Here's The Part Where I Cry.

I knew I was eventually going to have to write this post. But I also knew that if I wrote it then that made it all the more real. If I wrote it then the chances I could "back out" were terribly slim. If I wrote it then I would have to follow through. And I have never been good with the "follow through."

Fourteen years ago - FOURTEEN! - the Attorney General and I decided to step out into the unknown. We had been married all of ten months when we decided that we should pick up our lives and move to Nashville. We packed up everything we had in one of those super small U-haul trailers, put my cat in the backseat of my car, and headed to Nashville. I cried the whole way here. (Some months later I pulled out the jeans that I had worn on the day of our big move, in the pockets were wads of used Kleenex. That's how hard I cried.)

We have never, for one minute of one day of one year, regretted our decision to be here.

It was God's will at its best. Which isn't to say that living under the covering of God's will isn't always the best, cuz it is, but sometimes His will feels a lot better than other times. And that's how the decision to move to another state with a man I barely knew and a family I dearly missed felt. It just felt right. It felt good. I will never regret doing it.

Except for right now.

I kind of regret it right now.

Because as I am writing this post I am regretting that I ever moved here and fell in love with Tennessee. I am regretting that I found a church that drew me in, loved me, forced me to grow and encouraged me to serve. I am regretting that I found friends that felt like family. Because to have none of those things would mean that leaving them would be easy.

But I am finding leaving to be terrible, terribly hard. Yet leaving is exactly what God is now asking us to do.

But again...it is the will of God for our lives. For mine. And the AG's. For Remi and for Rocco. And I wouldn't remove myself from under it's protection and covering for all the money in the world.

Not ever. Not even on Saturday when we met with our Real Estate Agent and prepared to put the house - that we built from the ground up - on the market.

Not ever. Not even on Friday when I sat down with two of the most important men in my life, two of my pastors, and told them we were leaving.

Not ever. Not on Sunday night when we announced it to our Sunday School class and their first question was, "Can we still have game night at your house next month?" Which just blessed me - they have no idea.

Not ever. Even when I sat down with Meridith and Brandon and had to tell them. And knowing that leaving Meridith might be one of the hardest things I'll have to do.

But if you've ever walked a moment in the shadow of God's goodness then you know to remove yourself from under it is a silly, silly thing, indeed.

And so the AG and I will be packing it all back up - bigger U-Haul this time - bigger cat, too - and heading back to Texas. For a job that excites my husband in a way I haven't seen in a very long time. To the town I grew up in. To live around the family that I've always wanted my kids to grow up around.

And yet I will feel like a stranger there.

Because this is my home. It has been for some time now.

And leaving home is always hard. Almost as hard as going home.

Would you pray for us? Would you pray that our home sells and that God continues to provide? Would you pray that the adjustment is easy - especially for Remi who is madly in love with one Tobey Jones? And would you pray that we find as many friends there as we did here?

And one more thing...would you pray specifically for this? About twelve miles from my house here in TN is a beautiful cemetery that holds the memory of our son. The thought of moving 700 miles away from it makes me physically sick. I cannot imagine how I will feel the day I drive away as I can barely stand to think of it over 10 seconds at a time now. I could use some special comfort in this area. God is good, I know this.

I am excited about what the future holds for me and my family. I am excited to return to the Great State of Texas...I've always been a Texan. I'm excited about the prospect of real Mexican food and Barbecue. And I'm excited that my blog will only get more and more colorful with my family living right down the road.

But I'm even more excited about the fact that saying "yes" to God, when He asks something of us, means that He is pleased by our obedience and just might find us faithful.

And thankfully, He never frowns on a pocketful of Kleenex.