Feb 17, 2009

Here's The Part Where I Cry.

I knew I was eventually going to have to write this post. But I also knew that if I wrote it then that made it all the more real. If I wrote it then the chances I could "back out" were terribly slim. If I wrote it then I would have to follow through. And I have never been good with the "follow through."

Fourteen years ago - FOURTEEN! - the Attorney General and I decided to step out into the unknown. We had been married all of ten months when we decided that we should pick up our lives and move to Nashville. We packed up everything we had in one of those super small U-haul trailers, put my cat in the backseat of my car, and headed to Nashville. I cried the whole way here. (Some months later I pulled out the jeans that I had worn on the day of our big move, in the pockets were wads of used Kleenex. That's how hard I cried.)

We have never, for one minute of one day of one year, regretted our decision to be here.

It was God's will at its best. Which isn't to say that living under the covering of God's will isn't always the best, cuz it is, but sometimes His will feels a lot better than other times. And that's how the decision to move to another state with a man I barely knew and a family I dearly missed felt. It just felt right. It felt good. I will never regret doing it.

Except for right now.

I kind of regret it right now.

Because as I am writing this post I am regretting that I ever moved here and fell in love with Tennessee. I am regretting that I found a church that drew me in, loved me, forced me to grow and encouraged me to serve. I am regretting that I found friends that felt like family. Because to have none of those things would mean that leaving them would be easy.

But I am finding leaving to be terrible, terribly hard. Yet leaving is exactly what God is now asking us to do.


But again...it is the will of God for our lives. For mine. And the AG's. For Remi and for Rocco. And I wouldn't remove myself from under it's protection and covering for all the money in the world.

Not ever. Not even on Saturday when we met with our Real Estate Agent and prepared to put the house - that we built from the ground up - on the market.

Not ever. Not even on Friday when I sat down with two of the most important men in my life, two of my pastors, and told them we were leaving.

Not ever. Not on Sunday night when we announced it to our Sunday School class and their first question was, "Can we still have game night at your house next month?" Which just blessed me - they have no idea.

Not ever. Even when I sat down with Meridith and Brandon and had to tell them. And knowing that leaving Meridith might be one of the hardest things I'll have to do.

But if you've ever walked a moment in the shadow of God's goodness then you know to remove yourself from under it is a silly, silly thing, indeed.

And so the AG and I will be packing it all back up - bigger U-Haul this time - bigger cat, too - and heading back to Texas. For a job that excites my husband in a way I haven't seen in a very long time. To the town I grew up in. To live around the family that I've always wanted my kids to grow up around.

And yet I will feel like a stranger there.

Because this is my home. It has been for some time now.

And leaving home is always hard. Almost as hard as going home.

Would you pray for us? Would you pray that our home sells and that God continues to provide? Would you pray that the adjustment is easy - especially for Remi who is madly in love with one Tobey Jones? And would you pray that we find as many friends there as we did here?

And one more thing...would you pray specifically for this? About twelve miles from my house here in TN is a beautiful cemetery that holds the memory of our son. The thought of moving 700 miles away from it makes me physically sick. I cannot imagine how I will feel the day I drive away as I can barely stand to think of it over 10 seconds at a time now. I could use some special comfort in this area. God is good, I know this.

I am excited about what the future holds for me and my family. I am excited to return to the Great State of Texas...I've always been a Texan. I'm excited about the prospect of real Mexican food and Barbecue. And I'm excited that my blog will only get more and more colorful with my family living right down the road.

But I'm even more excited about the fact that saying "yes" to God, when He asks something of us, means that He is pleased by our obedience and just might find us faithful.

And thankfully, He never frowns on a pocketful of Kleenex.

36 comments:

Givinya De Elba said...

Wow. You and me both, moving back to our hometowns in tears, for ministry jobs, hopeful for the future. I will pray for you if you pray for me.

Faith(ful) Reader said...

As long as you continue to blog then you and the family have my permission to relocate...will you still pull for the Titans or are you going to become Cowboys fans?

Jenn said...

Everything's bigger in Texas...even God! ;)

I'm praying for you!

This Little Hen said...

I will pray that your transition is easy, that the journey hope is smooth, and that special angels are sent to watch over TN and your precious son.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Melissa, my dear sweet Melissa.... I will pray!!!!!!!!! I will also miss you terribly!!! (Especially when I need to hear you belt out a fabulous solo!) One, I am not sure how the congregation of TSC is going to react to this, and more than that, I am fearful to walk through those doors and be emotional on your behalf when they think you are back, with just a touch less red-tint in the hair....
I pray that God's will flourish over the lives of you and your family. I pray that His hand always be at work and that His hand protects you on the days you wonder "why" and "how". I pray that even in the tiniest of things you will see that it is HIS glory. I pray that this is the job that will not only excite the AG, but excite the kingdom of heaven.
Cast all your cares on the Lord, and we will provide the Kleenex!
Love and prayers - and I can't wait to see the blessings,
jennifer kitchens

Nicole @ Four Real said...

Holy Cow! I was totally not expecting that! I'll tell you what, I think there is going to be alot of us in that position. Where does God really want us? I will be praying for you and your family during this transition. We will miss you but thank God for our blogs right? :) Then I can still give you all of my mother wisdom that I ooze with everyday! HA HA HA! Now that is the funniest thing I have EVER SAID! :) BLESSINGS GIRL!

Cheryl said...

You are definately in my thoughts and prayers. I, too, moved away (across the country) from home after I got married and then moved back with my kids after 15 years. It is an odd feeling, but it is amazing how many people remember you after so long....lol. Then they tell your kids stories about you when you were young...good times...lol.

Teresa said...

