Apr 21, 2009

Tuesdays Really Should Be Treated Better Than This.

I know the eight of you who read me every day (Hi! Granny!) worried when I didn't show up for work yesterday. No need to worry. I just called in sick.

I have the motto that "if you can't do something well, then don't do it at all." And so yesterday I stuck to my guns on that one...and so I just did nothing at all. Which reminds me of another motto I recently adopted, "if you can't do something without not breaking a sweat then just deny that it has to be done and go back to bed."

That one is actually working out a lot better for me.

So since I am sitting in Texas in my parents house where they keep it around 94 degrees at all times - watching the NBA playoff game (Who am I kidding, I'm not watching, I couldn't even tell you who's playing; wait, yes I can, white vs. blue) - and popping Rolaids since my mom made her famous "tacos." (I use air quotes on purpose) I will do what every bloggy loser does when they have nothing else to do. I will make a list.

Oh, quit complaining.

Here is a list of things. Not things I love to do on a rainy Saturday. Not things I love to eat while vacationing in Rio. Not things I will find in my couch if I removed the cushions. Just things...ya know, random things.

Melissa's List of Random Things:

1. I tried watching The Closer, really I did. But she drives me up a wall. I know southern accents - I have a southern accent. That is not a southern accent. That is woman trying desperately to have a southern accent without looking like she's trying too hard. But she is. On the other hand you all should hear me say "looks like another point for the criminal justice system." I can say it just like her and so my parents and the AG make me do it all the time like I'm some sort of show pony. Which, let's be honest, I am.

2. My friend Theresa asked me the other day, "what have you decided to do with your hair?" When I told her I hadn't yet decided she said, "Well, you need to decide quickly. And when you do - let me know." So I'm thinking this in-between thing isn't working for her. Or me.

3. However, I did go get my hair colored. And now it's blond. Good, ol' fashioned, Paris-Hilton-only-wishes-she-was-this-white-trash blond. When I walked out the door to go get it done Meridith was watching my kids and I told her, "The next time you see me I'll look just like this - only a lot cheaper." She said, "That'll be hard." But I love it!

4. The AG and I saw State of Play on Saturday night. Really good. And this is coming from someone who looooaattthhheesss Russell Crowe. Still, really really good.

5. The following confession is illegal. Please do not turn me in or call Dateline: Last Friday on the way home from picking the AG up at the airport the kids and I were so excited to see him, and we stopped for ice cream not far from our house. After getting our ice cream and letting Rocco eat some of mine I left him in my arms - in the front seat - as we drove home. About two miles from our house I noticed a suburban with two women sitting in it who were looking at me horrified! And I realized it was because I was sitting in the front seat of a moving vehicle, with the windows rolled down and my 7 month old babies arm hanging out the window as we all sang along to Keith Urban. The only thing missing was a Lady Slim hanging from my mouth. It was then and there that I realized: I AM A REDNECK.

6. Is anyone else watching Kings? Love it; it really is quite good. But they moved it to Saturday nights. Which is never a good sign.

7. My juicing adventure has gone from juicing five days a week to making one glass of carrot juice a week, taking one sip, making a horrible face and pouring it down the drain. I tried.

8. Stay tuned to the Stretch Marks blog for the post: Somethin' Bad Is Goin' Down at the Comfort Inn. Oh yeah, I said Comfort Inn.

Talk to y'all later.

17 comments:

southerninspiration said...

You are just too funny......hope Tuesday works out ok for you.

Suzanne

Janis said...

I can.not.wait to read the Comfort Inn saga. Last week, I got caught up on the other sagas and laughed for two hours! Right up until the copier and printer at work broke at the same time, just before my class started. And I didn't even cuss. I think it was because I had been laughing so hard! Thanks!

Carrie said...

This was funny. We've been watching Kings...honestly, the first time I almost fell asleep, but they've gotten more interesting as it goes along. The Biblical parallels are interesting as well. :)

Susie from Bienvenue said...

Cant say Im watching any of those shows but I can keep up with ya on the redneck tour!

Shaka said...

Oh that is too funny! My friend lived 5 streets behind me in our neighborhood and whenever we went over there I always put my baby in my lap and we do it sometimes when we visit other friends in the neighborhood.

Deanna said...

Watched a Jack Lalane infomercial...am now convinced I need to juice everyday. Also am convinced I'll only stick with it about 5 days (if I'm really really good).

Melissa said...

You are so precious. I sweat walking from the kitchen to the computer. It's worth doing, though. I have wet hair sticking to the back of my neck as I type this. Oh yeah, I just made the bed. That's why. I hate sweating, but it's what I do. That's why I haven't been on DWTS yet. I hate to sweat in front of large crowds.

Speaking of bad southern accents, have you watched the Lifetime movie about the Amber Alert? That mom's accent is the worst I've ever heard. Her exact words were "PO-lice". It was nauseating.

Anonymous said...

Melissa- It's not OK to put Rocco on your lap. I am a faithful subscriber and I LOVE you. But that is not OK. It might be the "redneck thing to do" but it's not safe and it's poor parenting.
Spank em', feed em' chips, and let em' watch TV (I do). But don't let them be un-restrained in the car.

Your Friend (seriously)
Caren

Aja Jenise said...

You make being real... look good!!
'Bout time someone does... or someone can... since you do it effortlessly!

Ashley said...

Okay, I can really picture this scene - driving down the road, baby in driver's lap hanging out the window, driver with cig hanging out of her mouth, singing 'Better Life' at the top of her lungs....

Priceless!

Lynda said...

So glad you're back... I was having withdrawals!

mommaof4wife2r said...

juicing? i wouldn't have made it to the actual juicer part! good work for trying....

martha said...

Oh, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you. I can't remember how I found your blog, but am so glad I did.

Do you have a post that explains who Meridith is? (Not the TV Meridith).

Your profile picture hair rocks!

C and C Mommy said...

I have let my kids ride in my lap...don't tell anyone!!

I liked State of Play too!!

Jennifer Henry said...

We saw State of Play Saturday as well! I feel soooo connected with you right now! (;

Can't wait for "Somethin' Bad Is Goin' Down at the Comfort Inn". Is that a weird statement? I can't wait to read about your bathroom experience in a hotel? I think that would be weird by normal standards. Oh well. I never said I was normal. My mom has always said "Normal is just a setting on the dryer."

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

You are so funny. And I'm thinkin nothing good ever happens at a Comfort Inn. Can't wait.

neeki said...

Just when I thought you couldn't give me more reasons to love you....Keith Urban!!! Will you go with me to his concert in August? Oh my! We'd have so much fun!!