Jun 4, 2008

"These are the things I could do without..."

Today's post is going to sound like I am in an awfully bad mood. Truly, I'm not. I just had a couple of these things happen to me in like, the past, 3 days...and it got me to thinkin'.

And so Tears for Fears said it best when they said,

"Shout. Shout. Let it all out. These are the things I could do without, so come on. I'm talking to you. Come on."

Oh, man. That was deep. Leave it to an 80's tune to say what my heart is truly feeling.

10. When the waitress walks up to your table and offers dessert and before you can say a word the person you are sitting across from at the table boldly declares, "oh my word - I couldn't eat another bite."

"Yeah...uhhhhh....me neither."

9. When two families are going out for dinner and when discussing where they should go eat...one of the families let their kids decide.

This is a social "no-no," people.

8. When tasting a dessert one friend says to the other, "Ooohhh I couldn't eat another bite of this. It is so rich."

Okay, this is just rude. Because it is not rich to me. Not at all. In fact, I thought it needed a touch more icing and now I am truly thankful I didn't say that because wouldn't that be embarrassing?

7. When the Attorney General takes me out to dinner THEN to a movie and when I ask for popcorn he says, "WE JUST ATE!"

He's right, of course. But it just feels like popcorn is the right move. I mean, why else did we come to a movie? Am I alone, here, people?

6. When I tell people I have a blog and they say, "How do you have time to do that? I would never have time for that."

Really? Because I find anywhere from 7 to 10 hours a day that I just do absolutely nothing.

5. When trying desperately to make conversation you ask someone if they watch _____ (fill in the blank with your favorite T.V. show) and they state, "I don't have time to watch T.V."

"Really? Because that's all I do is watch T.V. In fact, I haven't bathed since Veteran's day because all I've been doing is watching T.V."

4. People who wear heels with shorts.

If you are over the age of 21. Put your heels away. You do not look, I repeat, you do not look like Tyra Banks. No matter what your husband tells you.

3. People who tell me my "blog is so cute."
Cute? Seriously? Cute?

2. Messages on my phone that only say, "Hey Melissa, this is ____. Call me. I need to ask you something" or people who leave a voice mail saying, "Tag - you're it!"

Uuhhh...no. If you have something to ask me. Do it right then. So that I have time to come up with an excuse as to why I can't help you move, keep your child or go in with you on a garage sale.

1. When I have put the very first bite in my mouth and someone says "you have something between your teeth."

Chances are, if you will let me swallow this bite and drink some of my beverage the problem will take care of itself. Or maybe just let me finish my meal and then we can take care of all my teeth at one time.

So what about you? What gets under your skin?


Trish said...

C'mon, I'm talkin to you, c'mon....

Amens sister.

I am one of those ones that says I don't have time to watch TV, but that is because I am always blogging or using the TV to babysit my kids!!

Way to embrace the call of Tears for Fears and "let it all out"

Sissy said...

Here's what bugs me...

-People with car radios so loud that it drowns out my own radio
-I don't care if you answer your cell phone while I am with you...but keep it short! If you wanted to talk to that other person, you should be hanging out with them!
-Calling me and not leaving a voice mail. I may not have recognized the number, and I can't call you back cause you didn't tell me who you were.
-Moms who wear tennis skirts to volunteer at school.
-People who can eat salad five days a week. This should not be allowed.

I sound grumpy, huh?

Lula! said...

Like our mothers, you and I were totally separated at birth.

There is no such thing as a dessert that's "too rich." When other mothers insinuate that I have "too much time on my hands" due to my Lost obsession, blogging passion, book devouring, Paula Deen-wannabe-cooking, etc.

But the one that's cause for a break-up? "Can I have a bite of your dessert?"
Absolutely not. If you'd wanted dessert you could've ordered it yourself. I only acquiesce when the request comes from one of my children. And then it's only a TINY bite, mind you. 'Cause that's how this Mama rolls.

The Rivers Family said...

Children on leashes - Children are not pets people.

People who have to talk on their cell phone while checking out at a store...you are not that important it's just rude.

Husband and Son who when told to go get something come back empty handed convinced it is not there only for you to walk right in, pick it up and hand it to them.

I could go on but I must stop....

Evi said...

I am late for work right now because I had to finish reading your post...thanks a lot...so I'll have to come back later to let you know what I was gonna say...BEEEEEP
(oh and the stuff in my teeth...I was saving that for bedtime snack!)

Z's Mom said...

Ok, I have to agree with you totally about someone calling me with a question, but not telling me what the question is. I do need time to form the correct answer.
Also, I don't eat seafood, of ANY kind. So, I hate it when I tell people that and they are like "you should try such and such...it doesn't even taste like fish." Um, what part of "I don't eat seafood" did you not understand???
Love your blog...keep it up! :)

KO said...

