Aug 31, 2009

It's A Blogging Revolution.

I got a weird revelation this past weekend. Wanna hear it?

I am doing this blog thing all wrong.

I seriously think I might be. I've gone to putting up too many pictures of my kids. Who wants to look at my kids besides me? I mean really. I don't want to look at pictures of kids that belong to some mom in Minneapolis whom I will never probably why would you wanna look at mine?

So, okay, no more pictures of kids.

Except that Rocco's birthday is this week so I need to put up pictures of that. And if Remi says or does something else funny (or totally offensive) than I will need to post that. Or of course if they do anything at all that makes me think, "ya know, some Hollywood agent could see this and want to put them in the next Clint Eastwood movie." Well, then I'll need to do it then. But I promise, other than those few instances (and maybe a handful of others) I won't blog about my kids so much. Unless of course you all raise a ruckus. If you raise a ruckus I may relent and continue to post endlessly about my kids, but with much chagrin, I assure you.

Then I saw Julie/Julia and I thought, "hmmmm...maybe what the world is waiting on is for me to cook every Paula Deen recipe in the next 356 days." But then I thought longer and realized it wasn't so much the "world" per say that was waiting on me to cook Paula Dean but rather the local chapter of Weight Watchers and my dad's cardiologist. I'm sure they both would be thrilled to know that they would have my undying devotion - and money - were I to do that.

So then what?

And it came to me.

Write. What. You. Know.

Isn't that in genius? Write what you know. I could actually write about something I know a little something about. "Well, Melissa," you may be saying to yourself, "you are writing about your kids. Certainly you know about that!" But would be wrong. Anyone at El Chico's last week could plainly see that I know nothing about child rearing.

"But Melissa," you may once again be saying, "you write about the AG. You obviously know much about him." Again. You are wrong. For not only 45 minutes ago did I peeve him off so badly that he had to go for a walk in the East Texas humidity with our dogs. So see? I apparently don't know him at all, because what I think is funny he finds...well...not so funny.

If you have read my blog for any amount of time then you know I know quite alot about these seven things:

1. Hair
2. Food
3. Television Reviews
4. My oft-times argumentative and rebellious relationship with the Lord.
5. Hair
6. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (this has not been diagnosed and should just be referred to medically speaking as Really Bad Grip at Really Bad Times or RBGRBT)
7. Other people

* Dear Lord, please note that these are not in any particular order or you would most definitely be in last place. Because every time I think I know something about you I am amazed all over again that I know so very little. Oh, and yes, I meant to put "hair" down twice. For that I am truly sorry.

So, my lovelies, pray for me as I embark on this new journey...this new revelation of blogging. For I have seen the light - and it is good!

From now on when you visit Stretch Marks you won't just be seeing pictures of my kids. (Though let's be honest, you probably will). Instead you'll be delving into some of life's greatest mysteries....

- Who has good hair and where can I get it?

- Melissa, have you found a recipe that doesn't call for butter or bacon fat? And if so, lose it!

- Mel, do you think the Bachelorette is real? I DO TOO! Are you watching Glee? ME TOO!

- Have you still not graduated from Seminary even though you only have 9 hours left? Didn't the Lord ask you to do this aaggeeessss ago? Why are you disobeying?

- Surely you haven't been in a LifeWay Christian Bookstore or a Marshall's recently have you? What are you a masachist?

- And Melissa, tell us about your family; the ones that weren't imprisoned for drunk and disorderly conduct, that is.

And I'll be right here with you, to do just that. Cause I'm good like that. So tell me, what is it you want to hear about? Let's get our creative juices flowing, lovelies, help a blog girl out. Won't you? Give me a topic and believe you me I can "drone on for hours at a time about ridiculous things that no one finds funny but you!" How do I know this? Because the AG just told me those exact words!


Sissy said...

I personally love your blog as is and don't ever want you to change. A books store and Marshall's are my favorite places, and I visited both this weekend.

Love you!

Katherine said...

