Nov 13, 2008

A Country Fried Conundrum

So Meridith and I are hosting Thanksgiving this year at my house.

I say “hosting” as if there are 25 people coming who we are really trying to impress with our pomegranate tea and homemade pine cone centerpieces.

I say “hosting” as if I know what in the heck I’m actually doing and I do it well and I do it all while wearing a dress and heals and listening to Enya in the background.

I say “hosting” as if I have ever listened to one word Martha Stewart has ever spoken. I have not.

No, when I say “hosting” what I’m really saying is this…Meridith and I are fixing the meal for Thanksgiving for our parents and we’ve decided that both of our dad’s better update their wills because we don’t plan on fixing anything that won’t stop a heart dead in its tracks.

See? That’s what I mean by “hosting.”

Yes, gone are the days of turkey and dressing, ham and sweet potatoes. What is this, an episode of “Little House?” Seriously, folks. Meridith and I are today’s modern woman. We don’t cook anything we don’t fry and we don’t serve anything that doesn’t come with add-in ideas on the back of the box. And ooohhhhh, it’s gonna be good – ya wanna know what we’re calling it?

A Country Fried Thanksgiving.

Doesn’t that just make you wanna come over and eat with us? You know it does.

It was really tricky how we decided the menu. Let me explain, it went like this, we went around the table and asked the AG and Brandon (Meridith’s brother, therefore, my cousin) and Remi what sounded good. What was it they just had to have on their Thanksgiving table? And then, if we liked said food we added it to the list – whether it even went together or not. But if we didn’t like what they suggested we just rolled our eyes and skipped right over them.

So for instance, when Brandon said he wanted homemade mashed potatoes and gravy we added it to the list.

When the AG said he wanted green bean casserole, we rolled our eyes and said “why do we even continue to address you?”

When Remi said she wanted Chex Mix – Chex Mix was added to the list.

See how that works?

Brandon wants corn casserole? Sounds good to us.

The AG again asked for something green. We ask him to leave the table and go choke on something fattening.

Remi wants Skittles? Skittles it is.

It’s an easy process. Unless you’re the AG.

So it’s a Country Fried Thanksgiving, complete with chicken fried steak and fried chicken tenders. See how the words “fried” and “chicken” were in both of those items? HEAVEN!

See how the words “steamed,” “grilled,” “sauteed” or “Splenda” was not used? GENIUS!

But I'll be honest, with the exception of the two types of meat (chicken fried steak and chicken tenders) we got nothin'. And this is where you come in. We need your country fried recipes. Your best ones. Your most delicious. Your most deadly.

Just go over there to that Email Me button and click on it, then send me your Granny Helen's favorite side dish or appetizer recipe. (Meridith asks that you make sure it includes butter, sour cream and/or bacon. We're religious. So it's important we eat healthy.)

Nah, it doesn't matter what it has in it - just send it on. If we choose your recipe to serve on our Thanksgiving day then we will take a picture of it, we will get first taste responses from our families (that should be good for a few laughs) and you'll get something for your trouble.

Want to know what you get? ME TOO! I have no idea at the present, but it'll be grand. You can count on it.

So send 'em on, my lovelies. And remember, it needs to be country, and sinful, and rich and fattening and utterly delicious. It can be any color and any consistency. But the calorie count has to be pretty hefty, I'm not gonna lie. Or it's a waste of our time, okay?

Don't waste our time on Thanksgiving, that's just mean.

Yeah! This will be fun!


Rhonda said...

Okay, the only thing that I can think of that I do well, and is always requested at potlucks everywhere, and meets one more prerequisite - IT'S EASY - is meatballs. They are the most to-die-for (and if you use regular ground beef instead of lean you probably can die from them!) S&S meatballs in the whole world.

But it's not chicken.

And it's not fried. (Not even browned first! They're cooked right in their own fat!!!! Delightful!)

I will email the recipe to you, but ONLY if you promise NOT to share it up! I only give this recipe to my very favorite people, and those who live far away so will never bring them to the same potluck as me, and make them even tastier than I do, because that would just suck! And fancy that. You meet both criteria!

Happy "hosting"!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You're gonna ask me to leave the blog and choke on something, but I gotta tell you I do worry about your arteries sometimes! LOL It sounds like a yummy Thanksgiving, but it would give me the poops.

Adelaine said...

My fav is my Mom's candied sweet potatoes. She fries slices of sweet potatoes in butter then pours tons of Mrs. Butterworths syrup over the top of them and lets them simmer until they are all candied and yummy. Of course you have to like sweet potatoes and they are a veggie!