Yes, the message that says, "call me back I have something to ask you.." Ooooh! Just say it! Or at least give the general topic that it fits under...

One- said...

This is the first time, I have read your blog. This post was very funny. Out of all of my senses, I think that my hearing is elevated or something. When people chew, smack, crunch, munch, or anything close to that, it drives me out of my mind. I agree with all of the ones you listed. Thankfully, most of my good friends like to stuff their face too! The voice mail, with the call me back... is especially annoying when it is someone who specifically tends to ask for favors. I purposely tell the person why I am calling. That way, if they say yes, I know they really don't mind helping me. I look forward to reading more.

Heather said...

I have twins, so I could go on and on about the stupid things people say to me. I think I will bedazzle a t-shirt with the answers to all the stupid questions people ask me.

Yes, they're all mine.
Yes, they're twins.
Yes, they're identical.
Yes, they were a surprise.
No, we won't be trying for a boy.
No, my hands are not full.

Oh, and your blog is hot, baby!!

Mrs. Romero said...

I'm with Heather, your blog is not cute.. it's hot, smokin', vixen, smeared in chocolate hot.

And, I am laughing so hard right now because EVERY TIME we go to dinner with my MIL she goes on and on about how she is just so stuffed and how this meal will feed her for three days, yadayadayda.

Me, I'm asking my son, "Are you gonna finish that?"

Ruby said...

I FREAKIN' LOVE YOUR BLOG! Its not cute Melissa, okay? It's not cute!
When someone says "its cute!" they are usually referring to a little bird in the nest. If you get my drift...

Your blog is hilarious, right down to the bone.
I crack up every.single.time!

BTW, I'm guilty of the popcorn ordeal with my hubby. I always say what the AG says to you "we just ate!"

Penny said...

This is the first time I've been to your blog an can I just say.... hilarious! Love it!

I hate when people say there are not enough hours in the day.... if they had three kids, two of which fight constantly, they would know there are way too many hours in the day!

Swirl Girl said...

I totally agree with all of the things you dislike and here a few more.

-People who leave the tissue box on the back dashboard of the car (you know, the rear window area that usually has hats or cute little stuffed animals or something up there) When they need to blow, how do they reach the box?

-People who feel the need to constantly use their cell phones any and everywhere. Who is so important that they can't wait to be spoken to until after you get your Xtra large SUV into that Xtra compact only parking spot?

-People in general


photoqueen said...

Ha! This is my first time reading your blog, and I have to agree with the other posters - you're one funny lady!

Also have to agree with being annoyed by those people who "dont' have time" to watch TV. Whatever. I don't have time to clean my house. Priorities, right?

Anonymous said...


I think I have a great idea for when people say "Oh, I don't have enough time to [fill in the blank - blog, watch tv, whatever]." In response, you should say "Really? Maybe I should consider giving time management classes."

Also, my husband and I ... we just love to eat. We enjoy it. Can't deny it. My husband even came up with the idea that every restaurant should have flags on their table. If you can't finish all of your meal, you raise your flag. That way, other diners will know that your leftovers are up for grabs and, if they like the looks of you, they can come over and take what they want.

Now, that being said, I must admit that I'm guilty of calling a dish "too rich." However, if I were with you and you responded that there is no such thing, more than likely I would applaud you. Because generally I love a gal who enjoys a good dessert. Really, I do. And more often than not, it isn't that I can't do ANY dessert, maybe it's just that that particular dessert is too rich for MY taste buds. Doesn't mean another dessert won't hit the spot!

Your "cute" blog is often the highlight of my day. Keep talkin' it, girl!


ugagirl30 said...

#1: Yesterday I bought a two-pack of Key Lime pie at Wally World to satisfy my sweet tooth. My son saw me eating piece 1 and asked for a bite. He got the smallest piece imaginable and then asked for the second piece. Whaaaatt? But, sucker that I am, I let him have it. And guess what I wanted last night? The second piece.

#2: I agree with the woman whose children fight. My do incessantly. I still manage to blog, watch 1 1/2 hours of television a day (I only watch What I Like About You right now--you know, during the "off season"), stop the molestation of the kitten by both the kids and the dog, and maybe do a little cleaning. I mean, with that schedule, when do I find time to eat? Oh wait! I eat while I am doing all of those other things. It's called juggling, people.

#3: I have three kids. Yes, I have my hands full. Stop asking. Can you not see the frazzled look on my face and the large patches of scalp showing where I have forcibly removed portions of my hair? Tell you what, asker. I'll let you keep my kids for a day, in the name of birth control.

Thanks. I think you have inspired a blog. Is blognapping acceptable?