I was going to say you could blog about any of the seven EXCEPT #6, but then I read your previous "RBGRBT" posts! You are so dang FUNNY! Post pics of your kids - it's YOUR BLOG after all! Thanks for sharing (and oversharing)!!

Shonya said...

oh, but you missed some! You know the pain and heartache of losing children. . .and the miracle gift of children from another womb. You know the joy of God being with you in the deepest valleys and at the peaks of the mountains. And the biggest blessing of all to this blog reader: you know how to keep your sense of humor regardless of what is going on in your life. You know how to poke fun at yourself, you realize it's not about you, and you know how to share huge lessons without preaching.

Blog on!! (and if you want to look at pics of some kids that belong to some mom in 'Missouri' who you will probably never meet. . .giggle)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Melissa, I don't know what kind of nonsense you've been readin' or listenin' to, but it's just that ... nonsense. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ... I implore you ... do not change a thing. Some days, the only way I get through is to read your blog because I know it's going to contain something really insightful or something really, really entertainin'. I'll confess - I typically hope for entertainin'. But insightful is pretty good, too! You've enlightened me a time or two. And, oh, how I loves me some Remi and Rocco pictures. And the AG stories ... you GOTTA keep those comin'. And how would we ever know if Meredith finds true love if you don't blog about it?

Those people that THINK they know how to write a blog? Well, they should come and sit at your feet for a bit. They'd learn right quick what real bloggin' is all about.

Seriously? We. Need. You. Just. The. Way. You. Are.


P.S. I work with a girl who went to church with you here in Tennessee, and I turned her on to your blog - not knowing she knew you and all. She was real disappointed when she discovered you'd left town, seein' as how you're her favorite singer. ever. :-)

neeki said...

Don't change a thing. Ever. But I think it would be fun for you to work your way through Paula's cookbook. Or at least attempt one or two a week.

MBush said...

Well, since you've already made up your mind to change your blog...and no one else is giving you about you drone on and on about your latest pet peeve...or maybe you can give us all a few pointers on how to avoid Paula Dean cooking at all costs...or, well just about anything else. Can't wait to see Rocco birthday pics, oh, and that Remi of yours....SO CUTE!!!!

Givinya De Elba said...

I hope you don't really change very much! We come to Stretch Marks because we love Stretch Marks. Whaddaya think, we read you all the time secretly wishing you'd change everything?

Yeah, cos we've got that sort of time to kill, reading blogs we don't actually like.

I am hoping that point #7 (Other People) includes Remi and Rocco and the AG and Meredith and your Mom and your crazy Grandma and whatsisname- Brandon?

Or you'll be hearing from us.

A Musing Mother said...

Fatty stools. Oh, please go with fatty stools. If you need material on it, please, just email me because I don't want to write about IBS. Anymore.

Janis said...

Here's a little tidbit for the hair expert to drone on about and something I've been needing to know-Can you actually burn you hair with a flat iron? I'm quite aware you can burn your flesh with one as I've done that more than once but what about hair? And why did it just suddenly happen and not the other 645 times I've used it? Or did I just get too close to a candle and not realize it until I was fixing my hair the next morning? Thank you so much for this service!

IRW Dana said...

I would personally cause a ruckus if you didn't blog about your kids. My daughter and I started reading your blog when you were talking about IBS. We never laughed so hard. We started my daughter in law reading your blog by having her go back and read those posts too. You know we're laughing with you Mellisa. And I'm sure you've had a few of these moments as any true IBS sufferer knows. But you haven't shared them for a while. So if you need to share them so we can all share in you pain please feel free. We're here to help carry your burden.

Anonymous said...

You blogging about what you want to blog about is what brings me back.
I'm not looking for anything in particular.
Just gimme what ya got. It's all good honey!
Don't make me work for it! :)
Blog on!

~Another Melissa
(only not as gifted with the words as you)

Unknown said...

Melissa I haven't been blogging much but I have your blog sent right into my outlook every morning! At times I can hear others laughing because I forwarded your blog to them. I feel like I know you and getting closer to meeting you since we are both in Texas! Blog on sista!