In Over My Head.

Sheesh...today has been a long one. As I am writing this I am sitting in a dark room (finally), with no sound (finally), no children running and screaming (finally), no phones ringing (finally), no knocks at the door, no buzzer on the dryer going off.


I am alone. All is quiet. And I am ashamed.


And a little embarrassed.


Scratch that, alot embarrassed.


Today was one of those days when I did a lot of different things, and none of them did I do very well. I've been having a lot of those days lately.


I am a wife: But when he calls all I want to do is talk about me, whine about me, talk about me some more. Sometimes we hang up without me even remembering to say, "how is your day going?" Oftentimes we hang up without me ever knowing why he called to begin with. Because we never get to it. Because "I" got in the way.


I am a mother: But then there's all the yelling. The slamming a dishtowel on the counter because "someone" wants another sippy cup. Another one? Seriously? There's taking a People magazine and walking into the bathroom, locking the door, and just plopping down on the floor. There's putting them down early for a nap. Or turning on one more cartoon. And knowing that if video cameras were set up in this house we would be a Dateline special waiting to happen.


I am a friend: But thank the Lord for Facebook or I wouldn't know how 2/3 of my friends even are. I don't write. I don't call. And I rarely make myself available were any of them to need me. I say "I have a lot going on," but selfishness rarely takes a holiday.


I am a daughter: But at times I am not a very good one. I forget their birthdays and anniversary's, yet cry FOUL if they were to forget mine. I get testy and temperamental. I get sappy sweet. Only to do it all over again. I cry "give me space," and then "why haven't you called?" Call it "complex", really it's just childish.

Today I told my daughter that we were going to learn a life lesson, it's called "we will not eat like an animal - we will eat like a lady." This may be why it was such a long day. Eating oatmeal like a lady instead of like a wolverine takes a lot of patience on the part of the student and the teacher.

By the end of the day I had stripped off pajamas covered in oatmeal, washed a blanket laced in applesauce and slipped and fell in yogurt in my kitchen floor. Did I mention it was a long day?

Silly metaphor, but it works.

This life of mine is a mess. And oftentimes I feel so over my head that I might be doing everyone a favor to just slip under my applesauce blanket and call it a day. Or I could decide to try. Try to be a lady. Try to be a better wife. A more patient mother. A more loving daughter. I'll slip and fall, sure. But if a two year old can try it, so shall I.

Who's with me?

Who's in over their head in this life? But willing to wipe themselves off and start over? Today is a new day. And though we are sinners saved by grace, we are not wolves, we are ladies.

Eat up.