Meridith: When was the last time you came to the mall?
Me: I have children. I don't come to the mall.
Meridith: I didn't think so, cuz you didn't know what Williams Sonoma was and you asked if they had a Chess king.
Me: Chess King rocked. They outfitted all of the guys in my 8th grade class for our 8th grade prom: "Fireworks and Friendships."
Meridith: Do you like that store?
Me: Yankee Candle? Uhhhh, yeah. Hello? They can make my entire house smell like cookie dough.
Meridith: Yum. You wanna go in there?
Me: No. Their candles cost like, $800.
Meridith: Do you wanna go in there?
Me: Thomas Kinkade Gallery? What am I? 80?
Meridith: Thank the Lord. What about there? You wanna go there?
Me: The Cookie Company? Yes, yes, I do.
Meridith: Good. Me too.
.......10 minutes later.......
Meridith: There's the Build-a-Bear store. I bought Remi that gift card for Christmas and still haven't taken her yet. I need to do that. You and I should plan a date to take her and do that.
Me: I'm not going.
Meridith: Why???
Me: Because not going to Build-a-Bear is my gift...
Meridith: To whom?
Me: To me.
Meridith: Wanna go in there?
Me: Buckle?
Meridith: Yeah.
Me: Uhhhh....no. Girls my age need thicker material. Thank you.
Meridith: Ohhhh....look. The Gap. I love The Gap.
Me: (nothing)
Meridith: What? You don't like The Gap?
Me: (silence)
Meridith: What don't you like about The Gap?
Me: (wait for it)
Meridith: Man, that's a big Gap. I would love to go in there, but...
Me: (stay silent long enough and it will come...)
Meridith: I mean, I've tried on their clothes, but...
Me: (and here it comes.)
Meridith: I'm too fat for their stupid clothes.
Me: Really? (My college counseling class would deem this the "let them talk it out" phase.)
Meridith: Yes. See that dress in the window? Do you think I should try and put that on my body?
Me: (my mother did not raise a fool, I keep my mouth shut.)
Meridith: They're sized too small.
Me: Oh yeah?
Meridith: Yep. And they're too expensive.
Me: Oh.
Meridith: But I do like them.
Me: I know.
Meridith: You know what I think?
Me: What's that?
Meridith: There should be a store called...
Me and Meridith at the exact same time: The FAT GAP!
.......Hysterical laughter......
Meridith: You were thinking it too?
Me: I was.
Me: Their clothes also shrink really bad when washed.
Meridith: Yes, yes they do! Thank you. That makes me feel better.
Me: And I'm pretty sure they give their money to save the planet causes.
Meridith: Ooohhhh, I hate that! Thank goodness I'm not giving them my money.
Me: Yep. Beautifully hip clothes, a huge spacious store, a company that tries to prolong the existance of all nature and living things. They suck.
Meridith: Yes they do suck.........want another cookie?
Me: Yep.
Meridith: Me too.
Apr 17, 2009
Fat Gap.
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19 comments:
A great post, as usual & I so identify! Thanks for my morning chuckle, dearie...
I think that was an awesome thing to do when you felt in over your head - hit the mall with Meridith. Sometimes you need a strategy like that to help you along. I do too. I like to buy myself comedy DVDs on huge sales.
ha ha ha That's hilarious. :) I went shopping with my 2 skinny SIL's when we were on family vacation, and they were in like Gap, Old Navy, PacSun...I'm like, okay, can we go to K-Mart now??? :)
Hahaha! Loved your post today! :) Chocolate chip cookies are my weakness!
Make mine oatmeal raisin with pecans thrown in for good measure.
LOL.
I'm came over from Bienvenue and I'm glad I did! You are a hoot! You and Meredith sound like me and my BFF. :)
The Fat Gap - I love it! Where can I find one??
OMG! This was so funny. I about spit my water out when I got to the part about Chess King. I had forgot all about that store. You funny!!
HAHAHAHAHA...I think I have snot coming outta my nose from laughing so hard. Love this post!!!!!
ROTFLMAO!!!! My side hurts this is SOOOO FREAKIN FUNNY!! My hubby is sitting here while I read this... he didn't understand my need to gasp for air... I LOVE YOU!!!!
I needed this... it was a long day!!
oh this was a good one...i hate the $%!@ mall. i swear to you that every store was made for those smaller than me.;) it just depresses me. luckily i have a skinny little 17 yr old who still makes shopping somewhat fun.
Hi Melissa, I came to your blog via Susie's post highlighting it. I have spent the last hour reading through it and have loved every minute of it! You are a very insightful writer and humorous to boot! So nice to meet you...or well, your blog anyway! :) ~Rhonda
I would totally shop at Fat Cheap Gap.
In fact, I do... they call it Old Navy.
Love it. Totally agree. Can't shop there either.
The Fat Gap. lol Old Navy is the Cheap Gap and they carry plus-sized clothing.
You are so funny!! Thank you for this good laugh!!! :)
Oh my goodness! This is so funny! I never go to the mall, so the Chess King line really cracked me up!
I want to go shopping with ya'll!
How histerical. I can almost hear your conversation going on in my head, how funny! Next time you go to the mall get me a cookie, please!
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