Mar 16, 2009

And You Thought The Bachelor Was Over.

Well, my lovelies, it's Monday. Do you know what that means? It means that once upon a time The Bachelor came on every Monday evening on ABC, from 7pm-9pm. And like sheep being led to the slaughter we would all curl up on our couch with a big spoon of cookie dough and hope to goodness he would choose Melissa and they would live happily ever after.

But like sheep - we were dumb. He did choose Melissa. But they didn't live happily ever after. And all we got out of it? Four extra pounds...of cookie dough. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but I don't think so. I think we all are guilty of falling in love with the idea of falling in love. The problem with the Bachelor is those pesky cameras. They're everywhere. And how can you really figure out where you stand with someone when there are three cameras and fifteen crew members in the backseat with you? I imagine it must make for some really awkward small talk.

And so, as usual, and as with most things in my life, I think I have a better solution. I think The Bachelor doesn't have to be on television to work. I don't think there have to be cameras everywhere. I don't think there have to be red roses flown in from Angola once a week. And I'm pretty sure that a hot tub does not a marriage partner make.

And so I plan on doing something about it. And I need your help.

You see, every one of you, every single one of you, know someone in your life right now that is single. And it's that kind of person that whenever you think of them being single you think, "why? Why is this person still single? Whom must God have for them? And why haven't they come yet?"

And so I say we do something about it.

But since this is my blog and it was my idea - I get to go first.

Because when I think about The Stretch Marks Blog Bachelorette I think, "why is she still single?" She is one in a million, she is priceless, and if I have anything to do with it she will fall in love and give me 100% of the credit. It's how God intended.

Meet our 2009 Blog Bachelorette.

Meridith is my cousin. Her brother Brandon, herself and I grew up within walking distance of each other. Our mothers, who are sisters, are the bestest of friends and so the three of us grew up more as siblings really than as cousins. But when I was 20 and Mer was only 10 I got married and moved away. So for the past several years of our lives Mer and I have loved each other from a 700 mile distance. Until recently...

Mer moved to Nashville about 6 months ago. She has her Bachelor's Degree (no pun intended) in Elementary Education and hopes to teach school somewhere in the area by next year. She has spent the last several years of her life working in her church music department. She is a great singer and loves directing choirs and leading in worship.

I suppose it's at this juncture that I give you Meridith's worst fault: she's not a big animal lover. She's allergic to cats and gags at the smell of dog food. But I suppose I can move past it considering she sure does love my kids.

She's excellent with them and I shudder at the number of children God must have planned for her. After all, God always give lots of children to those whose favorite pastime is sleeping late. And that brings us to another part of Mer, her loves...

She loves sleeping late.

And she loves LOST. (But she really loves Jack.)

She loves cookie dough and the salad bar at Jason's Deli.

She loves pedicures but is too good with her money to ever splurge on them.

She loves Mexican food almost more than her own life.

She loves Mission Impossible III but is not a huge Tom Cruise fan.

She adores going to the movies and as disappointing as it is to me, refuses to eat popcorn.

She loves her family and is a daddy's girl alllllllll the way.

You can make her whole week just by promising her a night at home with Dr. Pepper and a deck of cards.

She's been in relationships - she's even been in love. But none of them made her want to try to squeeze into some white satin. And that's why she's still single.

She is a fiercely loyal friend and is a great listener.

I adore her.

Lastly I would like to say that Meridith is a fierce follower of Christ. His will is her desire. No if's, ands or buts. Though I once asked her, "What if you meet someone who isn't as dedicated a Christian as you?" To which she replied, "I'm always up for a good challenge."

So remember when I asked you to think of someone you know that's single? Well, let The Bachelorette begin. I want to know who they are. Do you have a nephew? A brother? Someone you go to church with? Someone you work with or live on the same street as? Well, bring. 'Em. On.

The Bachelorette can only survive with you. If there are no Bachelor's then this is pretty much just a post about my cousin, and well, I'm fairly certain that's boring. But together you and I can do more for true love than ABC ever thought about.

So grab you a bowl of cookie dough, pull a blanket over you and get to work. I want pictures, I want info., I want the 4-1-1.

Comments will be closed whenever I am posting about The Bachelorette. I only want comments (and trust me, I want them) sent directly to my email. Let's make this personal, shall we? Besides the last thing I want is someone leaving a comment about their 9th grade science partner who just got out of San Quentin and is looking for a good cook. Email seems to be a bit more personal and also a bit more private.

For each email I receive I will email you back. Meridith might as well. We'll ask questions and we'll let you get to know her a little better. And then come heck or high water we will make sure Meridith gets a chance to meet your Bachelor; whether it be by email, phone or even face-to-face. And for those of you who don't know of anyone single - don't worry - we'll keep you updated every step of the way.

So send me your thoughts.
Send me your ideas.
Send me your suggestions.
Send me your brothers.

And if he freaks and says, "I ain't letting you post my picture on some blog for the whole world to see." Remind him that there are, on average, 12 people who read this blog and he shouldn't flatter himself by thinking we would want to post his picture. We're all about playing hard to get.

Oh, and just so you know...I have Meridith's permission to do this. Her thoughts are, "Why not? What do I have to lose? I'm a catch." Okay, that's what I said. What she actually said is, "Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, are you serious? Are you sure? What if someone tries to buy me dinner and then tries to kill me?" But after I smooth talked her and took her to Jason's Deli, she was putty in my hands. ain't got nothin' on my girl.