You Haven't Lived Until You've Had Tarzan Wake You Up.

You all are about to see a side of me the outside world rarely gets to see.

Vulnerability.

Oh sure, the AG sees it. All the time. I cry and mope. I scream and become hysterical. But when I walk out that door, I put on a straight face, make sure every hair is in place and my make-up is top notch. You will never see me sweat.

Oh, Lordy, I'm laughing at that already.

What a load of hock! On any given day it's a toss up if I wear make-up. Today I decided brushing my hair was too hard on my arms. And my clothes didn't match. Again.

Suffice it to say, I'm good at asking for help. Heck, I'm great at it. And now I need yours.

Look, I got a problem. Granted, it ain't a big problem. No one is sick. No one is dying. And I know there are far worse problems in the world, but this here problem, well, it's inconvenient. And so I need all you mamma's to help me figure out a solution.

I have a baby monitor beside my bed that stays on during the night were Remi to need me. (It stays on my side, too. Not the AG's. Shocking, huh??) About three weeks ago I woke up at 4AM to the sound of The Little Mermaid. And let me tell ya...at 4 AM even a singing, dancing crab ain't all that cute. When I went up the stairs to her room her light was on, she had made a pallet on the floor and she happily exclaimed "Good morning, mama!"

The next night? I thought I was waking up to wolves attacking our dogs. But nope. It was just Copper and Todd, on Remi's current favorite, The Fox and the Hound, going at each other's throat. That will make you wake up in a cold sweat. Trust me.

And this time? 4:15 AM.

Now listen, I got a 3 month old that has been sleeping through the night for the past two weeks. I have paid my dues to late night feedings and early morning crying fits. I am proud of the fact that Rocco is sleeping through and by cracky, I want to relish that pride in my big king size bed and jersey sheets. And I don't want nobody - NOBODY - breaking my groove.

Not Todd.
Not Copper.
Not Aeriel.
And certainly not Lilo.
Nope, not even Remi.

So in the past three weeks I've woken up between 4 AM and 4:15 AM, almost every night. Sometimes it's 3 AM and sometimes it's 5 AM. But it ain't 10 AM...and that's the problem.

What do I do?

I've gone up and put her back to bed threatening everything but her life.
I've told her not to get up before she sees the sun.
I've told her not to get up until mommy and daddy come to her room and get her.
I've told her Santa is keeping score.
And one morning I may have accidentally told her God was very very displeased with her.

But nothing works!

We've placed a baby gate on her door so that she can't leave her room. Mainly because she immediately comes to wake me up, but also because she knows how to unlock the doors now and I can see this being a problem. But mainly cuz she's waking me up. So she can't leave her room. But c'mon! I can't let my child get up at 4 AM. I wasn't raised like that.

I don't know anyone who gets up at 4 AM! And I know a bunch of people.

So please all you momma's, grandmomma's, babysitters and school teachers...what do I do?

And don't tell me to make one of those clocks out of paper plates and brads and tell her not to get up until the long bunny ear meets the little bunny ear. Because that is having to be crafty and create something, and then who's getting punished? Again, ME.

So I'm looking for a solution. If you all don't provide me with one then my declaration is that every morning she wakes me up I will call one of you up at your home and make you talk to me until the sun comes up. Try me!

This blog is now open for comments. I pray you leave one.

(And feel no pressure, but if what you say makes me do anything inconvenient at 4 AM then I will make fun of you - by name - on my blog. But again, no pressure.)

Carry on.