Jul 13, 2009

The Bachelorette: TLBTC

This week I watched The Bachelorette under enviable circumstances.

Well, some circumstances were enviable; I was plopped on the couch between two of my girlfriends, miles away from screaming children and poopy diapers.

Some were not so enviable; one of our husbands (who shall remain nameless per his high profile job and fancy sneakers) was there and felt it necessary to comment on the fact that all the men on the Bachelor were less than par, there was a good chance they were all in love with each other, and Jillian talked like a valley girl and he found it ingratiating.

Eventually we told him to leave the room or he would have to clean the kitchen.

You've never seen a white man move so fast.

Speaking of white men...

Nice segue, Mel. Why yes, it was.

Tonight's episode of The Bachelorette (which shall heretofore be referred to as The Little Bachelor That Couldn't or TLBTC) certainly did not disappoint. (If you saw this episode then you know there's a horrible joke in there somewhere but I dare not print it for I would like to graduate from that Christian University I pay 4 million dollars to.)

Anywhoo...tonight Jillian made the mistake to end all mistakes. She let Reid go.

Dear Jillian,

When a man tells you that you really aren't his type (he's only previously dated blonds) and he picks on you endlessly, it means he's got spunk. Take it from me - keep him. When he looks at you because he can't take his eyes off of you. Keep him. When he stumbles over his words and tells you that he's scared, but hold his arms up and says "I like you this much"...keep him. He genuine. He's real. But now, he's gone.

Shockingly, she kept Kipton.

This, I cannot explain. Kipton has nothing going for him from what I can tell. And when a man actually looks more attractive wearing a helmet than he does not wearing a helmet, that really says something about his ears. But I think the biggest thing we learned about Kipton came from the point in tonight's episode when she asked him to tell her his biggest fault...........and he couldn't come up with one!

Dear Jillian,

When you ask a man his biggest fault and he can't come up with one - THAT is his biggest fault! Take it from married women all over the world, you will deal with endless tirades of how they were "right" about the check being tossed out with the trash, they were "right" about how long your mother would stay when she said she was "only here for three days" and they were "right" about your friend Derrick from Junior college who did eventually marry a man in interior design. If you know you are committing to a lifetime of them being right all the time, then why in the world would you keep a man who is already claiming to be right??? This should be the time in the relationship when he tells you his biggest faults are he cries at chick movies and he cares too much! Sheesh.

And then there's Ed. Dear, sweet, came from some nerdy stock, Ed.

Ed ran into a few roadblocks this week. None of them can I discuss on this here forum though Ed is the reason that we are now referring to this show as TLBTC.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

(By the by, this was the point in the evening when said husband yells at the television, "You're a 29 year old MMAAAANNNN! Did you know that when I was a 29 man, I..." - but we forced him from the room as we refused to listen to the last part of that statement.)

Dear Jillian,

When a man wears short-shorts, let him go. That'll be all.

So my lovelies, what are your thoughts? I know you all - and if you're one thing, it's not shy. So fess up! You watched it. What did you think?

Oh, and one last note: Once I was in a hotel room with The AG, he was 29. We were tired, we were exhausted, we were sunburned. And yet, amazingly, none of that mattered.

Good night.


~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

Thanks for reminding me about that little trip to Panama City I went on with my husband when he was 29. Twenty nine was a good year. :)

Anonymous said...

For clarification the AG is home taking care of the kids while Mrs. Stretch Marks travels the world. Although high profile job and fancy sneakers I do have.

The AG

Shannon said...

My husband was 29 last year... awesome year!!! 30 isn't looking too bad either!

Anonymous said...

I've followed your blog for sometime now (don't remember how I found it but so glad I did) and just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your humor.....and particularly your Bachelorette humor. I can't wait to read your recap each Tuesday--always makes me laugh. My hubby and me both made comments about the short shorts too and I'm so with ya on Ed's coming from some nerdy stock. Hello.....where did he come from! and I TOTALLY agree about letting Reid go...big mistake.
Keep makin us laugh
Megan E
Aiken, SC
everittfamily dot blogspot dot com

southerninspiration said...

this show continues to flabbergast me, and yet I cannot look away.


Desha said...

Poor Jillian, no wonder she was sobbing uncontrollably. I mean, if it doesn't happen in a fancy suite with thousands of candles and you wearing nothing but a t-shirt that shows your navel, its just not going to happen, no matter what big promises Ed makes. Can you imagine looking at those legs in that man-kini and that hairy back in 30 years? Huge mistake letting Reid go. He was my favorite. I couldn't WAIT to hear what you had to say about last night. Definately a doozy:)

Sissy said...

