Jul 1, 2009

Unleavened Bread Never Sounded So Good.

Dear Lord,

Over the years I have made many promises to you.

Some I have kept (tithing! I do that!).

Some I have not kept (I would just like to go on record as saying that the reason I haven't kept them has nothing to do with me or my lack of sincerity, but rather our nation's economic downturn and the change in our response to a war on terror.) I am making this stuff up as I go along here.

But Lord, now I have to ask you a favor, and it's a doozie.

PLEASE remove any more sign of this really inconvenient toxic infection from my body. Please! I'm begging ya! Sweet mercy!

There is no possible way - even with all of the (excuse my language, Lord) crap I have eaten lowe these many years - that there is single trace of anything left in my body. Yet, still it seems to find it's way out. Still. Never ceasing. Never failing.

And yes, Lord, the fact that the AG has had to take my two little rugrats to swim lessons every day this week has pleased me immensely (especially when he came home and said, "How do you do that with two of them? One is always trying to get away from you in the locker room!"). And even though I found it almost intoxicating that we received a call for a house showing and I was still laid up in bed and he had to clean the house and get all of us out of it for an hour...without my help...yes, even though something felt "just" about that, I still want it gone.

And it's not because I think I've been a good enough person that I don't deserve the stomach bug.

And it's not because I tithe. I dare not throw that up in your face. Again.

And it's not because of the time Jeff Jenkins and I were riding a roller coaster and we were so terrified that we screamed out "Yes, Lord! We'll go to Africa!" Though I meant it. Sorta. He, however, most assuredly did not.

It's because this weekend is the 4th of July. And though I have never been one for hot weather and fireworks (complete and total waste of money; money that your people could be tithing, Lord, I'mjustsayin') - I would like to say that the 4th of July is supposed to be about grilling burgers and watermelon. And considering I've only partaken of saltine crackers for 6 days, the thought of burgers makes me want to once again promise you my willingness to head off to Africa and preach the good news.

Please, Lord. Please.

Oh, and also I just went to my girl, Homesick Texan, and saw her 4th of July menu and her write-up on guacamole...and seriously, Lord...give me a break. A reprieve, if you will.

I'm raw.
I'm weak.
I'm hungry.

It's in your name I pray. Amen.


Sissy said...

Oh Melissa, I am so sorry that you are sick. It hasn't affected your sense of humor one bit, though! I pray that you are up and about and well enough to celebrate July 4th with burgers and guacamole. Yum.

We are driving to NYC this weekend, and I so thought about stopping in Philadelphia and googling "Reid Realtor, Philadelphia" to see if I could spot him. I know, it's sad, but kind of funny.

Ok, feel better. Love you.

Angela said...

Oh honey, I am SO sorry you are so sick. That's awful! I will keep you in my prayers. I am actually going in to rewrite my prayer list in just a few and will put you at the top. Hope you can report serious improvement in time for those burgers and watermelon! I am trying to plan my menu except that I can't get a half a second without a zillion things going on either at work or home. maybe tomorrow, LOL!

Anna See said...

Oh dear, this is shear misery. You probably don't have a thing left in you. Hope today is better.

IRW Dana said...

Oh Melissa, I do feel your pain. My husband and I had the "pleasure" of eating in one of the finest restaurants in New Orleans and finding we couldn't even get back to our very expensive hotel room before the effects of food poisoning started ravaging our bodies. The poor room service guy got to the point that when we opened the door he would slide the tray of crackers and 7 up in on the floor and NEVER EVER set foot in our room. We weren't leapers for petes sake! We were just weak from tossing our cookies every 30 minutes (have you tried sharing one bathroom, when both of you are puking from the bottom of your toes?????) Now those are some memories that just don't die.

Me said...

I have a solution: Good Belly drinks from Publix. It's 2.7oz of probiotics in a concentrated fruit juice (it's not dairy at all). It tastes good, especially the peach/mango. It will get all the crud out of your gut and leave it with the good stuff.

Just a thought. They're in the yogurt section next to the Activia.