Dec 5, 2008

Haz Aneewon Evr Hurd Of A Spankin Spooon?





Dear Bubble Bursters,

Yeah, you heard me right. Bubble bursters. Cuz I had a bubble and you all went and burst it.

Look, I'm not usually one to complain. Granted, I like a good foot stomp every now and then. And I've recently learned that crossing my arms and huffing really loud will get a response. But other than those things I'm not really one for fit throwing.

Until now.

HAVE YOU PEOPLE LOST YOUR MIND????

Let's see, we've got like ten of you who think I shouldn't take an afternoon nap anymore. Fifteen of you who think mom needs to put tape on my light. And about thirty who think the T.V. should be removed from my room.

Wow.

What's next?

Why don't you just strap a churn to me and send me out to make butter? Why don't I just travel to school from now on in a buggy?

What is this, Amish country?

So a girl likes to get up a little early and watch a movie. Boo hoo! My mom like to wake up early, plug the tree in, fix herself some hot chocolate and read a book about a vampire who falls in love and goes to his local high school. Now, I ask you. What's worse?

Oh, gee. I'm thinking if Tarzan and Jane had fangs and pasty white skin we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?

But oooooohhhh nnnoooo, blame the little girl. I know all you mom's out there. Oh yeah, I got your number. Y'all stick together. Oh yes you do. Y'all run in packs. I know things. I've heard things.

Once, my friend Tommy, who goes to the black church down the road, was bad during the music. And six different women spanked him before his momma could leave the choir loft, take him in the bathroom and do it herself. He told me right then and there that all you momma's stick together. He also told me to wear a lot of padding. Which is why I'm still in diapers. (Which reminds me...stop giving her advice on that, too. I'll do it when she brings my T.V. back to my room, how's that?)

So I just wanted to leave this post for you all to let you know how much I truly appreciate you all reading my mom's blog and leaving her your ideas. Oh, yes, really I do. I truly appreciate the tape that I have to peel off my light switch every night. I appreciate the digital clock that now shines so bright in my bedroom I fear planes are going to come in for a landing. And I appreciate you telling her to remove my T.V. Real nice.

I also want you to know that I have learned how to say things that are dripping with sarcasm. Mom taught me that. She can deny it, but she did.

Oh, and for the record. Mom and dad never put a T.V. in my room. Poppie did. He brought it. He plugged it in. He even brought the movies. So he says if you got a problem with it you can take it up with him.

And so he and I made a little agreement. He said he would give me the T.V./VCR combo if I would agree to always prefer him over Nonie and "never be a smartalic like your momma." His words, not mine. We shook hands. And I been waking up at 4 AM ever since.

So, bubble bursters, this holiday season I hope a few things for you.

1. I hope someone puts tape alllllll over your Christmas presents and then they say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to open it up? I just assumed you wanted to look at it but not be able to do anything about it."

2. I hope someone makes a sign that says "NO" and tapes it up over your stocking. Then loads said stocking down with all your favorite treats and maybe even a tennis bracelet. But you can't touch it. Nope. It's says "NO" on it, therefore you have to abide by the rule.

3. And lastly, right as your family goes to sit down on Christmas eve with their hot chocolate and their flannel pj's, to watch Home Alone or Miracle on 34th Street....I hope your power goes out.

Have a Merry One.
Remi



29 comments:

Givinya De Elba said...

Oh Remi, we were talking at cross-purposes! I thought you were turning a CD on in your room! Now I realise it was a TV.

Sorry, little one. Can I have Poppie's phone number, hmmm?

A Mothers Heart for China said...

Okay I was tagged a couple of months ago and failed to cooperate. Things have settled a bit and so I am keeping up my end of my most recent tag. Here is the requirements.

The Rules:
1. Grab the nearest book
2. Open it to page 56
3. Find the 5th sentence
4.Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with instructions
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book or the most intellectual - Pick the CLOSEST.

So here the closest book and what it says...

KELLER & KELLER

WWW.2KELLER.COM

WE MEAN BUSINESS

INJURY ATTORNEYS SINCE 1936

317-926-1111

This cracks me up...

