Good Will Shopping.

Okay, this post started out as a personal plea for your help. It has since turned in to something different.

I was cleaning out our closet yesterday per the request of our Real Estate Agent who uttered on more than once occasion "floor space, floor space, they like to see floor space." And let's be honest, any one who comes to take a look at our house and peers into our closet will immediately lose both their interest and their lunch. And let's hope they've got good aim because when you open the door you have to stand there and just throw whatever it is you have in your hand and hope you hit the mark. Oftentimes I miss. Sooooo not the point.

Anyway, as I was cleaning out the closet I came across three things that have throughout these years become a thorn in my cellulite.

Here they are...

Here are three pairs of shoes that my husband refuses to part with.

In the far left corner we have a pair of 1982 Nike's. They are ugly. They are old. And they smell. But apparently the man had the winning free throw in them, won the All-state track and field competition or did his first break dance routine while wearing them, I'm not sure which. He won't tell me why I can't throw them out - he just tells me I can't. So when I look at them and how hideous they are I just close my eyes and imagine him doing something wonderful and life affirming in them. Otherwise I cry.

Then in the 1 o'clock position we have another pair of tennis shoes, Reebok this time. And as Meridith said (our local sports enthusiast she is), "Reebok still exists?" Why yes, Meridith, they do. But they only exist in this color and design in the costume department of "That 70's Show" or on the set of "Napoleon Dynamite." Not in my closet! Of course Brandon says they would be ultra cool if they came with those little pump-ups like they had in the 80's. Here's hoping!

And then lastly we have the pair of sandals that legendary actor Brian Deacon wore in the 1979 movie, "Jesus." Or maybe we bought them at Target 12 years ago I can't remember which. But the point is he NEVER wears them and yet will not let me get rid of them. Why? Meridith thinks it's because he is hoping beyond hope to get asked to play Barabus in the next Easter production.

After I told him that I would be posting something special about him and his little friends on my blog today he made Meridith go to my side of the closet and pull out two of his personal favorites.

But before you laugh

I would just like to say this:

1. Every time I ever wore these I twisted my ankle almost to the point of no-return. That right there should have been my cosmic sign.

2. The Aqua blue pair can currently be purchased in your local Avon book, I do believe. So don't be jealous and don't rush the stage, my lovelies. You, too, can own a pair for close to $12.99. Beauty...delivered to your door.

3. Look closely at the tag on the gold pair. You can pick up a pair of these beauties at Ross for $14. I kid you not.

They're ugly, I know that, I'll admit it. Which is why they - and the AG's shoes (ssshh! he's out of town - don't tell him) - are currently at the bottom of a black trash bag heading to my local Good Will. Because if I can't use them there has to be some 6 year old longing to dress up like a drag queen. Or an apostle.