Nov 12, 2008

Even a Canker Sore Needs A Little TLC. And So Do I.

Okay, so no one liked yesterday’s post on Bond. I came to this assumption by the fact that I had three comments, as opposed to my usual five. So you didn’t think it was funny…that’s okay. I don’t need y’all to like every post I write. I know who I am in Christ.

I would now like to go on record as saying although I do, in fact, know who I am in Christ, I would prefer that y’all like every post I write. It just doesn’t hurt as bad, ya know?

So I’m riding in the car with the AG yesterday and I say, “I don’t think anyone liked my post on Bond. You didn’t even mention it.”

“What was I supposed to say about it?”

“You didn’t think it was funny?”

“It was fun.”

“Cause I thought it was funny. Real funny.”

“Really? Maybe I read it wrong. Tell me what was funny.”

“Hello! All those laser beams I talked about and then showing that picture of Roger Moore as a wrinkled old man.”

“Like I said, it was fun.”

Fun? Can you believe that? Fun? Who wants to be fun? I once had a canker sore, now that was fun. But you ain’t never seen no canker sore be funny, have you? I think not.

So the Attorney General’s complete demise of my self-esteem and overall worth as a human being really got me to thinking last night when I was in the shower. (And just so you know, I do some pretty heady thinking in the shower, now granted it’s usually deep thoughts like, ‘what kind of shampoo will I buy once I’ve used all of this stuff up?’ And then there’s the 15 minute ‘do I shave / do I not shave’ debate.)

So like I was saying, I got to thinking…

And here’s the deal. At some point in every mother’s life she is inevidably going to go through a season of feeling unappreciated. It’s nothing serious fellas, no need to go buy ten books on How To Keep Your Love Alive, just give her a little love. Am I right, ladies?

Just tell her “thanks,” every now and then.

Tell her you like her hair.

Tell her the jeans she has on, well, she’s swimming in them.

That’s all I’m askin’. I’m not askin’ for the moon here, folks. I’m just sayin’…

You don’t have to tell me my food was wonderful. Just tell me, “ya know, that meatloaf you made me, I actually kept it down. Not once did I even throw up.” See? That’s sweet right there, I don't care who you are.

You don’t have to tell me I look thin, just tell me how proud you are that I haven’t put on any more weight since the spring or “remember the summer of ’04? At least you’re not back to that size.” Don’t tell me that don’t feel nice, cause it does.

You don’t have to tell me my hair looks great, you just might want look over lovingly at me on the way to church, run your fingers through my hair and say, “I am so glad that when I run my fingers trhough your hair it doesn’t fall out in clumps.” Precious.

You don’t even have to comment on how clean the house is, just make sure and point out that as long as TLC hasn’t contacted me to be on the How Clean Is Your House show that you’re proud of me and you appreciate it. That’s love.

That’s all I’m askin’ for. Like I said, it ain’t the moon. Just show mama some love.

Oh, and this post? It had better be FUNNY.

44 comments:

ugagirl30 said...

I officially deem this post funny. I'll even go out on a limb and deem the whole blog funny. You are a skinny, cooking, funny lady with all her hair AND a clean house. AND thanks for your willingness to share it with the little people out here in blogland. We love you!!

Givinya De Elba said...

I thought the Bond post was funny! Sorry I didn't comment to that effect.

Shelley said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It would be hilarious if those things were not what I actually dream of hearing my DH say to me. LOL. You are funny, keep 'em coming.

StitchinByTheLake said...

When I don't get comments I look around to see what's wrong with everyone - it most certainly can't be me. Just like it can't be you. You aren't just funny, you cause meltdown, screaming, wet-your-pants laughter! You aren't just beautiful, you cause men to stop dead in their tracks! Yesterday was Veterans Day - everyone was off celebrating. That's why you didn't get many comments. :) blessings, marlene

Rhonda said...

Wow! Seriously? You only got three comments? How very odd.

I posted yesterday that I'm feeling comfortable in my own skin these days, as opposed to a weight-induced depression that is more normal for me. I asked my husband if he read my post, and he just said "yes". So I asked him what he thought of it. And he just shrugged. I told him the correct response to a post like that is "You go girl!" or "Good for you!"

Nope. Clearly he's wishing I would hate it and do something about it.