I knew poor Reid was going home after she talked to Ed, and he dropped the L word. I felt so bad for him when he was in the limo, cause he realized just how important she was to him. I just kept rooting for him to "spit it out!" He could tell the camera how he felt, but not Jillian. He was my favorite.

I think she'll end up picking Ed, cause he's fought so hard for her now. The lack of chemistry was something she just shouldn't have brushed off. She may kick herself for that later.

Love your recaps, and hope you have fun wherever you are.

Can't wait until next week with the Men Tell All! Should be good.

Jennifer T. said...

I feel sorry for Ed. Not for whorey Jillian, though. Serves her right he couldn't get it up! I can't believe she let Reid go. He was the only one worth anything after last night. Oh well, whoever she ends up with will inevitably break up with her and it will end like all of the other shows before.

But I can't wait to see good ole Jason and Molly next week! Rrright...

Rae said...

Reid was SO my favorite. SO sad.

I hate top hold it against Ed though, performance anxiety is a killer, and those camera crews don't let up. BUT I also don't think they know each other as well as they think they do.

But I totally knew Reid was going when Ed spoke on the video about a proposal and love. Jillian was burned too badley by the last guy not following through, and Reid just couldn't put his committment and emotion into words (although the "I love you this much" was pretty darn cute to me).

Kypton she has had this strange chemistry with, I had a feeling she'd keep him.

A smuch as Reid was my favorite, I think she could work it out with anyt of the three, and I think this is the first season of any of these shows that I thought the final 3 were all okay.

Anonymous said...

First episode that I truly just sat down and watched, so I don't know a whole lot about any of these guys. Do know that I couldn't get past the short green swim trunks. That should have been a huge indicator that things might not be "up to par" later..lol. What was he thinking?? T.P.

Rhonda said...

TLBTC!! Oh. My. Stars!! Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to leave you a message to let you know that I look forward to reading your blog every Tuesday.....I so love the Bachelorette and we SO share the same ideas!! I love your humor. I found your blog through a friends blog....in case you were wondering. Anyway, I am bummed about Reid too. I keep telling my husband that there is a reason Jillian is still single.....she can not pick men!!! I think Reid is coming back to propose.....but I bet she still picks Ed....and I am afraid she will be a little disappointed on the honeymoon!!! Enough rambling, just wanted to let you know that I enjoy your blog.

Deanna said...

Ugh! Those green short shorts and that tacky tacky tacky blue tank top. Based on style alone, Ed should have been docked a gazzillion Bachelorette points.

To Jennifer who commented before me and called Jillian "whorey"...AMEN! How can you give yourself to two guys, try to throw yourself at another, and then turn around and send one home without being completely and utterly affected? And how can the guy that ends up with her know that he's got the whole and complete Jillian when it seems like every week she loses a piece of herself when she tells someone (or someTHING in Wes' case) to go home?

Leading into another topic, uhhhh...If Little Eddie has problemos now, then he's gonna have problemos later. I got one word for him....it's called Viagra.

I loved Reid and how easy he and Jillian got along and laughed and teased. And one more thing about Reid, he may have had a hard time saying "I Love You" but I'd bet a cheeseburger that he's the kind of guy that once he says it, he'll be standing at that altar waiting for you and he's not going anywhere without you!

Keep posting Melissa! I watched last night and couldn't wait to see what you wrote!

Lynda said...

As always, a delight to read!

Melissa said...

This is crazy killing me. I am out of town and have been missing this stupid, but strangely fascinating show. I'm at camp trying to get right with Jesus, so it's all good. Thanks for the update.

Julie said...

I think those green shorty shorts may have cut off the circulation to his, ahem, banana and melons and that is why is will now always be known as ED ed. Bless his heart! Whoa momma those were some tight shorts!

Now where to find some for the hubs......(just kidding)


Anonymous said...

I am a "senior" who enjoys watching this show. No way DH would ever watch this with me. :) I am a bit in awe of Jillian's (whorey??)behavior with these guys. She really pours it on and is attracting the fellas for all the wrong reasons. One day that will be all gone, and she better make sure she is with her "best friend". I think she missed the boat with Reid as well. He was afraid of commitment I guess. I'll look forward to your blog next week.

Anonymous said...

I think that Reid will end up being the next Bachelor? What do you think?

Ashley said...

Oh, those shorts!!! With that tank top!!! Then... well then... he was TLBTC..... all signs point to NO!!! But she kept him! Over Reid! I can't believe it! I still can't believe it!! Ugh!!!

P.S. Come visit me for some BIG news!!