Jun 3, 2008

Cuz You Gotta Have Friends.

I never laugh at forwards. Not ever. In fact, I really don't like forwards. You know the ones....This bear will break out into a song if you send this to 13 people who have been a cuddly bear with you! Or my all time favorite - Let's tell our senator that we want to bring back the swatch watch and the Coca-cola shirts. So sign this petition and send it on. Please don't break the chain.


But the one below, actually got me tickled.

So today I'm going to tell you about some of my friends. Not all of my friends, mind you - or we'd be here for a year. I am an extremely popular person. But just some that stuck-out in my mind as I read this the other day.

Oh yeah...I'm gettin' specific.

Here's what it said:

Are you tired of those filly little 'friendship' poems that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of TRUE friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

Well, we don't call her Scrappy Doo for nothing. This shout out goes to my friend April, who I swear must walk around with a .42 in her purse at all times. If you want a friend who will defend your name and your honor till the bitter end - then look her up. She is well worth it. But I warn you - she packs heat.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

Here we have Nicolle. Whom I love and adore. Who can make me laugh any day of the week...and has. I called her after my first kiss and my first heartbreak. When I'm down she cheers me up - but not with sappy cards or kisses or flowers. But by making fun of herself. Or me. Whatever works at the time. And I love it! Plus, she's a nurse. So this just made good sense.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

We are literally night and day. Daylight and Dark. Black and white. Apples and oranges. But let me tell ya...when I need someone to ride shotgun on my "missions" - Meridith is who I want. She's sly. She's quiet. And you never see her coming. That is the most dangerous kind of friend. And I LOVE IT!

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

Rhonda Brady. Rhonda Brady. Rhonda Brady. (Are you supposed to use people's first and last names on the internet? Or is that terribly unsafe? Oh, it is? Good.) Rhonda Brady.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

Oh, mom. Dear, sweet, mom. My best friend in the entire universe. If it's happening to me - it's already happened to her. But even worse. Because it happened years ago. When she was broke. And just married. And didn't know what to do. And there was no air conditioning. So quit complaining. I lived through it. You can too.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

Sweet Teresa. A woman of few - but impactful - words. I love her for the pure reason that why dress up in 12 paragraphs what you can easily say in 2 sentences? I once stood at her kitchen sink and poured out my heart, my soul, my problem to her for 30 whole minutes, snot and tears and the works. Her response? "No. Don't do that. It's stupid."

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

This goes out to my friend Kelli, who I think once actually avoided my phone calls because I had strep throat. Which is ironic since she is sick every other day. But if you are sick, forgetaboutit. She ain't having none of it. If you were invited - you're uninvited. If you're there and having a good time - you'll be asked to leave. If you are in the middle of a sentence and sneeze - you'll be ushered out the door. She's a dear, really.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy self!

Oh, this is sooooo Ronnie Freeman. He will point and laugh and mock and make a scene. He will laugh till he cries. He will laugh till you absolutely want to kill him. And yet I love him. Why God, why?? Because I would do the exact same thing to him. And have.

This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get really depressed
because you can only think of 4!

Well, that's how the email ended. But I say we do this...if you are reading this post then it's your turn. Take a moment, copy this down, and add your own friends to the list.

It's official - You've been tagged!


Evi said...

chuckle chuckle
sniff sniff
Did you see how quicly that digressed from laughter into weaping because I can only think of 2 friends!
Okay...now let me have it...the ragging for my whining that is!

Lula! said...

Oh, but you are good.

I can't do this today. I'm in green goo up to my Shaun Cassidy nightgown.

Read today's post for further understand. Or, if we're really BFFs, you'll totally get this without any further explanation.

Anonymous said...


I'm jealous beyond words that you have a Shaun Cassidy nightgown.

Little Miss Jenni

Heather said...

This is hysterical!! The spider monkey on mountain dew one cracked me up! You've got some great friends, girl.

Mrs. Romero said...

Melissa, stop already. The laughter, it's too much. I love how you call Rhonda Brady out...so good.

Ah, can't see through the tears.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm not one single solitary mention of your one TRUTHFUL friend! The ONLY one BRAVE enough to say... NO Melissa we're not all dressing in black at the beach to make Kerri look better than us. Nope not a WORD!
Thanks Pedro!


Rhonda said...

To my precious little name-dropper:

Well, you did it! You finally got a comment out of me. Congrats and prepare yourself. Well, I've missed a bunch of your posts, so I'm scanning through them today and what do I see?... but MY name repeated over and over, so I must read it, right?
It is usually my M.O. to help people overcome their fears, but when they're like yours, Melissa Paige Radke (aka Melissa Lee; aka Drama Queen), they deserve a good, friendly slap across the cheek. I mean running and screaming, LOUDLY, from ALL little baby dolls of all shapes and colors? Come on! As Cher would say "Snap out of it!"
You gonna get some raggin for that!
Hey, but thanks for the shout out.

-Rhonda Brady

Anonymous said...

You know it girl! I do pack heat!
Got to watch out for "my girls" always!!!

Love you!

Hope your having fun at the beach.

Ruby said...

I'm the #7 friend. I'm not sick every other day though, but I don't like to be around sick people at all. Scares the crap out of me.

I had to laugh once again at your commentary. Fly out to Phoenix, c'mon!!!

ugagirl30 said...

It's the Freeman in him..They are the aggravating bunch of humans alive!!! Every single one of them--except my mom! She was the caretaker and overly sensitive. So don't laugh at her--ever!!