Oct 3, 2008

Talladega Nights: The Legend of Attorney General

You know what's funnier than the Attorney General going to a Nascar event?

Nothing.

HHHAAAA! HHHAAAAA! HHHAAAAA! HHHAAA!

Please don't get me or my post today, wrong.
I AM NOT making fun of Nascar fans.
I AM making fun of my husband.

The man is going to Talladega today and he has absolutely no business going. None. He says its because I yelled at him three weeks ago when we were shopping at Marshall's and he would not get out of my personal space and I said, "For the love of pete, would you back up out of my grill and get your self some friends to hang out with?"

I personally don't remember saying this. Yet, oddly, I can remember verbatim what I said.

But he said that at that very moment he was a changed man. He decided then and there he would, indeed, get himself some friends. Unfortunately, they love Nascar. Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing except Nascar ain't cheap and they keep dragging him to these dadgum things.

Oh, sure it was harmless at first. A little race here. A superspeedway there. But now we're talking Talladega - and that's a big deal. I think. I would assume. I mean, they made a movie out of it, so I'm assuming it's a pretty grand thing. And it was starring Will Ferrell - which right there means we're dealing with some upper echelon of acting. I hear they tried to get Ralph Fiennes to play the lead, but he wasn't sure he could act under such intense pressure.

I mean, what set director could actually bring this to life?


Or this? That's a Bocephus flag, my lovelies. You can't just find that anywhere.


I tell you this, I would give the use of my right arm to watch my sweet AG settle into a Talladega weekend. He'll be the only man in a 50 mile radius who presses his khakis before the race, wipes down the lawn chair before he sits on it, and pops a cork instead of a can.

His buddies have rented an RV. The closest my husband has ever been to an RV was the 2006 motion picture, RV, starring Robin Williams. The whole movie he was breaking out into a cold sweat and downing Dramamine like they were popcorn.


His buddies also told him they would be sleeping in said RV. This poses a problem since he is a card-carrying Marriott Platinum member. When I told him we didn't even have a sleeping bag he could take he actually said, "Sleeping bag? What is this "sleeping bag" you speak of?"

While they are all enthralled by the speed - he will be perplexed over the ability to get 180,000 people in a stadium and still find the electrical capabilities to re-enforce the additional modified components of amplified sound and still be...I don't know what I'm saying, I'm just trying to show that it's not a perfect fit.

But you know what? At least he's trying something different. And doggone it, I'm proud of him. I will take a long bath tonight once I get both kids put to bed and I won't have to lock the door for fear that he will walk into the bathroom in the middle of it and say, "You have to look at the video that J just sent me. It's on the Business of Marketing and it will really make you think." So see? No locking door. I will be trying something new as well.

AG, have a great time. Personally, I think you and Talladega go together like...

21 comments:

Hippomanic Jen said...

Sounds like he might be the proverbial fish out of water, but you never know, he might like it. Then he'll try to drag the rest of the family along... or is it just a man-thing?

Crazy Sister said...

I love your "What set director could bring this to life?" comment, followed by the picture! Laughing my head off!

Tabi said...

oh my goodness....you always crack me up!!! This is great...I love it..he will be the only one to press his khaki's and wipe down the seat!! Haha...all this sounds like my brother! Hope he has a great time!! :P

Sissy said...

I am so happy to start my day with you. That is priceless. My husband would be the same way...and would probably take his Mac along with him to watch the race in slow motion or something instead of the cars speeding by in front of him.

Midwest Mommy said...

Lol, that's great!

Wep said...

Let us know how those pressed Kakhis work out :)

The Willmons said...

While my all-time favorite Will Ferrill movie is Elf, Talledega Nights is not far behind.

"Help me Tom Cruise, Help me Oprah Winfrey!"

As long as the AG prays to the Baby Jesus, He'll be ok. And remember, "if you ain't first, you're last."

Lynda said...

I don't understand the fascination with NASCAR at all...seems, well, pointless, but men are...weird. lol - I know, I have one in my house.

Rhonda said...

Oh, Melissa! You do have a way with words. You've changed my morning Candid Carrie cry into fits of laughter! lol

And you know, my husband has decided that it's time he try something new. So after twice sitting up (snoozing) in a frigging tree stand with his nephew he wants to buy a bow and become a hunter.

He's never even been to an archery range, for crying out loud. And he has issues with killing things!

Rhea said...

Oh, boy, can't wait to hear about his experience. A sleeping bag and an RV? He's in for quite the treat!

My2Gs said...

O.K. when you said "Back up off my grill" I laughed so hard, and then the phone rang (because I'm at work) and it was all I could take not to cackle in the phone. And...that wouldn't be good because, I work in a church office. Thank you for a great laugh today :)

justjuli said...

Oh. my. gosh. I almost wet my pants laughing at that last photo. I will have to forward this to my sister who recently moved to Charlotte, NC - smack dab in the middle of NASCAR country. :)

Kori said...

I used to usher at Talladega every year at every race.I pity him. He will see and experience things that boggles the mind. It gets crazy here in the State of Alabama on Race weekend. This is a big deal here ya know.

Hope it's all he thinks it should be and more.

Blissful Nikki said...

lol too funny! And I know your recipe for the bars is bad, but I'll only eat a small one! hehe My sister is making them for bible study tonight, I cant wait to try them!! hehe

Caution Flag said...

I love Nascar, but those pix shamed me. Just shamed me. Best of luck to your man.

Crazy Life of the McNeill's said...

My brother-in-law is in the Army as a Recruiter and he has to work the whole weekend at Talladega. He has done this for the last 2 years and he says there are some very interesting people there.

Karen said...

I cant wait to read the followup to this story!! I, too, am a HUGE NASCAR fan. We've done the camping at the track thing and it was honestly one of the best "vacations" of my life! (Sad, huh.....) He may get some strange looks when he breaks out the corkscrew, but if there is one thing that I know about NASCAR fans, it's this: We are crazy and nuts and get all excited about tires and gasoline, but the fans come from all walks of life. There's construction workers, brain surgeons, waitresses and anything else you can think of ! The rest of the fans will love him!!! (or at least enjoy the entertainment!!!)

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

Yep, I can't wait for the follow up to this post. Love it!

marigold said...

This absolutely cracks me up!!

Julie said...

And if the RV potty backs up and the tank gets full then he will get to visit one of the MILLION port-o-potties that they have in the in-field and parking lot (i mean field)

And, yeah, I live about 45 minutes west of 'Dega (cuz thats what we call it here in AL). Poor AG even if he wanted to find a Marriot or even a Red Roof Inn he would be SOL. All those rooms have been snatched up by the higher class of rednecks about a year in advance.

PLEASE post an update when he returns from the land of the rednecks. I mean, sister, you have never seen such until yo've been to 'Dega.

Jennifer Eoff said...

You have to tell us all about it when he gets back! I am a NASCAR fan & have been to many NASCAR events(I was born & raised in GA). I'm not even brave enough for Talladega. They say it gets crazy there. Best of luck to him. I hope he has a great time.