Aug 25, 2010

A Couple Things.

Every once in a while I have to write a post entitled, "A Couple Things." It is just a random writing of things that I have buzzing around in my brain. They are really of no consequence to anyone but me, and they are certainly of no interest. But they are my thoughts and I'm proud of them.

Humor me.

1. So I just finished watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey (season 2) finale and can I just say..............I love that show. It is as gaudy and outlandish as I am. I never thought I'd say these words, but I'm pretty sure that had God not given me the great privilege of being born in Texas He would have had me born in Jersey. I feel right at home watching that show. Please talk to me if you like it. Because I really need someone to agree with me on what a nut-job Danielle is. Oh, and because I have absolutely nothing else going on, I took the What Housewife of New Jersey Are You quiz, on, and I'm Dina (thank the sweet Lord.)

2. Rocco is turning 2 in a week and all I can think about are those horrific video clips they show at the opening of Super Nanny each week of the kids she's going to tame, and there's always that one boy who throws himself down in the grocery store or ties a cat to the front of a car. I'm not gonna lie, a 2 year old boy scares me. Is it is hard as I'm imagining it to be? Because up to this point he's been a dream, but I'm gonna be honest, he's starting to show some tendencies toward juvenile delinquency. He's just so darn cute that I'm thinking he could tie a cat to a car and who would notice as long as he was batting those eyelashes. See? Already, I'm in trouble.

3. I am on day 13 of no sodas. I hesitate to say "no caffeine" because I don't seem to be as addicted to caffeine, per say, as I am to sodas. In other words, I don't have to have a Starbucks every day or a coffee every day - but I had gotten to the point where I was drinking a Dr. Pepper every day. Isn't that horrible? So I am on day 13 and I've already lost 12 pounds. Ha! Ha! Not really, in fact, I'm thinking of starting to take up Coke again simply because if I'm still gonna be fat I'm at least gonna be fat and quenched.

4. The AG is driving me crazy to have my blog re-upholstered. (Side note: He's driving me crazy about a lot of things, but that's a different post.) So I am needing your help. I would like to know some blogs that you read that you think have a great look. I am stuck in a blog rut anyway and need some new ones to look over. I want something bright (no more black) and easy to read. I want something with clean lines and not froo-froo. So help a girl out. Do you know of any blog designers that I might need to look into? I pay really well. Okay, that's a lie. But I do have about 14 cases of Dr. Pepper I'd like to get rid of.

5. The AG and I's anniversary is coming up this weekend. 16 years. Its going to be so romantic. He is going out of town for a leadership conference and I'm going to spend the evening with my two children watching Nanny McPhee and shaving my legs. Now I ask you, how New Jersey is that?

Aug 23, 2010

There is a God and He Is Alive and Well In The 75904.




You may think to yourself, "doesn't Melissa have two small children who are not quite school age, yet?" And to that I would say, "Melissa, is no dummy."

At this point I would consider sending them off to carny school where they could learn how to run carnival rides or fry funnel cakes in the back of a van if it would get them off of both of my thighs.

So Remi is in five days a week pre-K at Saint Cyprians and Rocco is in 3 day a week at First Christian. So either they will come out an Episcopal or a Lutheran, don't make me no never mind, as long as they acknowledge me when I speak and don't throw cobs of corn at each other across the table.

Yes, my lovelies, its been a long hot summer.

But summer is over now.

Time to drag those little plastic pools out to the garbage can and let all that brown grass underneath try and come back to life.

Its time to pour that 10-gallon jug of Kool-Aid down your sink and fill that baby back up with something mama likes to sip on.

Its time to throw away the three flip-flops in your child's closet that haven't found their partner these last two weeks (just face it: they're gone - lost - vanished - its over - you bought 'em at Old Navy for $1, move on.)

And its time to tell yourself that since the kids are back in school now YOU can get on a schedule, now YOU can have time for yourself, now YOU can start working out again..........tomorrow.

For now, rest, put your feet up, flip on the D(o)I(t)Y(ourself) Network and watch somebody else do it....because today is your day. Its the first week back in school.

And all God's mama's said...............................................

Aug 9, 2010

I Didn't Say I Wasn't Dramatic. But I'm Also Dying.

I don’t know, you’d have to ask my family. I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac. I think the potential was there, mind you, but then I had children and now I don’t have time to be. I mean trust me, I’d love to “come down” with a little this, a little that and have to be laid up in the bed for 48 hours watching movies and being waited on, but wouldn’t you know it these little ankle biters came right into my life and took that job over.

How I went from wishing for Lyme disease to serving them Lucky charms in bed (and cleaning up their puke afterwards) I will never know. But they did it.

And then this weekend…

I’ve been hit hard before. I was hit once by a truckload of illegal immigrants who fled the scene while I sat in my car and cried. I’ve been hit with a softball at a church tournament and my mom bought me a pickle for my pain. But this weekend beat all.

I was hit and hit hard. On Friday night I was eating sushi with the family. And by Saturday morning I was on the cold metal table in an urgent care clinic pleading with The AG to place a pillow over my face and then leave quickly and quietly. (Don’t be one of those who say, “it was probably the sushi” just because you don’t like sushi. It wasn’t the sushi. How do I know? Because everyone else in my family swam all day long Saturday while I lay in bed making out my will.)

Saturday mornings are my favorite time of the week. The AG takes the kiddos to breakfast and usually Home Depot, while I lay in bed and watch movies like Dear John or Step Up or She’s The Man or G.I. Joe (can you figure this one out?). But this Saturday I couldn't even make it through Dear John. Now that is sick! I called my mom and asked her to drive me to the doctor so that I could hurl the whole way there and she obliged with a “yes, baby, yes, baby, okay, baby.”

