Apr 16, 2009

In Over My Head.

Sheesh...today has been a long one. As I am writing this I am sitting in a dark room (finally), with no sound (finally), no children running and screaming (finally), no phones ringing (finally), no knocks at the door, no buzzer on the dryer going off.


I am alone. All is quiet. And I am ashamed.


And a little embarrassed.


Scratch that, alot embarrassed.


Today was one of those days when I did a lot of different things, and none of them did I do very well. I've been having a lot of those days lately.


I am a wife: But when he calls all I want to do is talk about me, whine about me, talk about me some more. Sometimes we hang up without me even remembering to say, "how is your day going?" Oftentimes we hang up without me ever knowing why he called to begin with. Because we never get to it. Because "I" got in the way.


I am a mother: But then there's all the yelling. The slamming a dishtowel on the counter because "someone" wants another sippy cup. Another one? Seriously? There's taking a People magazine and walking into the bathroom, locking the door, and just plopping down on the floor. There's putting them down early for a nap. Or turning on one more cartoon. And knowing that if video cameras were set up in this house we would be a Dateline special waiting to happen.


I am a friend: But thank the Lord for Facebook or I wouldn't know how 2/3 of my friends even are. I don't write. I don't call. And I rarely make myself available were any of them to need me. I say "I have a lot going on," but selfishness rarely takes a holiday.


I am a daughter: But at times I am not a very good one. I forget their birthdays and anniversary's, yet cry FOUL if they were to forget mine. I get testy and temperamental. I get sappy sweet. Only to do it all over again. I cry "give me space," and then "why haven't you called?" Call it "complex", really it's just childish.

Today I told my daughter that we were going to learn a life lesson, it's called "we will not eat like an animal - we will eat like a lady." This may be why it was such a long day. Eating oatmeal like a lady instead of like a wolverine takes a lot of patience on the part of the student and the teacher.

By the end of the day I had stripped off pajamas covered in oatmeal, washed a blanket laced in applesauce and slipped and fell in yogurt in my kitchen floor. Did I mention it was a long day?

Silly metaphor, but it works.

This life of mine is a mess. And oftentimes I feel so over my head that I might be doing everyone a favor to just slip under my applesauce blanket and call it a day. Or I could decide to try. Try to be a lady. Try to be a better wife. A more patient mother. A more loving daughter. I'll slip and fall, sure. But if a two year old can try it, so shall I.

Who's with me?

Who's in over their head in this life? But willing to wipe themselves off and start over? Today is a new day. And though we are sinners saved by grace, we are not wolves, we are ladies.

Eat up.

38 comments:

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

I'm in. Thanks for this great {and funny!} post - I stopped over from Susie's blog and I think I'll hang around :)

Givinya De Elba said...

It's hard. I am proud of you for getting up and trying again. I'll do that too.

Amy said...

I am sooo with you sister! My sweet husband left me 4 love notes around the house which I found this morning! Immediately I started doing things around the house, wanting to make him proud. I'm so blessed to have my children and husband but I often take them all for granted. I will start fresh today! His mercies are new everyday, Amen?!!! I will pray for you today! And-I LOVE Facebook and you made me think, I DO use that instead of calling..I feel like I am all caught up..we 'talk' all day! not true..hmm..thanks for reminding me!

Melissa said...

Oh sweet child, I so remember those days. And I had 3 under 5 for about 6 months. I know you didn't ask for words of wisdom or advice, because people would give me those too but it never seemed to apply to ME. All I can tell you is I firmly believe God has extra grace for mothers of preschoolers who are living without a hubby who is hundreds of miles away and trying to sell a house (thus trying to keep it clean) and take a shower at least every other day. Truthfully some days I think it is ok to hide in the bathroom with the magazine (I still do!) and I also think it is ok some days to crawl under the applesauce blanket. Better yet, crawl in bed with that 2 y/o at nap and see how different you both wake up.

Anytime you need someone to come over and just clean your house before a showing, call me. I truly love cleaning up (usually) and would love to be able to do that for you.

O:)
Melissa

Shelley said...

You could have written this post about me. Have you got cameras in my house?
Thanks for the insight and the words of grace from our Father. I had my first marriage counseling session yesterday, and I found out some things about myself that I didn't really like that much. But with the grace of God, those are going to be getting better not continuing. And I also learned that that is not going to happen overnight and that I shouldn't condemn myself over them when I slip and they happen again.
I love you and your family and I love how real you are. I appreciate it.

