Oct 9, 2008

Hey Ya'll Guess What???

I'm ONE YEAR OLD today!

I've been blogging for one wwhhooolllleeee year.

Can you believe it? The only thing I've ever done consistently for a year is use hemorrhoid cream. So this is a real step up.

So in honor of my blogiversary I will grace you with my first couple of posts'. They are lame, they are short and they are proof that I had/have no business writing a blog.

Oh...and you know what I want for my birthday? For you to leave me a comment on how I've changed your life. Okay, that's asking a little much. How presumptuous of me to ask so much. I tell you what, leave a comment for the AG on how I've changed your life. Yeah, that's much better.

So here's hoping my writing has grown just as much as my circle of influence.
I mean friends.
I mean stalkers.
I mean...oh, who am I kidding? I mean influence.

So here they are...my first posts. It's a wonder Blogger didn't shut me down.

I Will Tell You What I Know...But First Things First, Where's The Cookie Dough?

David Radke has wanted me to start a blog for over a year now.
Translation: David is sick of me buying expensive journals and then writing my grocery list in them.

David Radke says I will enjoy it, he says I am a good writer.
Translation: David thinks blogging is cheaper than therapy.

David Radke wants to know if I am going to write about "funny" things or "spiritual" things?Translation: David wants to know if I am going to write about him.

David Radke wants me to come up with a really clever title that describes who I am and shows my maturity and depth.
Translation: David is driving me crazy tonight and I would pay $1,000 for a cookie log.

David Radke says blogs are a good idea if I want to share my deep, spiritual thoughts or some daily devotionals that I write.
Translation: David hopes I don't embarrass him.David had best not read my blog.Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.

Breaking Bread With Miss America

Boy, talk about your High School moments all over again.

I had lunch across from a beauty queen today. No, seriously. I did.

Suddenly I was transported back to April 3rd, 1990, 11:47am, Hudson High School cafeteria. The prettiest girl in our grade pulls up a chair across from me. This is not intimidating to me, of course, for I am full of pep, personality, zeal and charisma. And as we all know, those things are important in High School.

I am intimidated.

Why? Because I always seem to get the most tickled when there is food rolling around in my mouth. If ranch dressing drips down my hand I never got the concept of "wipe it off". I lick it. And I always...always...spill something on myself.

And so, on that third day of April 1990 I sat across from her. And yes, I spilled. And no, she didn't.

And yes, I used too much mayonnaise. While she used none.

And yes, I caught the ranch dressing rolling down my palm with my tongue, while she never soaked her fries in ranch dressing at all.

And yes, I went to English Lit. with taco meat on my vest...but it's all okay. As my granny says, "who cares. you'll still go to heaven happy." (I have no clue what that even means.)

But there I was today. Sitting across from another beauty queen. A real live beauty queen. Not like the girl I went to school with (who rumor has it worked at Kohl's for four weeks before she slipped in the bathroom and got worker's comp which she used to open up a tanning salon that eventually went belly-up but not before she went belly-up, if you get my meaning.) * I chuckle lightly to myself.

No, today's beauty queen was Miss America.
A real live Miss America.

And she made a sandwich for me. And we ate together.

And yeah, I think I laughed with my mouth open while she kept her elbows off the table.
And yes, I think she saw me pick that piece of cheese up off the table and eat it while she politely wiped her mouth with her napkin.
And so what if sweet tea dribbled down my chin while she cut her sandwich into fourths?
We had a nice time. She's wonderful and secure and could care less that she ever was a beauty queen.

And me? I'm perfectly happy - after all, I am full of pep, personality, zeal and charisma. And while that may not count for much when your 15 - it sure makes people want to have you over for lunch when you're 30.


ugagirl30 said...

Dear AG,

We the readers love Melissa's pep, personality, zeal, and charisma. And I would so have her over for lunch. She adds a smile to my face (and sometimes a tear to my eye) every time I read her words. Thanks for sharing her with us. Our lives have truly been blessed.

Shelley said...

How my life has changed since beginning to read your blog?
Well, I have certainly learned to laugh out loud and to cry from deep within my heart for someone I have never met.
I have learned that I am not the only person on the planet that has a whacked sense of humor.
I have learned to pray for someone I don't know (in more than the general "please help all people" prayer). And I have seen God's answers from these specific prayers.
I have learned that I should have had pen pals because my world is so much richer because you are in it.
I love your granny's saying.
God blessed me whenever he brought your family into my life through this blog.

Wep said...


Congrats on your blogiversary!

KimmyJ said...

Happy Blogiversary!

Rhonda said...

Your sense of humour slays me.
Your faith inspires me.
Your hair makes me green with envy.
Your husband's job is REALLY COOL!
Your love of cookie dough matches mine.
Your blog should be 7 days a week.

Happy blogiversary my friend.

Sarah W. said...

Congrats on your one year! I only recently found your blog, but I have enjoyed it so thoroughly. I laugh a lot. I cry some. I can count on a good read. Your blog is the first one I read when I sit to read blogs. Your humor is well, funny. I love your honesty.....but not the honesty that irritates people....your honest allows people to be themselves (in an internet sort of way).
I just love your blog!!! I am pretty sure you should celebrate.

Meredith said...

Dear AG,

Seriously go buy your wife a roll of cookie dough to celebrate - she deserves it. She makes me laugh, cry, laugh until I cry, think deep, reflect, and some how on the days when I'm really needing something she puts herself out there for all to see and I can totally relate. I just wished we lived closer so that we could laugh until we cried in person.

