May 22, 2009

E.R....Chicago Hope....General Hospital....Grey's Anatomy....

Doesn't matter the show, the scene is the same.


The paddles.


There's always the scene with the paddles.


The victim lies outstretched on the stretcher. Doctors, nurses, technicians flock them on both sides. Orders are called out. People react. And everything happens so quickly. The doctor grabs the paddles and suddenly we hear...


"CLEAR!"


Nothing.


"CLEAR!"


Still. Nothing.


"We're losing her."

"Try one more time. Just once more."


"CLEAR!"


And suddenly...beep...beep...beep...beep.


And life begins again.


It was this scene I thought of last night as I lay in bed running my fingers through the hair of the beautiful little girl beside me. It's the night before her birthday and her 24 hour celebration begins with a "slumber party" between mom and dad in "mama's big bed." And because I am a sucker for the smell of Johnson and Johnson Bedtime Bath I readily give in to her request; after all, little does she know I love her laying beside me twice as much as she does (though let's be honest, I dare not tell her for fear it will render her completely unable to indulge me any longer.) And I pet her hair and I scratch her back and when I'm sure I hear her snoring I lean in and steal one million kisses. And I think of the scene. The paddles.


When Remi entered my world on this day, three years ago, I was that patient. There was no life left in my heart. None. My heart had stopped beating months before. Saying "goodbye" to one child rarely opens up your heart to say "hello" to another, it just shuts it down more. That's just the way the heart works. Sometimes when it hurts so badly for so long, it just stops altogether. That's the heart for ya.


Nothing.


Still. Nothing.


But suddenly...beep...beep...beep...beep.


Today in the car I told Remi the story of her birth and I told it in all of it's fairy tale splendor. As with any child, the stories you tell Remi must be filled with four things: tears, laughter, a princess and Scooby-Doo. So I obliged. And I told the story of the sad girl, who could only cry, until an angel came to her door one day and said, "Sweetie, don't cry anymore. I have a baby for you. I am going to take you to this baby who will dry your tears and make you laugh again." And as I recited the story, that my heart has told a thousand times before, she listened to every last stutter and breath. She clung to every word.


So I made every word come to life.


If she did it for me, it's the least I can do for her.


Happy Birthday, Remi Hope.


Love,

Mama



P.S.

God is sweet. All the time.

All the time. God is sweet.

19 comments:

Trish said...

Wow, I am speechless. That is beautiful.

Happy birthday sweet Remi, thank you for bringing life to your momma and daddy again.

Teri from Indiana said...

Happy Birthday Remi and Happy Opening Your Heart To A Lifetime of Love Day Melissa.

Faith(ful) Reader said...

Great post (as usual) even though it didn't make me laugh (not as usual.) And the PS is the best. Happy Birthday Remi--happy Memorial Day everybody!

ugagirl30 said...

Awww.....what a wonderful end to such a horrific suffering. God knew what He had planned for you and for your precious babies who needed you as much as you needed them.

Happy Birthday, Remi!

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

Happy birthday, Remi!!

And Melissa, happy anniversary of becoming a mommy :)

Yes, God is amazingly sweet.

Sissy said...

Right now, I only know that heartbroken, lifeless place. This gives me hope that there is more out there. Thanks, Melissa.

Melinda said...

I want to cry ...That is so beautiful and only as a mother could tell it.

I did not lose a child, and I can't imagine the pain. But in some way, I can relate. When my son was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis nine years ago, I thought my heart had stopped. But with each milestone reached and as his personality developed and God's faithfulness was revealed, through the good and bad, my heart began to heal as well. Today, that sweet, funny little boy has my heart beating like crazy.

Enjoy every precious moment ... She's lucky to have you for a mommy.

Melinda
www.parentingconfessions.com

MBush said...

God is good! What a special day for you as Mommy and Remi. She is so loved by God that she was sent to a Mommy who knew just how to love her! Thanks for sharing today!

Happy Happy Birthday Remi!

Sue said...

This is the most BEAUTIFUL post...truly from your heart. Most of your stories make me laugh but there are tears today. Happy Birthday, REMI!!!!!

Lynda said...

Beautiful, beautiful!

Candice said...

Happy birthday sweet Remi Hope!!

Christi said...

Happy Birthday, Remi!

mm said...

Remi Hope. What a beautiful name...

Melissa, I have only recently come across your blog... and oh how it touches my heart and my soul.

I rejoice with you today - for today is also my daughter's birthday! I wrote a post about her as well... I am so glad that the Father has given us sons and daughters. What a gift...

Happy Birthday Remi and Danielle. We celebrate you!

Have a glorius day...

Marsha
www.sparrowwatch.wordpress.com

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday sweet Remi!!

What a beautiful story Melissa - I'm in tears now. :)

Anna See said...

Happy Birthday, Remi!

What a beautiful post.

mommaof4wife2r said...

all the time, God is sweet...and good.

happy bday remi! i love those stories...very reminiscent of my stories for my girlies...all so different, but all such great gifts in different ways, from different places, but all great gifts from God.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

You know... it's too bad you're such a bad writer... cause I read your stuff and ya know... nothing... no feeling... no emotion.



Oh... did you know it's opposite day????

Lana said...

Hi Melissa,
First of all, happy birthday to Remi!
You may or may not remember me. I was really good friends with Jamie and Aimee in junior high/high school and went to your youth group.
I have been reading through your blog and love it. The perfect combination of humor and honesty.
I haven't lost a child but I am losing a child. I have an almost three year old with Tay Sachs disease. Her life expectancy is 3-4 years so we know we don't have a long time with sweet Carmen.
Anyway, I am happy to have found you!

Aja Jenise said...

AWWHH! Sorry I missed it...

A Happy BELATED to Remi...

And a Happy Rebirth-day to YOU!!

... beep beep, beep beep...