The Last Time I Talked To My Mother...

I should probably change the name of this little segment, considering I once titled it this when I lived 400 miles away from her and we only spoke on the phone.

Now I live about 2 yards away and can't get her out of my kitchen.

Nevertheless, the woman can say some things that just, well, things that make you go hmmmm....

Take for instance, last Friday when we went out to run some errands. My mom takes a sudden detour that nearly flung me out of the vehicle.

"What are you doing taking that curve? You're already going 80 and you're blind."

"I know. But you'll be happy I did."

"Why? Where are we going?"

"To the meathouse."

"A meathouse? Mom, are we going to a haunted house?"

"No, we're actually going to a meathouse."

"You mean a meat market?"

"Whatever. It's where they bring in fresh ribs and beef and steaks."

"Oh, okay - so we're picking up some beef?"

"Beef? NO! We're going cuz it's where the Pentecostals bring the brittle."

I would love to explain this to you all and as soon as I know what the heck that sentence means you can be assured I will.

All I know is they were out of "brittle" so she told the lady at the register, "You're out of brittle? What kind of communist society are we living in? Oh honey, I'm kidding...give me enough beef to make a big batch a' chili."

We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.