Jul 12, 2010

Aaaahhhrighty Then.

Laugh at me. Go ahead. Get a good, hardy laugh at my expense. I don't care. I have absolutely no pride left.

So go ahead.

Several weeks ago you may remember that the women in my family had sort of an intervention for me regarding my undergarments. It went sorta like this (though I will admit, I'm paraphrasing)...

"Melissa, tame your beasts."

"Melissa, what are you wearing under there? Anything? Are you wearing anything at all?"

"Melissa, I will give you $100 right now if you will go buy some Spanx for pete's sake. And a bra. For the love of mercy buy a bra!

Now for the record I would like to state that I own a bra. Several of them.

- I have that one that fits like a glove but is almost seven years old and if someone looked at it just right it would burst into a million pieces. It's old. It's ugly. It has a stain from some sort of chili incident a few years back. But I love it.

- Then I have the one that feels exactly like I am being persecuted for my beliefs. It hurts. It has like, sixteen snaps or buttons on it and it appears to be made out of the same titanium China is smuggling. I hate it with all my heart but my Granny bought it for me becuase I "look like I'm about to kill over" according to her and I'll be honest, if I need to wear a dress where my oobies touch the sky - this is my go-to bra.

- Then I have the white, black and grey work out bras. They are comfortable and they love me because I have never been mean to them and made them work out.

- And lastly I have the hidous purple thing my friend T bought me because she thought I needed some spice in my life. It looks like she ripped it off a streetwalker in Transylvania. It fits me absolutely nowhere. T says this is the point.

Until now.

Ladies, allow me to introduce you to.......


(The name is corny. I didn't come up with it.)

But you know what I love even better than a wire-free, comfy bra? A good infomercial.

What can I say? I'm a sucker.

So Sunday when I saw the infomercial for the Aah Bra I knew I had to have it. It promises everything girls want in a bra; it doesn't clamp or pull or tug or sweat or pinch or poke or sag. And yet it holds and firms and de-bulges and smoothes. Am I in a dream?

So I ordered one. Actually I ordered three. Don't laugh, they were buy one get two free. (Which the AG says is a bad sign, but what does he know. He prefers that hideous purple thing.) So don't be hatin' on me for getting the Aah Bra before any of you! And certainly don't hold your breath that I'll be modeling it. Just suffice it to say that if it doesn't work and it still looks like I'm carrying deer meet around my neck (my mother's words, not mine) the women in my family will speak up. You can count on that.

And then I'll make them go with me to find the perfect bra - and that will be another post in itself.


Shelley said...

I love my new hideous purple bra. Being over endowed with oobies that are sagging like all get out, it's imortant for support, but to me, i MUST BE COMFORTABLE. If it hurts I ain't gonna wear it. And I have disgraced my mama a few times because of that attitude.
Can't wait to hear about this miracle bra.

Miss Jenn said...

you crack me up!...I got nothing going on there so no one notices what I'm wearin' (or lack there-of!). hope the new saddle is "ahhhh mazing!"

Laurie said...

OH my! I had to laugh. Had to. My daughter is 13 and we just had her first trip to Victoria's Secret! We went to Dallas where NO ONE would see her....she looked like a scarecrow while the lady was measuring her. She's all tomboy and would just really rather prefer her sports bras. She' hasn't got much, but everyone kept telling me it was something I just had to do!

Kelle said...

Hey Melissa. I appreciate your comment you left me the other day and wanted to let you know I gave you a big shout-out on my blog. I was serious about speaking engagements. Don't know if you do them or not, but I'd be interested to know if you ever travel to Central Florida.
Good luck with your new flopper stoppers! I don't have that problem so live it up sister.

Anonymous said...

Really laughed a lot from your blog, thanks. Wanted an update though, as I might break down and buy some. Did you like the Aah Bras??

Anonymous said...

i cant wait to hear what you think of the Aah Bra! I ordered the Aah Bra on sunday (aswell!) for my Nan and i hope you give them the thumbs up! If its as amazing (and suppotive) as it sounds i'll definately be buying a few haha!!
Best of luck!

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