Feb 16, 2009

Weekend Recap: Roof! Eeee! Ohhh!

I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I were a drinker. Thank heavens I'm not, because I don't remember a single thing that happened from Thursday night until about Saturday morning around 8:45AM.

What happened to my Friday?

I honestly do not know.

I asked the AG, "what did I do on Friday?" and he said, "Uhhhh...I don't know. What did you do on Friday?" For the life of me I don't recall.

Which makes me think there is a good chance someone slipped a Roofie in my drink. Because as you know, there is a deep seeded desire in the heart of every male to drug a middle aged mother with two kids while she guzzles a Slurpee from the local Sonic. And I'm startin' to think that's what happened.

Maybe the reason I don't remember almost 30 hours out of my life is because this week I won the award for "Biggest Suck Face Mother On the Planet". Yep, it's an award. Look it up. And this week it was given to me when Remi began complaining to me last SUNDAY night that her arm was hurting.

SUNDAY night.

Believing that she was trying to edge out Kate Winslet for performance of the year I took her to her KinderMusik class on Monday thinking she would forget it was hurting and join in the fun. She didn't.
She didn't forget.
She didn't join in the fun.
Instead she twirled and sang and danced with big tears in her eyes all the while holding her right arm.

That was MONDAY.

But because I am the Biggest Suck Face Mother On the Planet I proceeded to take her to preschool on Tuesday, again thinking that being in the presence of her friends might do the trick. But when they called and said she was tackling other kids on the playground with one arm - I knew the girl had made her point. She was hurting.

TUESDAY. Hello? Someone call the authorities.

I crawled into the Orthopaedic office on my belly feeling for sure they would arrest me for child abuse or child endangerment or child neglect or child insensitivity or child procrastination, etc. And sure enough she had NurseMaid's Elbow. Yep, it's real. Look it up. After the doctor popped her elbow into place, and she screamed like it was naptime, I slunk back out to the car feeling like the worst mom on the planet. Which I am.

The AG said, "Don't you think you should quit beating yourself up and pay some attention to her?"

To which I replied, "You're absolutely right. Let's take her to Chik-fil-A. I need some nuggets."

Hey - if I'm getting the Bad Momma award at least I should receive it on a full stomach.

* Side note: This story completely reminds me of the "season" I went through when I was about 7 years old, and considering it was the 80's pay-phones were almost everywhere you went, and my mom says that no matter where I went and no matter who was standing around I would pick up the pay-phone and say, "1-800 Child abuse hotline? I need you to come pick me up." Which apparently was the tag line from some public service announcements that were being aired at the time. And she says the people would always look on with both amusement and concern. To which she would pull me away from the phone by my arm and say things like, "I'm fixing to give you something to call about." So I'm thinking they should have looked on with a tad more concern. That's all.

But then Wednesday, Thursday and Friday came along and I pretty much remember nada about those. The first memory I have is of Valentine's morning and the AG waking me up with hot chocolate and sweet gifts. Actually, there was no gift. Just a picture of a gift that he ordered for me but hasn't come in yet. (Which I cannot tell you all about - don't even ask - for the day I receive them I will be blogging about them with great joy that cannot be told. Wait for it! Itsa comin'!!)

The rest of Valentines day was spent cleaning house so the sitter could come and not think we were white trash.
Then we went on a date.
And came back home.
And made sure the kids were tucked in soundly.
Thanked the sitter.
Locked the front door.
Shut our bedroom door.
And...

The End.

Hope all you bad momma's had a good one as well.

14 comments:

Teri from Indiana said...

Move over because I'm a winner of the award too. Only mine is a 5 year old boy, who is constantly in tears about something. He wakes up crying, cries all day long over NOTHING and then cries when he goes to bed. I have 4 daughters and let me tell you, Cam-Man can out-cry-out-whine-out-complain any of 'em.
Thursday morning I walked out of the bathroom to hear him upstairs in his room crying and kinda choking. I asked, okay, I yelled up at him & told him to hush. We were not going to start the day this way again. He came down, pale, gasping fo breath, which I immediately wrote off as his hyperventilating again. I was wrong. He had an asthma attack. His first one. Oh btw, McDonald's earns you a whole lot of forgiveness. Until Daddy gets home.....

ugagirl30 said...

