The Bachelorette: Esta Telenovela Roca!

Five bucks to the first person who can translate that.

Okay, too easy.

However, fifty bucks to the first person who can translate what the heck Jillian is thinking by choosing Wes; the man that Meridith and I watched in utter disdain this week until Mer finally blurted out, "I don't want to be too dramatic, but I wish someone would just go ahead and shoot me in the face."

Nah, not too dramatic at all.

Kudos to my friend Kasey (who lives in Texas and is one of several reasons that state is looking better and better to me...I'm coming for ya, Kase!) who texted me halfway through the show the reminder that watching The Bachelorette must be akin to watching Mexican soap operas, all the drama, the tears, the running towards men and jumping into their arms, drinking wine in hot tubs, etc., etc.

I mean, seriously folks, between the love I have for The Bachelorette and the love I have for guacamole - it's a wonder I haven't switched nationalities.

So, on with the show...

This week two big things happened.

#1. We found out that not only is Wes a loser, but he is also a loser who has apparently killed all the men in his family and buried them in the backyard so that he can be surrounded by only women who fawn over him and believe his low-down, scum-sucking, rotten, twisted lies.

#2. EDDIE CAME BAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

And now you know why I watch. Because last night, at my food poisonous weakest, as I was curled up on the couch just wishing that someone would put either me or Jillian out of our misery, there was a knock on the door - and it was Ed.

And suddenly everything was right with my world. (With, you know, the exception of the vomiting and diarrhea.)

Did I not tell you all last week that this season was just getting good? When when when are you all gonna start listening to me? (I would just like to say that I also made a prediction that bangs were making a comeback - and they did. And that body waves were making a comeback - and I still stand beside that.)

So stick with me, my lovelies, I can lead you to the highest heights with both your hair and your reality television choices.

And that right there is enough for us to be lifelong friends.