Jan 8, 2010

The South Will Rise Again. Yee-haw.

Sometimes its weird being a Southerner.

Don't misunderstand me, oftentimes its wonderful. Really wonderful. We can wear shorts year round. We can get away with wearing flip-flops to church. We can work on our washer and dryer in our front yard. Things like that.

But then sometimes, its just weird.

Like last night, for instance. Last night was Longhorn football.

Let me now state for the record that I am doing good to be an NFL girl, but college football? Really? I just don't get it. They don't wear those big, honkin' diamond earrings like the NFL'ers do. They don't drive Hummers. Or shoot people outside of night clubs. So what is all the fuss about? Granted, I've never been to a college football game. Ever. But I cannot imagine enjoying anything where a drum line is involved.

But that's just me.

But last night? I wish you could have seen the group of people my mom and dad had over to their home. It looked like the county jail had a free period between 7pm and 11pm and they all headed to mom's house. (I can say this freely because they were all family. If they were like, just "acquaintances" I would never speak such. But since they're family...)

We had people in every chair in the house, dogs roaming around, we had cream cheese in over half of the dishes that were made, Dr. Pepper cans were spilling over out of trash bags and one person even brought their Longhorn Snuggie.

Did you know they made Longhorn Snuggies? I did not. (This is not my aunt by the way, but she looks like she'd be a hoot-and-a-half, don't she?)

It was quite the redneck free-for-all. And I say this knowing that I enjoyed every minute of it. Even down to the perfect brownie pan.

Because what kind of Southern shin-dig is it if you don't have at least two As Seen On TV products? It's not one, I'll tell ya that.

Oh sure, the Longhorns lost. And I had I been watching the game I would have been so upset. But instead I just listened in on the conversations going on around me and found that to be far more stimulating than anything the 'Horns could pull off. Just listen:

"Did you know ____ got arrested again for gettin' in a scuffle with the law."

"Old Missus _____ left her husband. Said he beat her. He didn't beat her. He needed to beat her. But he didn't."

"How'd you burn your arm?"
"With a flat iron."
"With a huh?"

"...I tell you what, I ain't never seen one alive. Only dead. They are so pretty dead it's a shame God ever game 'em breath to begin with."
"That's the same thing I said about my first wife."

"You know that ol' doctor gave me something for that but I didn't ne'er take it. I just decided to stare at it till it went away."
"How's that workin' for ya?"
"Its gone."

And it was then that I promised the Lord, "If you let me out of this house without seeing what in the world they are talking about, I promise to watch college football and appreciate it for all its Southern goodness." I have a debt to repay.


Vickie said...

Melissa - I can totally relate. What's sad is I can even promise you that I understand all the conversations floating around you. I'm even jealous of the Longhorn snuggie - only it'd hafta be an Aggie one at our house. College football, well, you just hafta be there...

Beth said...

My mom got the perfect brownie pan last year for Christmas. We now ask her to make brownies for every event. It makes THE BEST brownies EVER! It is like getting a corner piece every time.

Shonya said...

LOL! Thanks for my morning laugh to get the day going. And I don't understand people who think getting a corner brownie every time would be a *good* thing--send them to live with me and I will sacrifice and eat all the middle brownies. :D

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

Ha ha ha!! You always have a way of holding a mirror up to us Southern folk so we can truly laugh at ourselves. Thanks.

Mrs. JP said...

Yep, it's great being a southerner. Oh Melissa, you need to go to a game and you'll be hooked. I'll even go so far as to bet that if you do you'll come away wanting your team snuggie. Your Aunt does look like a hoot and a half! Sand Flat Farm invited me over to your blog today - I'm so glad she did. Come see us at

that's right we really live in a holler!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

-giggles- Well I can tell that you had a lot more fun last night, "watching" that football game on tv, than I did! ,-)

Vickie sent me over here, and she was right. You are a cutie, my Dear.

Aunt Amelia
(Stuck up in Yankee Land)

Ashley said...

Gotta give you a big ole "Rooooll Tide" from the rednecks on the other side of the field! ;)

Debbie said...

Sometimes, one can learn a lot by listening to men talking amongst themselves. How hilarious! Worse than women! College football brings out the 'best' in them, huh? Gig 'Em Aggies!

Lavender Chick said...

HI! Great post and I certainly relate with all the conversations taking place... I actually made myself watch the game (I'm not a big sports fan where humans are involved; horses, yes! Humans, not so much...) but I had a difficult time because I felt so sorry for that little freshman QB! I figured that song by the Talking Heads, where they sing "How Did I Get Here?" was playing over and over in his head...

Vickie sent me over and glad she did!

Beautiful pear tree lane said...

So loved this post, funnnnny and enjoyable. thank you for sharing.

Deb said...

you are so funny...I felt like I was at one of my family gatherings...I don't get the whole football thing either...was just talking about it the other day...how so many people get so excited about college football...
so glad I stopped by to visit today

Lea and her Mustangs said...

Vicki from Sand Flat Farm recomended you blog. Loved it. I am not from the south but my sister is. She is about at her last at this cold. We have it here in the north too. (NE WA state) Thanks for the laugh.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Yep, that's "Southren" alright...my fambly's jes' like 'em. C

Vickie said...

Hi again Melissa Lee - just stopping back by to thank you for your sweet comment. Looks like my buddies took my advice and stopped by, too! Good, they better!

I enjoy your blog so much, dear - you have a way with words and it just wouldn't be the same "funny" to me if you wadn't "southren"!

Kaye said...

Go to a college game...pick any team you'd like (although the SEC schools are the best). Go early enough to tailgate. Go earlier than that and see how the professional tailgaters do it. You'll be hooked. =) Great post!