Jun 11, 2009

You Give Love A Bad Name.

Today's Stretch Marks post is a special collectors edition of an interview conducted with Meridith.

Sweet Meridith. Sweet, innocent Meridith. Sweet, innocent, single Meridith. Meridith: The worst bachelorette in the history of the world. And now you will know why...

Me: So Meridith, tell me where you were on Sunday morning.

Mer: I'm not funny at this. And then you're gonna write this...no, that's not funny...you're gonna make up stuff...no, stop.

Me: Meridith, just tell me where you were on Sunday.

Mer: I was at church.

Me: Meridith, what church was that? Was it "Bedside Assembly?" The church you've been going to the past several weeks? The church with Bro. Sheets and Sister Pillow?

Mer: No, this was actually church church.

Me: Okay, Mer. What happened on Sunday at church that made you call me in a panic from the church parking lot?

Mer: Well, I was actually going to text you while everyone was giving offering but I thought that might be inappropriate so I waited to call you.

Me: And what did you call me about?

Mer: I wanted to tell you who was in church...who was only two rows in front of me.

Me: And who was that?

Mer: Danny Gokey.

* For those of you having trouble following us, Meridith is sitting in church with Danny Gokey. He is single. She is single. He sings. She voted for him.

Me: Meridith, did you enjoy your conversation with Danny?

Mer: I enjoyed the view.

Me: That is not what I asked.

Mer: I didn't talk to him. I was respecting his anonymity.

Me: Let me ask you this...did he get up and speak at church?

Mer: Yes.

Me: About his stint on American Idol?

Mer: Yes.

Me: That's not anonymity.

Mer: Melissa, he just started a foundation in the name of his deceased wife. I have a feeling he's not over it.

Me: What exactly is your point?

Mer: I don't' know how to answer that question. That was my answer. I can't be the silly girl that runs up to him and acts interested. Wait, don't type that...stop it. STOP!!!

Me: Meridith, how do you expect me to marry you off if you won't play by my rules?

Mer: I never asked you to marry me off. You're not my father.

Me: Don't get too serious, too heavy.

Mer: I told you I'm lame on paper.

Me: Meridith, you're not lame on paper. You're Andy Richter to my Conan O'Brian.

Mer: Okay, anyway...I didn't talk to him because I didn't want to be some pathetic groupie girl. I didn't want to come across as needy. Desperate. One-without-a-life.

Me: But I had the perfect opening line.

Mer: I was not going to say that!!!

Me: All you had to do was walk up and say, "Adam - I loved you on American Idol. I voted for you the night you wore the snakeskin pants."

Mer: (Laughs) I would have ended up saying something lame like, "I was so touched by your ministry."

Me: But see? We could work that to our advantage if you would have just said, "I so badly want to be touched by your ministry."



Shelley said...

D A N N Y G O K E Y !!!!!!!!!!
OMG......See, I would have been the pathetic groupie girl. (And I already have a Mr.) LOL. Hey Mer, is he as hot in real life?

Melissa said...

You soooooo need to pursue this Danny thing. Cute, Christian and has an amazing voice? What more could you ask for????

Lynda said...

It's fun to be good AND bad, isn't it?

Sissy said...

He would certainly be a catch and I am sure he would love Meredith! I mean, she's related to you, Melissa, so she must be awesome.

Anonymous said...

I am bright green with envy! (The good kind of envy, I mean.) I would have totally been shoving everybody else out of the way to get to "my" man. Love, love, love him. Mer could have asked him if anyone besides my husband thinks he is a dead ringer for Elvis Costello. That would have been a conversation starter ... especially since Mer has absolutely know idea who my husband is.


ugagirl30 said...

I had no idea who Danny Gokey is, but I googled images of him and does anyone else think it is a little strange that you are trying to marry Meredith off to someone who with the glasses is a little Attorney-Generalish. I'm just saying...

Janis said...

You.make.me.laugh. I WISH I was that funny! Except if I was I would have to have a lot more underwear because I'd be peeing my pants all the time!

Amy said...

You guys are hilarious!

Be Blessed!


disa said...


Anonymous said...

Ich meine, dass Sie den Fehler zulassen. Ich kann die Position verteidigen. Schreiben Sie mir in PM, wir werden reden. cialis ohne rezept levitra bestellen [url=http//t7-isis.org]levitra 20mg rezeptfrei[/url]

Anonymous said...

Bravo, me parece, es la frase admirable [url=http://csalamanca.com/category/viagra/ ]viagra es mala [/url] Que pensamiento talentoso http://csalamanca.com/ comprar viagra en andorra

Anonymous said...

No sois derecho. Soy seguro. Puedo demostrarlo. Escriban en PM, se comunicaremos. [url=http://csalamanca.com/category/viagra/ ]la viagra necesita receta [/url] Es conforme, es la variante excelente http://csalamanca.com/comprar-viagra-generico/ comprar viagra sin receta