Mar 16, 2011

What A Sweet Heart.

If you don't hear from me over the next couple days never fear. I've just taken a few days to go and bask in the glory that is Spring Break with a little get-a-way vacation with the AG and our kiddos. Now, if you don't hear from me on Monday then go ahead and set your TiVo's to record Dateline because it will no doubt be a story on how a mother from a small town in East Texas was found hanging upside down on a roller coaster at Six Flags with a sign around her neck that reads, "Trust me, this is better than going back to a hotel room with them!"

Hey, it could happen.


So last week my Granny had a small heart-attack. Now, now, before you start going on over her let me assure you she has been well taken care of. She has been cooked for and cared for and cleaned for and has had someone do her hair and her laundry and her grocery shopping. She's been treated like a Queen, I assure you. And it's not because we're scared of her.

Uh, huh. No way. Nope. Not us.

She's not scary. Not at all.

But despite the discomfort of a heart-attack, despite the pain of having a stint put in, and despite the stress it can put a person under, my Granny just keeps knocking 'em outta the park! Here are a couple of things you might have heard my Granny say had you been standing within 50 feet of her (because the woman cannot whisper.)

"Did you hear that I became friends with one of the nurses? Your Aunt Melba didn't like it one bit. She said I take up with all sorts of stragglers, but what I wanted to tell her was 'SO DO YOU!' She takes up with people just because they're funny - but really they make NO SENSE! And she got mad at me for being nice to this nurse but I really liked her even though her son has long hair like a girl. She works hard and is saving her money for a cow."

"Annette, who is that Doctor? I think he's a foreigner!"

"Meridith, what is that smell in here?"
"That would be you, Granny."
"Well, spray something."

"Well, you're surrounded by oxygen so I don't know if I...."
"Fine, I'll tell Annette to bring a candle and burn it."
"I'm pretty sure that could be fatal."
"Sit down and hush."
(Annette brought a candle. They burnt it until the Hospital Administrator asked them to blow it out considering the oxygen tanks sitting around the room.)

"When they were putting that stint in me I looked around the room and though, 'Good grief, everyone here is so fat.' "
(This is coming from a woman who has never once shopped in the petite sizes.)

And my personal favorite...

(My Granny was assigned a male nurse her first day in the E.R. He was Asian. Bless his heart.)
"You know I haven't stepped foot in this hospital in two years!"
"Is that right, Miss Willmon?"
"Nope. The last time I was here y'all killed my husband!"
"You did! You killed him! Gave him all that terrible medicine from CHINA!"

Yep, she's doing juuuuuuuust fine.


Anonymous said...

Got to love family!
Annette (from Missouri)

ugagirl30 said...

You are going to have to write a book of Granny-isms! LOL

Andi said...

OH my. Terrible medicine from CHINA?


I once had a man tell me when I still worked nights that I needed to get off of night shift because all night shift nurses are fat.

Don't worry. We hear it all as healthchare providers. We take it well considering we tell people stuff they don't want to hear all the time also.

The worst: You remind me of Carrot Top with your hair. I think I will call you Carrot Top.

And the jerk did. Him? I did not take so well.

Anonymous said...

Love me some Granny!


Anonymous said...

oh my goodness! I love your Granny. Glad she is doing well. I so needed this laugh tonight!