Hey Ya'll Guess What???

I'm ONE YEAR OLD today!

I've been blogging for one wwhhooolllleeee year.

Can you believe it? The only thing I've ever done consistently for a year is use hemorrhoid cream. So this is a real step up.

So in honor of my blogiversary I will grace you with my first couple of posts'. They are lame, they are short and they are proof that I had/have no business writing a blog.

Oh...and you know what I want for my birthday? For you to leave me a comment on how I've changed your life. Okay, that's asking a little much. How presumptuous of me to ask so much. I tell you what, leave a comment for the AG on how I've changed your life. Yeah, that's much better.

So here's hoping my writing has grown just as much as my circle of influence.
I mean friends.
I mean stalkers.
I mean...oh, who am I kidding? I mean influence.

So here they are...my first posts. It's a wonder Blogger didn't shut me down.

I Will Tell You What I Know...But First Things First, Where's The Cookie Dough?

David Radke has wanted me to start a blog for over a year now.
Translation: David is sick of me buying expensive journals and then writing my grocery list in them.

David Radke says I will enjoy it, he says I am a good writer.
Translation: David thinks blogging is cheaper than therapy.

David Radke wants to know if I am going to write about "funny" things or "spiritual" things?Translation: David wants to know if I am going to write about him.

David Radke wants me to come up with a really clever title that describes who I am and shows my maturity and depth.
Translation: David is driving me crazy tonight and I would pay $1,000 for a cookie log.

David Radke says blogs are a good idea if I want to share my deep, spiritual thoughts or some daily devotionals that I write.
Translation: David hopes I don't embarrass him.David had best not read my blog.Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.

Breaking Bread With Miss America

Boy, talk about your High School moments all over again.

I had lunch across from a beauty queen today. No, seriously. I did.

Suddenly I was transported back to April 3rd, 1990, 11:47am, Hudson High School cafeteria. The prettiest girl in our grade pulls up a chair across from me. This is not intimidating to me, of course, for I am full of pep, personality, zeal and charisma. And as we all know, those things are important in High School.

NOT!
I am intimidated.

Why? Because I always seem to get the most tickled when there is food rolling around in my mouth. If ranch dressing drips down my hand I never got the concept of "wipe it off". I lick it. And I always...always...spill something on myself.

And so, on that third day of April 1990 I sat across from her. And yes, I spilled. And no, she didn't.

And yes, I used too much mayonnaise. While she used none.

And yes, I caught the ranch dressing rolling down my palm with my tongue, while she never soaked her fries in ranch dressing at all.

And yes, I went to English Lit. with taco meat on my vest...but it's all okay. As my granny says, "who cares. you'll still go to heaven happy." (I have no clue what that even means.)

But there I was today. Sitting across from another beauty queen. A real live beauty queen. Not like the girl I went to school with (who rumor has it worked at Kohl's for four weeks before she slipped in the bathroom and got worker's comp which she used to open up a tanning salon that eventually went belly-up but not before she went belly-up, if you get my meaning.) * I chuckle lightly to myself.

No, today's beauty queen was Miss America.
A real live Miss America.

And she made a sandwich for me. And we ate together.

And yeah, I think I laughed with my mouth open while she kept her elbows off the table.
And yes, I think she saw me pick that piece of cheese up off the table and eat it while she politely wiped her mouth with her napkin.
And so what if sweet tea dribbled down my chin while she cut her sandwich into fourths?
We had a nice time. She's wonderful and secure and could care less that she ever was a beauty queen.

And me? I'm perfectly happy - after all, I am full of pep, personality, zeal and charisma. And while that may not count for much when your 15 - it sure makes people want to have you over for lunch when you're 30.