Tabi said...

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that doesn't want to fill up another sippy cup sometimes! I am with you and thank you for being so honest with us! Here's to today being a better day with better attitudes!!

snoodlings.com said...

I usually lurk for awhile before I comment, but I'm a little concerned that somehow I came over here and wrote a post on your blog without knowing it. A lot of that sure sounds like me!

I'm so thankful his mercies are new every morning and want to take full advantage of any and every opportunity at a do-over. Lately what works for me is to not make grandiose, long-term goals, but to say, just for today, I'm going to listen more, talk less, etc. I can't make any promises for a week from Tuesday, but just for today, this is my goal. If I blow it by lunchtime my goal turns into "just for this afternoon."

Thanks for your transparency!

southerninspiration said...

It's a really, really good thing that we get a fresh start every day.......GREAT is the faithfulness of God! You are doing a mighty work being a mamma, a missionary to the NATIVES!!! Don't be too hard on yourself......God loves you with an everlasting love. Can I get an amen!?

Suzanne

Shonya said...

I have nothing to add--other than 'you are not alone'. Maybe I should get off the computer and work on being a better mom already today!

Teri from Indiana said...

The best part of God's grace is that while it's new every morning, it's refillable during the day.
I am so with you!! Today will be better. Please God, let it be better.

Susie from Bienvenue said...

Thank you! I forgot my Moms birthday and she gave me a very hard time about it. My head has been in Mommy mode...summer break and helping one do graduation invitations. No time to think around here must less keep up with birthdays. I feel so bad and said sorry ten times....she didnt budge. I must act like a lady...I must act like a lady....

TnTmom said...

I have never left a comment here before but have been lurking for a while. So, first an apology for never commenting on how much I enjoy your blog! It is wonderful, funny, and eye opening. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings in this post. I am right there with you. Every day I wake up and vow to be a better, more patient mom and wife. Every night, I go to bed thinking I didn't quite make it again! I have a wonderful husband who travels for work more then he is home, 2 beautiful, but extremely energetic boys, and lots of volunteer commitments and lately have felt like my head is going to explode if one more person says my name or mommy, which is so not fair to my boys. I am truly blessed but sometimes lose sight of that. Thanks for making me feel like I am not the only mom who falls short sometimes! I read a quote once that said having children is like being pecked to death by chickens...oh but how I love my "chickens" and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else except on my family's "funny farm"!!!!

bunchofbull-ers! said...

Thanks for the reminder. I've had a rough week. I need to wallow in His grace instead of my self pity. Have a blessed day!

Fran said...

You made me smile. Cause I have been there. Believe it or not, this too shall pass. I think Trace Atkins has a song out that says, "Your gonna miss this" and as hard as it is to believe, you will. My kids are grown (hahahaha, are they ever grown?) with the oldest being 27 and the youngest 21. And I do miss this....

Smiles,
Fran

Lauren W said...

Oh my, seems like you and I were on the same page last night...
I hereby declare that today, I will not be a wolf!

Kim said...

Melissa...this is why I love you...and your blog! You're not afraid to be transparent and I so relate to your post today. Thanks for being real...God loves that!

StitchinByTheLake said...

Bless your heart for voicing what so many young mothers feel! I'm way past those days, though I haven't forgotten them, and I'm so in awe of all that young women do today. My daughter-in-law is the absolute best and right now she is feeling the same as you. I wish I had the words to convince you both that it's ok, that you're ok, that these truly will be days you look back on and smile. You are truly a remarkable woman, gifted by our Lord and loved by your family and friends. It's ok to have a day, or three, when things don't look so good. blessings, marlene

Lynda said...

Goodness! It is hard to get up and start over sometimes, isn't it? Good for you - you did it!

Jenny said...

Amen sister! Thank you for blessing us with your story today. Of course, NONE of us can relate... (note the sarcasim). What a gift you are to so many mothers.

Jaci said...

I get it. This stage of life (little kids and babies) is very hard. My mom has asked me if I've disowned her since I never call anymore--and honestly, I'm just BUSY. I'm spread too thin, and I can't keep up with everything and everyone.