Anonymous said...

Did you ever try sweet potato pone? It's full of eggs, sweet potatoes, butter, brown sugar, etc. and cooks up sort of like a pudding. Then you can do that sweet crunchy topping (NO marshmallows, thank you very much)with more brown sugar, butter, and a little's almost like a dessert, but we count it as a vegie at my house.

Anonymous said...

I believe I've discovered my sista-from-anotha-mista. Your tastebuds are gifted...just like mine! I keep a "grease pot" (as my self-righteous yet always hungry friends like to call it) on my stove so I'm always prepared to REALLY cook stuff. How does food get flavor if you don't fry it? Duh. And I know a secret: You can put bacon, cheese, and sourcream on a cardboard box and people will eat it up at a potluck then beg you for the recipe! Maybe even more so if you fry it first.
I'm not sure if I can share a recipe you don't likely have already.
Perhaps if you want to give-in to the AG with veggies, you could just chop up some potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, onion, zucchini, mushrooms (various fresh veg), toss with a little milk/egg, dump on some well seasoned flour, toss around, deep fry, then salt them. Yummy with blue cheese dressing.
Oh, and have you ever just layed a slice of sharp cheddar in a pan and fried it to a crisp. Oh mama! And if you lay it over the end of a cup to harden, it becomes an edible bowl for dips and such. That might be a nice Thanksgiving fancy.
~Another gal named Melissa

Caroline said...

That sounds like quite a feast. Maybe you could even fry the skittles and chex-mix since people are trying to fry everything these days. And you mentioned butter, but maybe you could just fry some sticks of butter and pass those around instead of rolls.

I'm gonna have to think about that recipe thing. Get back to ya.

Karen Carter said...

Paula deens "pumpkin butter cake" is a MUST!!! Easy...uses two cubes of butter and it so much better than any pumpkin pie. My boys LOVE it!! Fresh whipped cream (or a whole canister of reddi whip is fine too) You wont be disappointed. And you will need a little somethin sweet after all that fried. With a thank"full" heart. Karen~

Midwest Mommy said...

Green Bean not healthy yet so good. I think you should allow him just that one :-)

Lynda said...

I with midwest mommy and the green bean casserole - use sour cream instead of milk and there's no reason you can't add bacon bits (real ones). Plus, it DOES have the fried onion pieces. The green color will balance out the look on the plates.

Amy said...

I love chicken. Not just a little, I mean I LOOOOOVE chicken. I had a lady at our local health food store tell me that if I ate right for my bloodtype then I should never eat chicken. She told me that I was a genius with a "great mind". I laughed. She didnt. She told me the chicken was holding me back. So be it, I said. I eat chicken daily and now it is a running joke in our family that the chicken is holding me back! Pretty random comment I know but I just had to share. :)

Ronnica said...

Set the table for one more because I'm SO coming. That sounds so delicious!

Ruby said...

I wish i lived closer to you, cause i'd be SO there!

Love your humor and attitude, we're on the same page.

I need a good stuffing recipe Melissa! I'm going over to families house and it's potluck and everyone can make something really good, but they gave me the weak recipe. How do I enhance stuffing?
Do tell, if you know!!

It's not green, so don't attack me. Leave that for the AG! hehe

Robin said...

It's not a recipe, but you MUST deep-fry a turkey!! It is the best thing ever! My family does one in one of those huge deep-fryers (got it at the local farmer's co-op.) The skin gets crisp and the meat is so moist. A must try.

Trish said...

oh girl, I neeeeeed to be invited to thanksgiving dinner. and you neeeeeedddd to fry me up some chicken fried steak whilst I am there.
I have been craving some chicken friend steak and ya know they just don;t make it up here in the Pacific northwest.

So come on, I sent you cookies, remember??

Mrs. Tantrum said...

Please promise that you will post the entire menu with recipes after it is done! I will need it next year when it is "the out laws" turn to come with their freaky deaky food requests and macro-biotic raw diets and such. I can calmly say, "This is what we are Thankful for. If you are not, please go home and don't come back."
Only because they are mean and don't like food.

katy said...

Hey, have you ever had a DEEP FRIED TURKEY? It's delicious! I'm not that big on traditional turkey, but one year my uncle deep fried one for Thanksgiving and it was sooo goood! He had a big deep fryer (I know that sounds technical, huh?) outside on the porch, and it didn't take any hardly time for it to cook/fry! Try it! Try it!