Jun 2, 2009

How To Have a Wicked No. 3

By Remi Radke.

Here are my tips for having a super awesome three year old birthday. It beats wearing stupid hats and pretending like we're having fun playing outside even though it's 108 degrees in the shade.

You heard it here, folks.

Tip #1: Start your day with a healthy breakfast; it's your choice, after all, it is your day. I chose strawberry pancakes with whipped cream and bacon. Then, after eating 2 1/2 bites, hide under the table and scream "but I'm full." Your mom will get a real kick out of it.

Tip #2: Have your parents get into a varied array of arguments over whether or not they should be spending hundreds of dollars to take a 3 year old to Chattanooga for an entire weekend. Have your dad say things like, "It would cost us less to hire some stupid magician or have pony rides than it will for us to take two kids and four family members to Chattanooga." Have your mom say things like, "I waited nine years for this baby and so help me she WILL see an IMAX movie on her birthday." Have your mom win.

Tip #3: Ask for a Snow White Costume. Wear it everywhere that will embarrass your dad to death. Decide that either you will wear your Snow White dress or you will go naked - his decision. You will find that he will opt for the costume.

Tip #4: Get gifts. Great gifts. Train sets. And dolls. Get the most excited about the bug catcher that cost $6.99.

Tip #5: Only take along people that will spoil you rotten. Here are some of my personal favorites...

Tip #6: See an IMAX. Get really bored in the middle of it and ask your Poppy for some popcorn and a coke. See Poppy run. Sit on Poppy's lap. Spill Coke on Poppy. Take off Poppy's glasses and drop them. Watch Poppy's blood pressure go up.

Tip #7: Whenever you are walking through the aquarium, make sure to get tired. Then give sad eyes to Bubba and he will pick you up and carry you for as long as you need. Works every time.

Tip #8: Throw a temper fit. Just to remind everyone that 3 is really not that old.

Tip #9: Beg your mom to buy you cupcakes from Gigi's. The kind with strawberries inside of them. The kind that are pink. With tiaras. Watch her drive 2 hours with them in the back of her hot car. Then refuse to eat one because you would rather have gum. Watch mommy get so frustrated she eats three right in a row.

Tip #10: On the last day go for a hike with your family. Convince them that taking you up a mountain and through caves is a good idea. Watch mom suggest she stay in the van because "Rocco is tired." Watch how everyone feels about my mom's evil plan to sleep and read a People magazine while I beg people to hold me, cry that I'm scared and loudly proclaim "if you don't take me to tee-tee I will tee-tee in my panties" every 20 feet.

Tip #11: Start now planning for next year. Vegas! Here we come!


Trish said...

Dear Remi,

You are bad, very very bad.
I love you!


Faith(ful) Reader said...

Reading that almost made me tee-tee in my panties...happy birthday, Remi!

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

She's perfect! You can see she's a sweet little stinker with just a glance.

Givinya De Elba said...

Holy Wow. My little girl will be 3 next year.

Please do not speak to her.

Natasha Vaughn, Cake Designer said...

So funny. I have a feeling she is just like her mom.

mommaof4wife2r said...

what a fun day...kinda sorta! i love it though! the cupcakes with tiara's...too much! love them...and they have strawberries in them! no way!

ok, the screaming of pee pee is too much...at least she didn't use an anatomically correct word int he sentence...it could have been worse! sooo much fun...and next year, i wanna be invited!

Lisa said...


Lisa said...

Oh, and I love, love, love the new haircut!! Precious. ;)

katy said...

This is hilarious! Just hilarious! The sad thing is, it only goes downhill from here...my little girl just turned four.
Girls! Drama! Whew!

Carrie said...

Oh, my word! Hilarious! Love the temper-tantrum face, and also Rocco? IS that really Rocco? Because he looks SO OLD!!!! :(

Lynda said...

Sounds like one of the best birthdays EVER! lol

Tricia said...

HYSTERICAL! My youngest is now 5...love it!!

Janis said...

Dear Remi,
My little girl is turning three next month. Thanks for all the ideas about what NOT, I mean, what TO do!

Melinda said...

She is just too cute. Enjoy that "Snow White" princess phase for as long as you can. One day they turn 12 and there just ain't one, sweet princessy thing about 'em. I tell myself that this is a phase also. (Please, Lord, let it be a phase!)


Rebekah said...

Taking notes... my daughter turns 3 in November. At least it'll be too cold to play outside. (fingers crossed)

KellyRose said...

She is so stinkin' cute! And so is that little Rocco of yours. Good to see you yesterday.

Anonymous said...

What til she hits 14!

Thanks for a funny story Remi (and Melissa).



Leah said...

I'm going to go with what Melinda said! My youngest turned 13 today and the drama just over her hair this morning wore me out!!!
But I love it and enjoy it and I know you do to. I think it's just God's way of creating great strength and patience in me ;o)

Soliloquy said...

Fickle little thang you're raising there.

Oh wait, she's three.

Joie said...

hahaha, i love it! just be thankful you didn't have an uninvited, apparently deaf (according to the news article the next day) streaker come entertain your party while everyone was in the backyard. yeah, that was the excitement of my daughter's 5th birthday.

Mama Bear said...

I just found your blog, and I LOVE it! In fact, I love it so much that I am now stalking you (oops! I mean "following"). I look forward to reading more and more of it.

God bless,

Caroline said...

I'm sure I'll find this helpful as I will have a 3 year old party to plan come October. Oh, and did I mention I'll also be 37 weeks pregnant at the time. Yeah. Should be good times.

Angela said...


I think you did an AWESOME job of rocking things on your birthday, girl! Chattanooga is my hometown and you sound like you had an awesome time being queen for a day!

PS tell your Mom if I was going to Ruby Falls I would rather read People too. Just sayin'! LOL