Creep.

They just don't get it.

Oh, and this post is hilarious! I love the hair clumps part! Precious! lol

Andrea Frederick said...

I wanted to be your "more than 5 comments" comment. I think your hilarious Melissa, and you swim in your jeans, and your chicken tenders are wonderful, and, and, and....

Andrea Frederick said...

I wanted to be your "more than 5 comments" comment. I think your hilarious Melissa, and you swim in your jeans, and your chicken tenders are wonderful, and, and, and....

Perksofbeingme said...

this post and the last was funny. Sorry I haven't been good about commenting. Know that I think you're hilarious. And I do want to meet you one of these days.

Sheri said...

I've been a bad reader. I've been a lurker, not a commenter (did I spell that right? Who cares - - Tylenol Sinus stuff is GREAT!), but I do read, and love, each and every one of your posts!

Jenn said...

I can't help but agree with everyone else... you are a good writer, and this post is funny stuff!! Especially telling someone about their weight. I wish I looked like I did in '04! PTL!

Paige said...

I want you to know that I try to never miss a post of yours! You either make me smile or crack up!

:)

Anonymous said...

Well, wonderful girl, you make my day everyday. (have I mentioned how thin you look in those jeans?)You don't have to be a laugh riot every day... we still love you!

Tracy P. said...

I'm just glad to know how to spell canker sore--but could you tell me how to cure mine, because while I no longer have five of them, the one remaining is huge! I would REALLY appreciate a cure! So I was in a grumpy mood and didn't make my usual rounds yesterday. ;-)

Kori said...

I liked the Bond post I just neglected to comment. Sorry sometimes my mind overloads my commenting.

And this post is sweet in it's on "I hid the meatloaf in my napkin and didn't tell her about it" way.

Love ya Darlin!

Denise said...

I think your very funny...and Im not just saying that cause you begged me to say it, I really, really think your funny.

Now return the love, please....LOL

Bobbie said...

Just wanted to let you know I linked to you today- about the Presidental prayer (Nov 6, I think).

Ashley said...

I get ya! 4 times over I get ya!

OH and I have to know, is your mint still on the music stand at FBCH?

Kim Chalfant said...

You crack me up. I love your blog. I'm pretty new to it, but I love it!!! I especially loved your post about the bathroom at Marshall's. I can't go into a Marshall's now without cracking up thinking about it.

At least your husband reads your blog. My husband doesn't get the whole blogging thing. Especially why I read peoples blogs that I don't even know. I told him that we have a secret society where the women of the blogging community are planning on taking over the world. Wouldn't that be nice?

Leighann said...

Very very funny, like always.

Aja Jenise said...

Actually, I was just stomping aroudn the house, griping to myself of all that I have to do... of all that have been 'lovingly' set aside so that MOI might get it done. Yeah, I am not askign for the moon... just a glimpse of it from under all these chores!

It was funny, and quite the comfort that 'a little TLC' goes a long way... IT AIN'T HARD FELLAS!!

Suzanne said...

I missed reading your post yesterday... because I missed everything yesterday! I was actually too busy to even sit at the computer! Anyway... I already left a comment on the post for yesterday... that really was funny! Absolutely, it cracked me up!

sally said...

I read only three blogs DAILY!!! This one is "The Funny One"!! Love your writing!

Tracy said...

Well... yeah. Ok.

Lynda said...

Girl, you can't help but be funny.

Joie said...

girl,
i have turned several of my friends on to ya because you are so daggone FUNNY!!!!
I hardly get any comments on my blog, not that i expect any. i am not a big commentor myself, and i just think most people that stop by my blog aren't big commentors either. (that's what i tell myself anyway!)
keep it up, i looooove a good belly laugh!

Anonymous said...

Girl, let's be serious ... everybody knows you could talk about the mechanics of the toilet and it would be funny. You've just got it that way. Like others, I'm not always a commenter, but, again like others, I do turn on everybody I can think of to this blog because there is nothing funnier available (when you're not being ultra sweet, which you do on occasion -- I enjoy those, too).

Jenni

Strawberry Blonde said...

Girl, that was make-me-spit-my-coke-zero-out funny. So, will you be speaking anytime soon in Alabama? You know, so I can see if you're as funny in person as you are in bloggy world. -- Brandi

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