So now I am tagging the next three...

http://reallybadhairday.blogspot.com/

http://www.sawyerandrew.blogspot.com/

http://www.sammynmick.com/

Shelley said...

Remi, Remi, Remi,

I am so sorry that you are having to learn lifes little lessons at such an early age. NOT. Get over it. Poppie should not have put a TV in your room to start with, especially if your mama didn't want it there in the first place.
Being a mom is a tough job. Even though you think all she does is sit on the couch and drink a nice beverage.
It's hard knowing just exactly where to draw the line.
But, it is your mom and dads job, from GOD, to raise you correctly. And that is a lot of pressure, so cut your mom some slack, huh?
You are a beautiful, incredible gift, and your parents love you very much, even when they have to discipline you and take things from you.
Melissa,
I hope this doesn't make you angry with me. The pics of Remi are precious. You are doing a fine job as a mother. And think of all the wonderful memories Remi and Rocco will have to look back on.

Sissy said...

Too funny. But I hope you got some sleep last night.

Karol said...

Remi,

I'm so sorry to hear that we've ruined your little life. Think of this, if mommy gets her sleep, then everyone's happy.

My boys don't have a t.v. in their room (yes I'm a evil mom too) and they're fine!

Well I hope Santa doesn't bring you a bunch of coal. Ha? Ha? Ha?

I was just joking...oh!...don't cry!

Ah, crap.

Deanna said...

It's okay Remi, my mommy had a spanking fly swatter and it stung. I say hunker down and play sweet for a few weeks and then break out the dvds again (quietly). shhhhh...they'll never know!!!

Leah said...

She is just too Precious!!! I just want to squeeze those darling cheeks.

Remi dear, be thankful that you have a mommy and a daddy that love you so much that they give you boundries and limits. When you are a mommy you will totally understand and love your parents even more for all the 'stick to it' that they have!

Ruby Red Slippers said...

Dear Remi,
Our mom has a spanking spoon-and she uses it! One swat to the tush, and we suddenly remember the rules...
Love,
Nature Boy
Dancing Boy
Itchy Baby
(Our mom tells us it's better to learn the rules from her than later from the long arm of the law...)

Anonymous said...

Dear Remi,
Life is tough. Sorry, but it's a lesson everyone has to learn. You gotta trust your momma to do whats best for you. "Train up a child in the way that is right..." All of us love you!
Niki and Tyler's Momma

Andrea Frederick said...

Poor abused, neglected little girl! My Emma has that same shirt, so at least your mean momma is dressing you cutely:) (is that a word)?

Midwest Mommy said...

OMG! That Remi is funny!

Kelley said...

Dear Sweet Remi,

As I tell my boys...."you'll get over it".

Ha!

Kelley said...

...oh and, yes, I have definitely heard of a spanking spoon. In fact, I used to carry one in my purse. However, when your boys are taller than you, it's no longer very intimidating.

Kori said...

One Day Remi you won't even remember this it will be the least of your worries. Now go to bed Missy. You definetly should not be up hacking into your Mother's Blog at 3:46AM. You are going to be in some serious trouble.

Aww who am I kidding I'm a sucker for that cute little bob of a hair do you got and those big beautiful eyes just get me right where it hurts. So here you go Remi have some cake and chocolate milk while watching you favorite shows.

Bree Shaw said...

Remi-

if you would sneak into your momma's bedroom at 4 am and turn on her tv to watch what you want, she will probably put your tv back in your room and decide that shutting the baby monitor off is a better idea!

sorry melissa! i couldn't help myself:)

Rhonda said...

Oh, Remi, you poor, poor thing. But I truly think that it's best to learn at a young age that life just ain't fair sweetheart. And even sometimes, it downright SUCKS.

lol

NC said...

Aren't these the moments we live for as moms? I mean really. We can explain to them how they will thank us for this when they are 30? Or you can just say it isn't your fault that the mean mom's on your blog made you take the TV out of her room! HA HA! You are good! I must say! LOVE IT!

Anita J. said...