The body aches and the chills were unbearable. There were not enough blankets to lay on top of me and so I just sat and cried. Finally a shot in the hip and two in my arm provided me with the most peace I had thus far. The aches began to subside and the nausea went away.

To this moment they are not sure if what I was fighting was viral pneumonia or bacterial pneumonia – but they enjoyed throwing that word around and I pretended to listen.

Thankfully mom was there to both listen to the doctors and write down her grocery list simultaneously. Doctors tend to make her nervous which is what I am blaming for her coming over to wipe a cool rag on my forehead and then looking closer at my face and saying, “You are really getting a lot of sunspots for your age.”

So here I am now, at home, laid up in the bed and well, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sure they brought me my food on a tray. But at one point Remi came in the room and said, “Why do you have my Cinderella tray? Your sick is no excuse.” I suppose it’s better than her noticing my sun spots. Or maybe not. I don’t feel like caring.

Aug 4, 2010

Oh No She Di'int.

My freshman year of college I learned a lot of things:

I learned that even though you are in an all girls dorm at a Christian University, there is still going to be that one girl who refuses to wear sweat shorts and t-shirts to bed, but instead opts for red nighties and fishnet hose.

I learned that when you cry in the shower no one hears you.

I learned that 3 hours away from mama was really far on some occasions. And wonderfully perfect on others.

I learned that a missed curfew came with consequences.

I learned that if you hate the cafeteria food and decide to only eat the rolls and dip them in Heinz 57 you will STILL gain the freshman 15, perhaps more.

I learned how to flirt. And I learned I was awful at it.

I learned who Kevin Costner was when I saw The Bodyguard. Life changer!

I learned that sitting at a table with Kasey, Julie, Dana, David and Jeff was more entertaining than ANYTHING on television. And that's saying a lot because this was the year of Melrose Place.

And last but not least, I learned about these babies....because most nights when Kasey got off work, she would bring them to my room. And we would eat them while discussing boys we loved, boys we hated, teachers we loved, teachers we hated, and why in the world we were trying to lose weight with no success. All the while we were scarfing these down like they were going out of style. Wonder why our weight loss effort were unsuccessful? And now my favorite recipe blog has gone and done 'em.

Have you ever had them? What do you think?

Love is Severely Blind.

So did you see the cover of last week's People magazine?

If not, no worries. It looked very similar to this picture right here.

And by "very similiar" I mean that:
a. It was of the two of them.
b. He was wearing shades.
c. She was wearing lip plump
d. And they were both making me sick.

So even if you didn't see the actual cover (which I couldn't find a picture of) you still have a visual of the conversation I had with Rocco. Who, might I add, is only one and makes very little to no sense whatsoever. *Not that I enjoy cutting a one year old down to size...but he hurt me.

Me: Rocco brush your teeth, buddy.

Rocco: (Pointing to magazine cover) Look mama! Look mama! Look mama!

Me: Brush your teeth.

Rocco: (Still pointing) Look mama! Look mama! Look mama!

Me: What?

Rocco: (Pointing to Brad) Dada.

Me: Uh, no.

Rocco: Dada. Dada. Dada.

Me: Oh, you think that's daddy? How sweet. How ignorantly, blissfully sweet.

Rocco: Dada!

Me: (Pointing to Angelina...and with great anticipation) Well then, who's that?

Rocco: (Staring intently) I don't know.

Except for all the kisses and the hugs and flat out adorableness, one is stupid.

Aug 2, 2010

Can You Feel The Love Toni....Oh Whatever.

If you think love has died than look no further than ABC my friends. A.B.C.

Oh sure, there were moments this season when I thought Ali was never going to find love. There were also moments that I thought some poor guy was going to get his hair caught in those extensions. But boy, was I wrong. Her hair extensions hung in there.

And she found love. Finally. Though I know it must still break her heart to have lost Jake Pavelka (NOT!) or to be jilted by Frank for another woman (NOT!) Ali was not left standing alone at the altar last night. She was left holding the hand of her fiery latin lover who looked like he had either just put out a fire or won some kind of championship game and had the cooler tossed on him, I'm not sure which.

And while Jake and Frank are on my mind, I would be remiss if I did not say, this girl must be some kind of superhero or something cuz she has dodged a bullet twice now! Can I get a whatwhat?? Geez Louise, to pass up cutie Roberto for Jake who is one contract away from being the new go-to guy for all sleezy Romantic paperback covers. Or Frank, who is one blazer sell away from being Dillards Salesrep of the Month. Are you kidding me? Girl, you won by losing when it comes to those two.

But enough of that.

Let's get down to the real business at hand: Chris. The leftover. The third wheel. And chances are, the next Bachelor. Now here's where I make people mad....but I was not a Chris devotee. Was he cute? Sure. But was he cute in a, "Oh man, I hope she marries this guy he is just heaven!" Or was he cute in a "Oh man, I hope he bags my groceries I love to see him blush when he grabs the cantaloupes." Only you can decide, but I have to tell ya he was cute in a bag-boy kind of way. At least for me.

I thought he was super sweet. Very gentlemanly. And respectful of women. But with much delight I can say, so was Roberto. For the first time ever, maybe, I saw a woman on the Bachelorette who COULDN'T lose. That was, indeed, a first.

And so we sit quietly by counting the days until US weekly reports that they've gone their separate ways and she's now seeing some B-list actor from the Disney channel or something. Which won't surprise me. But will sadden me. Perhaps I, like tens of others out there, want to think that it might be, just a little bit, half a smidgen perhaps - be real. Otherwise what were all the calories for?

Between the four of us women there were fajitas, queso, chips, Coke and chocolate cake. We like to say its because we're women and we must have food when we watch love bloom on television. I say its because Ali goes with queso and chips like tears go with rainbows. But again, that's just me.