Baby K has suffered from nursemaid's elbow. Once it happens once, it will happen over and over. I did the same thing...I didn't rush her to the doctor because she is a drama queen. But when she woke up the next morning and had not moved it during the night (it was still nicely tucked against her stomach), I took her on to the doctor. Now you know that it will happen again. And I felt like a horrible mother for letting her suffer in the name of acting.

monica said...

my daughter had nursemaids - and ugagirl's right - it's just gonna happen again and again. we quickly learned to pop that baby back in place. that way we could get right back to whatever we were doin'...

Desha said...

Evalyn had her first nursmaid's elbow at the age of 2 and half. She then got one any time her arm was pulled, at ALL, like even putting on her jammies.She had it twice in two weeks. I was sure Child and Family services would show up to my door any day. The ER doctor taught me how to pop it back into place, but I was so horrified I was sure I could never do it. Two visits and $200 copay later, we learned how to do it ourselves! Thankfully, she has grown out of it. That is scary stuff!

Carrie said...

Oh, my goodness, that is so sad! I know I would feel terrible! I'm always so afraid I'll miss something like that or an ear infection or something. :( Glad you got it figured out, though!

Jessica said...

My parents accidentally dislocated my shoulder when I was about Remi's age. I was a very headstrong girl and we were out in a store, I wanted to go one way and they wanted to go another... They took my arm and I ran the other way and...! They thought I was just being a drama queen until late that evening when I couldn't lift my arm over my head to put my nightie on!

So, don't worry about it! It happens, and I turned out fine! :P

Anonymous said...

Don’t beat yourself up too bad. My girlfriend, who is a physician, got a call from her Drama Queen 9 year old that her arm hurt. “Take some Tylenol and put ice on it. I’ll check it when I get home from work.” Long story short, the next day revealed the arm was broken. But with a Drama Queen, who can tell. It was the same emotions as when she had a hang nail. As a Mother of boys – just wait, the fun is yet to come!

Keesler Chaos said...

We've also done the ER trip for nursemaids elbow. After a threatened spank, after bribery, and scolding, and..... Lucky us, they x-rayed it before they popped it, because he'd broken his elbow!

Mommy guilt that I still carry 10 years later!

Melissa said...

I now have more incentive than ever to start a blog called the "Bad mommies blog". My bff and I talked about it shortly after Christmas and we actually made a page and everything. Nothing ever came of it. Since then I have heard story after story from other mommies who are just as "bad" as us.

When Lauren was a few weeks old I, too, gave her nursemaid's elbow. I knew it right away because I was trying to help her support her head by pulling her up by her arms. Needless to say, I felt horrible. It's never happened again, but I was convinced that she wouldn't leave the hospital with us because the authorities would find me unfit to be her mother.

Rhonda said...

I let my daughter go for FOUR days with a buckle fracture to her forearm! There was no bruising, no swelling, etc. I felt SO bad when my sister finally talked me into taking her to the ortho and the thing was broken!! I thought for sure I was going to jail but the dr said it was common for this to happen. Lucky for me!! My daughter had to wear a cast for 3 months. See - there are definitely worse mothers...like me!!

Julie said...

That happened to Mary Austin. Jane was like 3 months old and I was holding her and trying to get Mary Austin to stand up and I pulled her up by her arm. She screamed and I just knew I had given her a spiral fracture (which is almost always a sign of abuse). As I was running out the door with Mae, my dear sweet hubs says "you have got to be more gentle with her. I mean you have really hurt her." He also kicked me on the way out (not really). So when it happened again and he was the nursemaider I calmly told him how to get in touch with the MD as I walked out the door to a wedding shower - leaving him, a crying 2 year old and a 5 month old all to himself! Pay back is HELL!!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Dang, now I have to give you my Biggest Suck Face Mother Tiara. I was really enjoying it.
I love Chik-Fil-A and I love your mother. She is my kinda gal!

Tracy P. said...

Yeah, my kid's arm was broken for three days before I took him in. Both bones. Normal stuff here.

Anonymous said...

You definately aren't alone. My son broke his wrist playing football at a friend's house. The friend's mother called to tell me she was pretty certain it was broken and wanted to know what I wanted her to do. I calmly told her to give him some advil and I would take him to the ER the next day because there was no way I was sitting half the night in the ER on a Saturday night with all the 'bar brawlers' for a 'sprain'. Next day...ER..you guess it, it is broken and I should have gone on Saturday night because the Sunday morning crowd all had the flu and yeah...I got that as a bonus.