Jan 22, 2009

Juanita Returns: Is There Any Such Thing As "A Little" Celine Dion?

Well, she's back. Juanita makes another appearance on the Stretch Marks blog because she is a sweet friend and I enjoy nothing more than exploiting all sweet friends on the internet. That's just how I roll. So sit back with me, if you will, and delight in Juanita. And please know that Juanita KNOWS she is being exploited and would probably be offended if she wasn't being showcased on here from time to time. So just know I'm not poking the proverbial bear, okay? She knows it. And LOVES it.

Oh, and I posted her words because sometimes when she leaves messages she is hard to understand. I once told her that if I was going to post her messages on my blog she will need to speak clearer, louder and more precise. She has spoken like an English translator ever since.

Sit back and enjoy. Get a good laugh at Juanita's expense, we always do, and feel free to leave me a comment letting me know that you also think I should go on American Idol so that the Holy Ghost can flow through me...cause I'm sure that's exactly what they're looking for.

Bonsoi Attorney General!
I was over in Paris recently, learned that "bonsoi" meant goodnight.
But it's not the same as when you say "night-night" to your children.
It just means the sun has gone down and you're saying "have a good evening."
Bonsoi, Attorney General!
I know you like that name, Mr. Radke.
I was calling to let you know - of course you know who this is, it's none other than Juanita Louwayne - I had watched the American Idol tonight.
There something about that show that draw me in.
I believe it could be a demon, but it's a good demon,
cause I don't feel like I'm hurtin' nobody, you know what I'm sayin'?
This is the second night, a very interesting night, but I ___ ___ these contestants.
Some of 'em a little dramatic for me.
Some of 'em remind me of my niece - still live up in Brooklyn.
Just too much for everybody.
But I was watching this program and I was thinking of the lovely Melissa Lee.
That would be your bride.
That would be your better half...probably on some days - some days not.
But I was thinking my girl need to be on that show.
They need to raise the age limit to at least 30 - cause you know Melissa probably 30.
But my girl is Holy and Anointed.
She need to be on the show so the world can see the Holy Ghost through her.
She can sing.
Anything the girl going to sing gonna be anointed.
You know what I'm sayin'?
If it's a little R-E-S-P-E-E-C-T or a little Anita Baker or a little Celine Dion.
So I do believe she need to be on the show.
Just gonna encourage you.
I know you a powerful man, maybe you could do something for your wife.
And Juanita's going to give endorsements, okay?
Take care and have a good evening.
Now listen, take my words to heart...Attorney...General.
Bye, bye.


Candice said...

Love that woman!

Trish said...


Tricia would probably give some endorsements too, for what it's worth.

She is hilarious! I want a Juanita, pleeeeeeze!!!

Lori said...

I have not heard of Juanita until now, but now I am hooked!
And I saw Ms. Celine last week at the Sommet Center. The answer is, "No, there is no such thing as a little Celine Dion."!

Susie Harris said...

Ok now Im laughing my fanny off. Is that ok that Im laughing... cause he or she is really funny!!!

Anonymous said...

Juanita or Juanito? Either way, that's funny right there, I don't care who you are. How kind of you to share your friend with the rest of us in the blogosphere:)

Leighann said...

The words you are missing are 'but i'm watching all these contestants" Don't ask me how I understood that, but I did! That Juanita is a nice girl. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, my. Gotta love ya some Juanita Louwayne. Now, that's fabulosity!