Look Ma! I'm On A Shelf!

Okay, that was a whoooooollllleeeee lotta grief I took over that durn face mask. Deb called me The Lone Ranger...Deanna apparently thinks I need a nose job...and of course Lula just thinks I'm sexy (but really? What's new with that?)

Lucky I am a firm believer that "if you're going to dish it out you had better be able to take it." Oh wait, I got myself confused with someone mature there for a moment.

That's not me.

I'm more of the "if you're going to dish it out then do it fast and hard and then run like heck for the door."

Oh, yeah...that is definitely more me.

SO HA! I am not going to tell you all that it is an electric sinus mask.
And I am not going to tell you I got it at Wal-greens.
So there!

Okay, now comes our portion of the evening where I brag on myself.

Oh, did you not know that was part of the gig? Obviously you're new here. Welcome!

So about three months ago I was called in by one of our Publishing Companies here in town, Brentwood Benson, for a meeting. They are responsible for putting out some of the biggest and best Christmas and Easter musicals that are sung in churches each and every year. They have a new one coming out next year entitled "GOD SPEAKING" (you may have heard the song performed by artists Ronnie Freeman and Mandisa) and they want ME to write the narration for it.

Do you know what this means?
Me neither.
But my momma will be proud.

So I was going to tell you all then, but truthfully, I was pretty sure they would fire me soon after meeting me. I mean, I'm not sure what narration writers look like but I imagine they walk around with pencils behind their ears always ready at the slightest moment of inspiration. And they probably wear a lot of wrinkle-free Dockers so that they are able to bend down and pet a deer or help an old lady off a bench.

Now imagine me.

I'll help you.

See? No Dockers. In fact, there's a pretty healthy chance I forgot to even put on pants in that picture. We can't be sure.

So I came home after our meeting and started my task. Which involves getting into the Christmas spirit while filling up Remi's Timmy the Turtle Pool and rubbing Spf -3 on my body. However, I did light a Christmas scented candle in hopes that would help. But I just ended up making cookies and eating till I threw up.

However, I finally finished it and sent it to them. I went in yesterday for the dreaded meeting where they sit you down and tell you what they thought. And guess what? They loved it! Well, I don't know if they actually used the word "love" but there were some pretty strong words being flung around that room - so I'm going to stick with, "yes, yes they did use the word 'love'."

There were hardly any corrections they wanted to make and they said I wrote in a very conversational, relatable style that was very different and current. And of course I replied, "Hey - then you should read Somethin' Bad's Goin' Down at the Changs." Because if a good story about irritable bowl doesn't impress - nothing will.

So there you have it! I am going to be in Christian bookstores. Not those "wordly" bookstores like Barnes and Noble or Borders. Which serve *gasp* flavored coffee's and have *shutter* Sci-Fi sections. Babylon, I tell ya. Babylon.

It will be called GOD SPEAKING by: Tony Wood, Ronnie Freeman and Melissa Lee.

Or knowing my luck, GOD SPEAKING by: Tony Wood, Ronnie Freeman and Melinda Li.