So, yeah. I feel you.

mommaof4wife2r said...

oh pick me...pick me. i'm over my head a lot. hubs is traveling a lot and with 4 girlies and all the sports and schools and therapies...and my sanity, well, there's not enough time.

i feel bad at the end of the day when i remember i disciplined more than loved...and then think, was it just me fighting too many battles.

anyway, i keep saying, this is a season...and it's also why the lord wants us to have older, wiser, friends to help us along to remind us that it won't always be this way. i'm thankful that i have a 14 yo that i see now as a young woman. i swear yesterday she was 2, being a hemorrhoid at my butt needing juice in her sippy. now, she's got softball and a bf and school and friends and although i'm still important, she needs only a little of ne now...and i miss her "hemorrhoid-ish" needs.

Rhonda said...

I am so with you!! I have had a very rough time with my kids lately. Maybe it's just spring fever. Kids are great when they are getting their way. Which is a lot, let's be honest. But the one single time they get told "No", WATCH OUT!

I spent 9 hours spring cleaning my main level, and two days later, you couldn't tell I had done a thing.

I am an invisible entity at work, with a manager who is driving me crazy, but can't seem to find anything else.

And as a daughter?? Hmmm. I'll tell you after I get back from a Mother/Daughter overnight vegging-out trip this weekend. lol

Janis said...

I really liked this post and intended to comment on it but then I got caught up with your other posts and was too busy peeing my pants over your "something's going down" series that I can't muster a single serious thought. Not only have I (at various times in my life, not currently, "thank you Lord!") had IBS, I also had a bounce house problem. You can read my abbreviated poem version here:

http://jandy5.blogspot.com/2008/12/ode-to-my-meniscus.html

Hairline Fracture said...

Wonderful post, Melissa. I think all mothers of little ones have felt like this at some point. Thanks for being so real.

Ashley said...

That is a good reminder.

Like right now: I should be focusing on being a better worker than a blogger, I just can't help myself.

Need to focus!

Ele at abitofpinkheaven said...

I'm with you! Susie sent me to visit you and so glad she did! Applesauce blankets are pretty sweet and thank God for Grace.

Rebekah said...

Got my hand raised over here!

My Beautiful Mess! said...

You so got this right!!!

Carrie said...

Oh, dear. This is just what I feel like over here today. I know I'm just being overly emotional & overwhelmed, but yes, I definitely feel busy & like I haven't gotten anything right for a long time. Thanks so much for sharing this!!!

Candice said...

I truly believe that God knew a lot of people needed that! Me included. Thank you for always being open to the Holy Spirit and for your willingness to share. That's why we love you!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you sister in the Lord...I work full time and am a empty nester...ok 1 son in his junior year of college and applying to medical school this june. I love my husband and all 3 children plus a daughter inlaw. I struggle with time management because fun calls me and I'm off. People are always more interesting than housework.
Debbie

Andrea Frederick said...

Oh Melissa,

Thanks for this post. I felt this way too today! I am also a teacher, so it's this age group ALL DAY LONG! It was this and that and when ball practice finally rolled around I was yelling, slamming, and wagging my finger. My poor son was so sad he didn't even want to go to practice by then. I will try not to be a wolf anymore, good luck to you.

In my prayers!

Deb said...

Found you through The Nester... and so glad I did. I am so thankful I read your post. It made me feel a little more human knowing that I'm not the only one that feels the way I do. I'm not perfect in any aspect, but somehow I know that it will be okay. Or at least I really hope and pray that it will be. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

Amy said...

Amen for 'do overs'!!!

Great post!!

Marci said...

i just came her by way of susie's blog...first time i have ever read your blog or even heard of you. thank god above that i did...this just made my day. thank you, thank you, thank you. i don't know whether to laugh or cry.;D

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I get over my head most every day. But then I just keep swimming.

Aja Jenise said...

Okay... so I always explain to hubby here... how therapeudic it is to read your blog... as well as hysterically funny! So he peeked over my shoulder on this one... he gets it now.

But more than that, you have found so many ways to express these sentiments and to help us reallize that even though we aren't congregating on the sidewalks, or gabbing over hanging the laundry out to dry. We have found a way to confide, comfort, support and laugh together... AND we dont even know one another, except through these common bonds.

Thank you for the uncanny similitude today... it makes mine more bearable.

Anna See said...

I feel your struggle. I spent a lot of time locked in my bathroom w/ a diet pepsi when my kids were little. They are now 7 and 10. You will make it through. It will get easier, I promise!

There were so many times when I was darn glad Dateline wasn't filming at my house.