What? I don't even know what to say. Like Nicole, I wasn't expecting this. We will certainly miss you. And I can't imagine the mixed emotions you're dealing with. But more than anything, I understand how hard it will be to drive away from Elisha. I can't even imagine and thinking of it makes me hurt for you. But, we both know that's not really where he is and ultimately we'll all end up in the same city. So, take a little comfort in that and know we're praying for you.

Tabi said...

Wow!! I get to secretly say how cool it is that your going to be in my neck of the world but Wow...what a change for you and your family! I will keep you in my prayers, my heart really aches for everything you will have to leave behind.

Janis said...

That's a big announcement and I know you are sincere when you reveal your trust in the Lord-great testimony. There's peace in being in His will, but that doesn't mean we can't grieve what we will miss. You will be in my prayers and I'm just glad you are still just a click away from me! A tad of selfishness here, but I hope this doesn't interrupt your regularly scheduled posts!! :-)

Paige's Petals said...

Melissa, I cry with you as I read this post this morning. Being from Texas, I welcome you with open arms. I promise to pray for you and yours and your transition. Although we have never met, I feel I truly know you and hope someday to meet you personally!

Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm not sure what to say except.... What am I going to do without my sweet Remi and Rocco? Yes, I do believe they are BOTH the sweetest things, no matter what! And I'm going to miss seeing you and David so much. But this is what is right for your family and your family at TSC will support you every step of the way, even if we have tears in our eyes while we do it! Love you!!

Terezia

Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm not sure what to say except.... What am I going to do without my sweet Remi and Rocco? Yes, I do believe they are BOTH the sweetest things, no matter what! And I'm going to miss seeing you and David so much. But this is what is right for your family and your family at TSC will support you every step of the way, even if we have tears in our eyes while we do it! Love you!!

Terezia

Karol said...

He will be with through it all. It's going to be hard, but He will be there. I pray everything goes smoothly for you and your family.

Rhonda said...

Oh wow. I have been wanting to do something like this forever, but I'm pretty much stuck here now. So I'm trying my best to just suck it up.

So, while you're moving on to a new adventure, remember how desperately I wish it were me. And just think of how much better your big sexy hair is going to fit in back in Texas!!

Leighann said...

Wow! I was doing good until I got the part about Elisha. That was the part that the tears started to flow. But you are so right that saying yes to God is absolutely the best thing we can do even if it's painful or uncomfortable. You will be in my prayers. Oh, and I can't wait for all the posts about trying to keep the house clean with two little ones. Been there, done that!

Leighann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynda said...

I can feel how hard this is for you. Thankfully, God has chosen the best place on earth for you to be - home... in Texas. My prayers are with each of you.

Leah said...

You are in my prayers during this transition but TEXAS is rejoicing that you will be gracing us with your presence here!!!

Meredith said...

Praying for you and your family in your upcoming travels. And praying that I run into you in Texas on a hairspray aisle somewhere! :) God is Good!

Melissa said...

Wow. I'm so excited for you. You are embarking on a new chapter in your life book. It's going to a faith walk and God is so good. If you're seeking His will you will find it. That's my motto in life.

Love you and I will pray for you.

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

I will pray for you and your family. It is great to see that you are following God's will....and he will ALWAYS provide. Always.

Carrie said...

Oh, wow, that will be difficult. Every time we move, I think, "I'll never find another church/library/group of friends/etc. that I like as much as this one...but yet God always provides. And He will for you, too. As far as being away from your son's grave...oh, that would be so hard. But I'm glad you're following His will even when it's hard.

Aja Jenise said...

I pray you will be healed in what has torn your heart, by the strength that is yet unknown for you to receive.

((((HUGS))) Aja

Blissful Nikki said...

I will be praying for your move back here to the big TX! I will be praying for strength, provision, and security in knowing that you have family wherever you go that love you and your family and will welcome you in at any time!

katy said...

I am praying for you that you will be comforted in all areas pertaining to this move. God is good...He's got it all under control, my dear...Very best wishes and big hugs!

Pamela Johnson said...

Awww, friend, I will TRULY miss you!

Erin said...

It just won't be the same without y'all. And KOTK without Remi? It'll be incomplete.
Y'all are going to be local celebrities in Texas!

Apryll said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

ugagirl30 said...

Oh my goodness...girl, you know how to make me cry. You know all the right things to say to make me cry. Whether it is tears of joy or tears of sadness, I can always count on you for a good cry.

I will certainly be praying for you and your family.

Amy said...

I will be praying for your family thru the move. Good thing we like big hair down here in Texas. :)

Maria Schatz said...

Oh Melissa! Your family will be in my prayers. We haven't met before, tho' I did see you in Home Depot a couple of Saturdays ago and just stared so star-struck, even more than when I saw Dolly Parton a few years ago! I so wanted to come up and say something to you, even a "I love your blog - it blesses me" but I just didn't want to interrupt your family outing. I moved to TN from TX 14 years ago, all by myself, not knowing more than 2 people in the state. I know that it was God's will and He has been and will continue to be faithful! He will see you through every step, laugh, tear, and yes, Kleenex! Keep blogging and I cannot wait to see just how colorful it gets! Blessings to you!
~Maria

Wep said...

You poor dear! That's exciting to be moving, but lots of sadness too. I'll pray extra hard!

Crazy Life of the McNeill's said...

Wow, I was so not expecting you guys to move. Bunco won't be the same if your not there. You truly will be missed. I'll be praying for you, David, Remi and Rocco during this transition. Love you, girl!!

Angela said...

I am so sorry you will be leaving TN, but I believe you are absolutely right to trust God's leading. You know He will never steer you wrong. Sometimes it's hard for us to see the path clearly, but thankfully He knows where He's taking us at all times!

We will miss knowing you are here in the southeast, but I am excited at the new opportunities for ya!

Angela said...

PS and yes, of COURSE we will pray! Hugs to you!