Cookie Dough...Stat!

Amy said...

Mr. AG-
Did you know that I wake up every morning (sometimes at 4am when I get up to go to the restroom I check too) to see what your wife has written? I look forward to her blogs so much. If I am down, they always cheer me up! You are so lucky to have a wife like Melissa. Did you know that? NO..she did NOT pay me to say that, I promise.
To Melissa-
Thank you for postings things that are honest, sincere and hilarious! You are a breath of fresh air to a weary housewifes soul!

Tracy P. said...

Oh happy blogaversary! I'm glad you went back to the beginning, because it sounds like you and I went to the same finishing school. And that honesty and reality is what keeps me coming back for at least a smile a day! Thanks for giving her a kick in the pants, AG!

katylinvw said...

happy blogaversary! since finding your blog, i will never be the same. (for one thing, what is up with my sentence structure, lol!) i have never known anyone who can make me laugh until i spit my coffee on my keyboard and cry like i've lost my best friend in the space of 5 minutes. thanks for all you add to our community :) congratulations!

Robin said...

Congrats on the blogiversary!! I enjoyed reading your first posts. Now, go grab some cookie dough and whoop it up today!

Laurel said...

Dear Mr. AG,
I want your wife to come live with me. She is funny, she is smart, life has tested her and she still is so freakin' positive. She is truly a treasure. Make her keep blogging for years to come because I crave her like she craves cookie dough.

Stephanie said...

To the AG--
This is one of the first blogs I read...I am still a blog baby and her blog has brought on serious addiction. So in other words, she has changed my life, she makes me laugh every day! I can't get enough! Happy Blogiversary! I can only hope to make it so far! :)

Lynda said...

Dear AG,

What a gift God has given you and all of us. Like so many of the others, not one day goes by that I don't check Melissa's blog to see what she has written. She has made me cry, gave me the honor of praying for your family, she has made me spew coffee all over my monitor, and she's a Texan.

What more can we want... except for an autographed first edition copy of the book that should be published from this blog.

Now, go buy your wife some anniversary flowers (and a roll of cookie dough)!

Anonymous said...

Dear AG,
Thanks for sharing your wonderful wife with us. I never knew I'd care so much about a stranger's life. I guess you know what a hoot she is! You're a lucky man.

Anonymous said...

Dear AG,
Thanks for sharing your wonderful wife with us. I never knew I'd care so much about a stranger's life. I guess you know what a hoot she is! You're a lucky man.

Sheri said...

Happy Blogiversary!

Dear AG, I have LOVED reading about your newest addition. I don't know if I ever tried to trade Brad in for a turtle, but your wife has the BEST personality. I only wish I knew her IRL as well! You are one lucky fella . . .

Anita J. said...

Doggone it Melissa when I had that Stretch Marks Reading Marathon I noticed your anniversary was coming up. I even marked my little notebook. But then I didn't look at the little notebook. And so it goes.

How have you changed my life? Well, you are a fantastic writer, but you have no book published. AND you actually go and speak to churches that you don't currently attend. I would like to write a book, and I want to eventually go around speaking at churches I don't attend. So you are an inspiration. And you might have given me a laugh or two. Thanks again to the AG.

Lula! said...

How has my life changed since I met you? Let's see...

I have no Julio's and no videos of you singing.

Clearly my life sucks. You must remedy this situation. Stat!

Ronnica said...

Happy first birthday, Stretch Marks! Yay!

Oh, Melissa, how much I enjoy your blog!

Anonymous said...

Dearest AG:
I now know what my husband deals with. And I force him to read it so he realizes I am not the only woman who acts like this.

Dearest Melissa - I feel like we are bestset friends. You had me from the title of your blog. You stole my heart with "Foxholes".
By the way who is David Radke? and should AG be concerned?

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

Love it. The Beauty Queen post is THE BEST!!! (especially the "belly up" quote.)

You are good, yesterday and today!

Tassie said...

I enjoy reading your blog. I think you are very witty. I've only been blogging since this summer,and I hope you don't mind, I linked your blog to mine!!!! Happy one year!

angela | the painted house said...

Congratulations on your blogiversary!

I haven't posted a comment on your new baby boy--but HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! God is good and I love how He brings it home to us.

Anonymous said...


If I didn't love your wife so much I'm pretty sure I would hate her.

She's puts me to shame with her writing style and bold faced sarcasm.

I want to be her when I grow up. (Despite that fact that I am already oder than her. Ahem.)

Who thinks like that? And how do you keep up with her?

G.B. said...

Happy 1 year! I am so glad you started your blog and although I have only been a fan for a month or so...I love reading it and find myself going to the computer everyday to read what is going on in your life. Thank you for making me laugh!

Aja Jenise said...

Oh my AG,

You have a mighty power in your hands... and it ain't the remote! I think Miss Thang here... is better than any therapy I could find... cause its the only time I laugh... or cry for that matter. Something about being really! Melissa I love that you are so real, Yeah, I like crafty things... and scrapbooking... but those are all the cute, cuddly and posed- like this-is-how-I-want-you-to-see-me moments. But no, Melissa defies it all... and brings it on REAL. Thanks girl... we need something real to count on... especially when my kids make being real-- painful. Thanks chica!!

My2Gs said...

I just have to say that I love your blog! It makes me laugh so hard! I have nominated you for an award. You can check it out here http://pbandpickles.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-got-award.html

Rhea said...

Congrats on a whole year!!

You make me laugh. And sometimes you inspire me.

And sometimes you make me pee in my pants or gasp in horror. hehe