Jefferey Osborn Wants Nothing To Do With What Happened Here Tonight.

So here I am posting my Bachelor:On The Wings of Love recap on Monday night instead of Tuesday for fear that I would forget something. And if you watched tonight's episode then you know Steven Tyler said it best when he said, "I don't wanna miss a thing."

Not since my mom and I hit the town to find me a dress for my 8th grade prom have I seen so much drama ensue.

Not since my best friends found me trying to smoke a cigarette at the VFW carnival in the 7th grade have I witnessed so much drama. (In a nutshell: I don't smoke, too big of a chicken, they told my mom, I was beaten severely.)

Not since...okay, you get the point.

Since it would be really hard to go over absolutely everything allow me to pinpoint the details for you. Let's begin.

#1. Jake takes several women on a group date to a photo shoot for InStyle magazine. Finally, Rozalyn will get the fame she has been so desperately seeking. How does she do this you ask? By lifting her skirt, making out with our Bachelor and having an "inappropriate" relationship with one of the shows staff members. She is nothing if not driven.

#2. Jake goes on a group date with several women. One of them pulls out a "letter" she has written to him (apparently letter writing is something she does, it makes her feel naked. Her words. Not mine.) In her letter she tells him that she will not kiss him until he chooses her in the finale. Moments later she leans in with quivering lips and tells him to "make out with her forehead."

Many of you are wondering why, at that exact moment, I did not change the channel to something remotely deep. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because.

Apparently she has values. Big values. We see her big values in almost every tank top she wears. So kudos to her!

#3. Ali and Jake go on a one-on-one date. The editors decide to play On The Wings of Love by Jefferey Osborn (circa 1982) as they fly through the clouds. Meridith and I look at each other and then back to the television. What we are witnessing is beyond cheezy and yet, we cannot look away.

Later Jake takes Ali to a concert in the park, for just the two of them. The band is Chicago. It was like watching The Bachelor: Winging Through The 80's. Up next week? Jefferson Starship and Sheena Easton.

#4. Michelle, the nut, decides to leave. And then to stay. And then to leave if she's not spoken to. And then to stay. And then to leave if she's not given a rose. And then to...oh wait, she's supposed to leave if she's not given a rose. (Please Jake, don't give her a rose. Please. Jake, don't. Don't give her a rose. Ohhhh noooo...he gave her a rose. Boo! for Jake. But yeah! for me and Meridith who will get to watch more drama next week.)

#5. Rozalyn is pulled aside by Chris Harrison (the smoothest host in all the county, let me tell ya) and asked to leave for her inappropriate relationship with staffer. She fains disinterest and repulsion. She admits to nothing. And seems unfazed by it all. She is beautiful and pitiful all rolled in to one. It was like watching that cheerleader that was always nasty to you in High School finally get what was coming to her - but feeling so incredibly sorry for her that it took all the fun away. Some people never truly get it. And that is the saddest part.

#6. Jake tells the girls that he is glad that they are all still there because he feels his soul mate is in that room. Several girls smile. A couple of them cry. And Michelle picks up an ice pick and begins to sharpen it.

Stay tuned........its gonna only get better.