Jun 2, 2009

The Bachelorette: Instability At It's Finest

I like Jillian, I do. I like her hair and the way she says "aboot" instead of about. I like the fact that she's spunky and that she can pull off a denim short set that I wouldn't wear in my worst nightmare. I do not, however, like the fact that she obviously forgot the memory verse that a good dose of Sunday School could have brought her...James 1:8. "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."

Enter: David.

Not since I watched the 48 Hours Mystery about the couple from Long Island who were axed to death in their bedroom have I been so worried that someone was going to die. For those of you who are not watching the Bachelorette let me fill you in on David. He is three things that every girl loves in a man: angry, drunk and expletive laced.

And as Meridith puts it, "The angrier he gets the lazier his right eye gets." Are you in love yet? Yeah, I know. Us either.

I could talk about Juan, the contractor from Texas who the Attorney General said is "one date away from realizing it isn't women he likes."

I could talk about Wes, the country music crooner who apparently wrote an opening line for a country song when he was 12 and has been unable to veer from it ever since. For the love of corn, if I hear him bust out in "They say...they say that love, it don't come eeeeaaazzzzyyy" one more time I am gonna hurl.

I could talk about Kypton, but I'm afraid he'd hear me since HIS EARS ARE HUGE.

But instead I will just talk about the fact that Ed and Robby might be the two cutest bachelors I've ever seen. I love them. And I want her to love them. And then I want her to break one of their hearts. And then I want ABC to ask the loser to come back and be the next Bachelor. And then I want Meridith to go on the show and win that losers heart.

After all, Meridith should be with a big loser.


I loved Ed from the beginning. But I have always had a thing for men who have a touch of "sexy nerd" to them. Has anyone seen the AG? Honestly, the AG wrote the book on Sexy Nerd. Just ask him - he'll tell ya.

And then there's Robby. Who looks like Jimmy Kimmel's little brother. His smile is adorable. And you know what I love most about it? It doesn't come with F-bombs and cheezy country lines.

Your thoughts America?


Shonya said...

You know, I don't watch this show--but you make me want to watch it! :) The problem is, your blogs about shows are ever so much more interesting than the actual shows themselves.

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

I just have never been able to convince myself to watch this stuff. Your funny commentaries almost make me want to start, though. :)

Leslie said...

David seriously made me worry about Jillians safety! Producers! Hello! You would think THEY would kick him off - but hey, it's good TV. I really hope(and looking from next weeks previews) he gets the boot SOON!

Lisa said...

I love, love, love, Ed. He has a kind of Denny Duquette quality to him and Lord knows I LOVED Denny. If Ed doesn't win I seriously think we should hunt him down, introduce him to Mere and watch the sparks fly. Hey, who wouldn't like a little eye candy @ the hoidays. ;)

Cassandra said...

I agree with everything you said! David is just a rejection away from seriously hurting someone! But I can't believe you missed Jake, the pilot! We love him & it doesn't hurt that he is easy on the eyes!!!!!

Ace said...

I can't stomach watching this show (though I CAN stomach it MORE than watching the bachelor and seeing the idiots women make over themselves. There has GOT to be a HUGE money prize that we are not told about...I hope) and I sit through the season just hoping and praying that no one gets married and NO ONE makes children.

Many Blessings :)

Melissa said...

Ditto to everything you just said. I love me some Ed. He is just precious. I was a little disappointed that she sucked face with Kypton. What the heck? Sacha's story was sweet, but something about his features were a little scary. Could you imagine their kids? I think that's what she was really concerned about.

Julie said...

Ditto on Ed! I think that Dave has injected waaay too many steroids and is now having 'roid rage induced withdrawals.

Poor Poor Poor Brad - He gets the bless his heart for the week! I think he is also one date away from realizing he is not interested in dating women as well. He just needs to step out of denial land and accept his gayness. Again, BLESS HIS HEART. Did he really think that kiss made him a "bad a$$". Oh my....

I think the producers have talked Jilly into keeping Dave and creepy foot fetish boy around for a bit longer as they make for some good ratings but I do hope that they have the mansion on lock-down whilest she is sleeping because she might just wake up with someone sucking her toes off or she might not wake up at all.

And well, Sasha sweetie, next time you are about to go out on a date do NOT make yourself some magic mushroom tea before hand. Imjustsayin....

Janis said...

I don't even watch this show but I love your commentary (I guess because now I don't need to watch it-just get the highlights!)

Janis said...

I don't even watch this show but I love your commentary (I guess because now I don't need to watch it-just get the highlights!)

Anonymous said...

listen here missy jane...DON'T EVER MAKE ME LAUGH THAT HARD AT THE LIBRARY AGAIN. i come here each and every day while my son spends his three hours at young 5s (sort of a pre-kindergarten). you are TOO FUNNY! when i watch the bachelorette i keep thinking that if she picks david or the foot guy, when she watches the shows back she will be screaming. oh my. you have it so on. even if she didn't pick one of them, she'll still be screaming. thanks for making me laugh out loud!


votemom said...

well said!

(do you think it's possible there's a david-juan-jillian 2-on-1date tomorrow night??)