Remi, I am so sorry about the "NO" sign. If it makes you feel any better, my little brother put a "NO" sign on refined sugars (AND fast carbs!). It goes up seven hours before bedtime, and I wander all around my kitchen and dining room realizing I can't grab ANYTHING that I like to munch on at night. I feel just like you feel in that picture up there.

I think what I'm trying to say is, a caked baked at bedtime still tastes good in the morning.

Maybe I can send you our Video Now and you can tell Mommy you'll only turn it on when the big red sign says 7:00? I just hate to see you hurt like this! But Mommy has to sleep. Mommy will be SO much more fun if you let her sleep. You want a new stuffed animal? A game? I feel so bad for you, child. Can I send you a sticker reward chart? A NO sign to put on Mommy's Twilight book? Tell Mommy how brilliant your post was. We're all feeling your pain.

Aja Jenise said...

Remi... so sorry lovey!! Tell me sweetie... whats your favorite candy?! Let me make it up to you. Remember a happy mom, makes a happy home... so lets try to keep mommy happy love.

Side note-- A friend mentioned yesterday that her son has begun waking up at 3-4 am each morning, because he is going to bed early with the time change. I wonder if that has anything to do it.

There was a time when I actually thought parenting was easy... well then we had our middle child and that went out the window... But the point was, when it seemed it was hard, it was in the act of having to put my foot down before my child learned to walk all over her respect for me. It ain't easy girlfriend... But has I have felt from the Lord, this life is a test--

I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it... its kind of like cooking to me!!

Take THAT with a teaspoon of sugar love... I mean it with all the love in my heart.

Tracy P. said...

Remi,

It took my kids years of fighting the sandman to finally realize there is little in this life more precious than a good night's sleep. Especially if your mom is the one who is getting it. When she starts sleeping through the night and you see what an amazing person she is, you'll be hooked for life!

I know. It's hard to imagine she could get any better. Trust me.

Melissa said...

Dearest Remi,

My condolences to you on the loss of your TV. You might feel better to know that Ariel and Belle come on the big TV in the living room, too. Don't hold a grudge too long, sister. Christmas is no time to be bitter. Cute glasses, BTW......

Love,
Ms. Melissa (the other one, not your mom..:)

Lacey in the Sky said...

Dear Remi,
I've been on your side from day one. Nope, nooooo Mommy advice from me!(Probably because I'm not a Mommy, but that's beside the point!) Listen kid, we gotta stick together. I'm just warning you...(because I can read and you can't)If your Momma comes running after you with a wooden cooking spoon, run honey. She doesn't want to play kitchen with you. The same goes for rubber bottomed slippers, ping pong paddles and in extreme cases... metal spatulas. God Speed, Remi!

Joie said...

Remi,
Our mom has two spankin' spoons. She keeps one hidden for if we get smart, and hide the other one- shucks! You know where she got them from? Well, we have a kitchen set and we had nice bamboo spoon, that's right had....she took them for her spankin' spoons. Now isn't that just so mean? The good thing is we hardly give her a reason to use them, except "once in a blue moon"- she says. And we have never had a TV in our room. She does let us share a room so we won't be lonely and climb in her bed. It works.
Remi, just remember naps are for babies....you are grown-up enough for quiet time in your room. we like that better, more time for play!
Later,
Marco and Liliana

Wep said...

SOOOO Funny. I love it.

katy said...

Ok, so I love your blog and I'm leaving you an award...I can't help it, I had to do it to...haha...come on over and check it out when you get time...Hugs!

Tassie said...

I'm very impressed that your daughter is able to work her tv and VCR as well as type so well! My daughter wakes up at 5 AM on weekends. During the school week, it's like raising the dead. I say--carry on! She'll eventually get tired and go back to sleep!

Carrie said...

Cute post! Is she sleeping in any better for you???

Trish said...

Dear Remi,

pack your bags, get on the next bus and come to live in Washington.
We'll take care of you. We want a little sister and our mom won't give us one.

Love, Ben and Cooper

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh, Remi. That's so wrong of them. SO. WRONG.