gusto. More fearlessness. (I even came up with a few names that I freely offered up to Him.)

I wish the only problems I had were having to buy new clothes because what's in my closet "swallows me" or deciding where to go eat after a nice night out.

Instead, I sit in a quiet place. A dark place. And I feel now, more than I have in a really long time, an overwhelming sense of loss. And I know that the flowers on his little grave are getting tossed around by this storm. As am I.

So I keep saying to myself, "This storm doesn't touch him. This storm doesn't touch him now." But it does me. In so many ways.

And I feel today like I felt the first time it snowed on his grave. And I cried all day for fear that he was cold. When clearly, he was perfect.

I don't understand why there have to be days like this, where the tears fall so fast that I can't even keep up with them. Where I worry that the terrible storm will affect him; when inside my heart I know it won't. Or when I feel like a part of my insides are missing. Today I feel every one of these things.

And my arms ache a little. That has never gone away. And though I wish him here...I said "yes." And I'm a woman of my word. So "yes" is what I meant.

Yes, I'll do this.

Yes, I'll walk this.

Yes, I'll trust you.

Yes, I'll learn you.

Yes, I love you.

Yes, here he is.

Yes. And Amen.

- Melissa

Must - Haves.

I am not doing this post today because I have run out of things to say. I think we all know that's not the case. I mean, I ALWAYS have something to say.


I am posting this today because it's necessary. It's summertime and so I thought I'd share with you some of my summer must-haves. Well, must haves for me. Maybe not for you. And if so, that's cool. But since I have this open forum, and it's my blog and all...you'll humor me, right?

1. This is Arbonne Intelligencer Personalizer and I LOVE it. My mom bought it and as soon as I tried it I knew I had to have it. She ordered me some, I had it one day and Remi dropped it on the bathroom floor and it broke into a million pieces. However, because I am resourceful (and broke) I scraped it up off the floor and now use the scraps that are left. I find that I have red, splotchy skin the older I get. This corrects that and evens out my tone. And (now this is attractive, so get ready) I also get greasy eyelids - which I hate. Again, this corrects that. Because it removes all the oil wherever you choose to use it. And who couldn't use that in the summertime? Once the AG and I went on a cruise. My face looked like someone had thrown Slick50 on it the first day I get there. It then became known as "cruise face" and he has since referred to me as this on numerous occasions. Cause he's sweet like that. But not any more! I love this stuff. (I would also like to add that if you sell Arbonne and would like to donate a pack that is not broken into 3 million pieces. It would be greatly appreciated. I'm just sayin'...)





2. Wen by Chaz Dean. Is...Expensive...Wonderful...Good for colored hair ("So why are you using it, Melissa? Aren't you a natural blond?")...And also good for hair that plans on lots of sun, chlorine or salt water. Therefore I am proud to present it as a summer must-have. Of course I don't have it. Anymore. Because of that first thing I mentioned. But if by any chance you are Chaz Dean and are reading this and would like to donate...






3. Fried Green Tomatoes. No, not the stupid, yucky movie. I'm talkin' the real deal. All deep fried. And green. And served with a pimento / feta cheese dipping sauce. Ooohhh, such a deep fried heaven.




4. Here is Melissa's recipe for success. Invite over two of your favorite couples; make sure they also have children so that they can go off and play together leaving the adults alone. Invite them over when it's going to be about 78 degrees with a slight breeze outside. Sit on the back porch while the kids run around screaming. Eat chili dogs (my favorite things in the world) and play Phase 10. This game requires no real knowledge. So you can talk about everything under the sun while playing. And to me - that is a great evening.








5. Serve the aforementioned couples a dessert of Fresh peaches, cut up into big, juicy squares, served over a whopping bowl of Blue Bell vanilla ice cream and a light sprinkling of sugar. Let it melt just a little. Welcome to summer!





6. Do not invite couples over to lounge on your deck without some kind of lighting. Something. I don't care if it's candles in a tin can. Just provide something. The AG put up white globe lights all around our deck and they look so good that my girlfriend, Kelli Hankins, who shall remain nameless completely ripped off my idea, Kelli Hankins, and copied me to a tee, Kelli Hankins. So globe lights are cool. As are these babies.

7. If you decide to go swimming with a 2 year old. And let's be honest, who wouldn't want that task? Buy these. Yes, I know you can go buy "floaties" at Dollar General for 2 bucks. Or you can spend $10 and be the talk of the baby pool. And that's some high pressure, my friends. I honestly didn't know that putting Remi in arm floaties would cause my life to change in such a huge way - but my girlfriend slipped them on Rem's arms the other day - and off she went. Oh yeah, she was off swimming in the deep end and I was snoring on my lounge chair. Oh seriously, people. Trust me, I was all up in her personal space and watching her like a hawk. Even my girlfriend told me, "Melissa, seriously, back up just a little. She'll be fine." So the next day I went and purchased these bad boys and I love them. They are Speedo brand and so they are made out of fabric - not plastic, which is soooo 1992. They are comfortable on her, don't rub her arms raw like the others and well, I'll just be honest, she's stylin'. And considering her daddy won't let her wear a bikini she needs something to flaunt at that intimidating baby pool.

8. Prescriptives *magic Illuminating Cream Lotion. For those of you over 25 years of age, who have pores and skin of any kind...You're very, very welcome.

So there you have it, my lovelies, a couple of things you'll find around my place if you were to come over for chili-dogs and Phase 10. Except for the Wen shampoo. But I'm still praying that my ship comes in on that one, so don't count me out just yet.