Jul 25, 2008

(Silence).

Well, I'm not floating.

In fact, I think I'm sinking.

I had an ultrasound this morning. He told me, "Melissa, there is no heartbeat."

Which is ironic since mine stopped beating at the exact same time.

If you'll excuse me I'd like to crawl into my bed now...and try to sleep through some heartache and embarrassment. Both of which I feel right at this moment.

Peace would be nice.

141 comments:

Tiffany Crawford said...

Melissa! My love...my heart aches for you...

(Silence).

Ashley said...

I sit in silence with you!

Jill said...

my heart is breaking for you right now. There are no words. Sending you a million hugs.

Heather said...

Oh, honey, we are with you in our hearts right now, which are breaking along with yours. Why embarrassment? God knew you needed the support of friends at this time; use us. Hug and hold on to that adorable girl of yours and use her to help ease the pain of your loss.

I am so sorry for you.

Dori said...

I'm so sorry, Melissa. I have been there and understand the silence and desperate need for peace.

Praying.

Dori

Karol said...

In tears, I pray for silence for you. God bless you.

Sumer said...

I also have no words, tears streaming down my face but no words. I will be praying for you.

So too the Holy Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance. Romans 8:26

Adelaine said...

I agree, no need to be embarassed. God made us to need people, need compassion, need someone to lean on and feel our pain.

Blog yourself through this...or talk yourself through....get it out somehow when you are ready. This is no easy thing but rest assured, there are soooooo many women who have been in your shoes. It's no fair, it's confusing, it's hurtful, it makes no sense whatsoever......just awful, awful, awful.

My heart aches for you.....I know your pain....you know your pain all too well.....I pray God will give you peace.

StitchinByTheLake said...

My heart is hurting with yours. I am lifting you up right now asking our Father to ease your pain, to give you strength and grace, to enfold you in His love. Blessings, Marlene

Trish said...

I'm sorry. Truly.

You are loved and please remember that God is good. All the time.

"And I know ther'll be days
when this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus bring the rain"

Much love,
Trish

Caren said...

Melissa- I am new here and it was Julio who brought me. I have been praying for you both, and will continue to do so.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Jenn said...

((HUGS!))

Heather said...

I'm so sorry.

Does Anybody Hear Me said...

Melissa,
I am so sorry to hear this news. I wish there were words to make it better. Just know that you are prayed for and loved by all who read your blog every day.
God Bless~
Maryann

Mrs. S said...

Oh sweet dear. I'm so sorry.

Alicia (dna) said...

Words are inadequate at a time like this. I will be praying for you.

"The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Whether you feel Him near or not, He is there.

I'm so sorry Melissa,
Alicia

Colleen said...

I am sincerely sorry for your loss.

Merrie said...

You just grieve and know that there are plenty of us grieving with you. So much love to you and AG and Remi. And I am so broken hearted for your loss.

Perksofbeingme said...

Oh Melissa. I know there's really no words that can take away the pain that you are feeling right now. I know that there's really nothing that can be done to make everything better. I know the only thing I can truly do is be here. I'll be here if you want to talk, I'll be here if you want to be silent, I'll be here if you want to scream, to cry, to shake, to hug. I'll be here for anything you need, anything you want. I'll be here with a bag of Julios chips. I'll be here with a big cup of hot chocolate. I'll be here crying with you. I'll be here no matter what you need. Please let me know how I can help and what you would like me to do. Know that I am praying for you. Know that I'm talking to Sarayu and asking her to fill you with her peace. Know that Sarayu and Papa are surrounding you with their love and hugs. I love you.

Mindy said...

I had this same silence (with a few sobs mixed in) this past October/November. I know no two losses are the same so I will not tell you that I know exactly how you feel but I can imagine.

No need to be embarrassed. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to pray for and with you thru this WHOLE thing.

I know I live close to you - If I knew your address I would come hug you in person (and in silence).

Phil 4:6-7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Let Him comfort you. We Love You.

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

I don't know what to say. Can't say I understand because I don't.

I will just sit and listen to anything you may need to get off your chest.

(((((Hugs)))))

Midwest Mommy said...

I realy don't know what else to say but sorry.

NC said...

I am so so sorry. You are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Omg I soooo feel your pain. I'm praying for you. I am thinking of you. I am sending you virtual hugs and friendship... I wish I could take some of that pain... I have been where you are before 3 times. I KNOW, I DO.


AMY

Lula! said...

Praying for y'all, as always.

Todd Wright said...

...praying for you guys.

Jendeis said...

I am so so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

Lauren W said...

Prayers for peace
Prayers for healing
Prayers for hope

Melissa said...

My heart stopped beating, too. This is really killing me right now. I'm hurting for you so badly. Go sleep. I'm praying.

Betina said...

This is my first time here. I am so so sad to read your post. My heart goes out to you and your family.

God bless.

Kori said...

Oh honey, I am truly sorry you have to go through all this. Many, many hugs.

Vicki said...

I'm praying for you and your family. And there should be no embarrassment whatsoever. We were happy to share in your joy and we'll mourn with you too.

Rhea said...

Don't be embarrassed at all. We're here for you through good or bad, that's what friends are for. Even weird bloggy friends you've never seen before. :o)

Hang in there, sweetie. I know this is not easy. :o(

mama k said...

I'm so sorry.

I can relate and I know it just plain hurts.

I pray that God will give you peace during this difficult time.

Swirl Girl said...

I am so sorry Melissa.
Magical, mystical or spiritual - this was not meant to be.

You should do what you need to do to get through this very difficult time for you and your family.

Go give Remi a big squeeze.

Hairline Fracture said...

I am so sorry. I will be praying for you.

Teresa said...

I'm so very sorry. I wish I had better words but I don't. Please know I'm praying for you and David.

Amy said...

On my knees for you. I am so, so, so sorry.

happymcfamily said...

:(

Christine said...

Oh, I just came over from John Deere Mom and I am so sorry. I have been there, as many of us have, and I wish there was something that can be said to make it better. I suggest lots and lots of love. Tears in my eyes as I write this - I so feel for you.

Ashley said...

I have been singing Peace Speaker on your behalf all afternoon (and I am by no means no Melissa Lee)... but I wanted you to know that I still sit with you... this time singing with Him.

Finding Normal said...

Oh honey. I'm so sad for you and the AG. So so sad. I've been there, and it is one of the worst places to be. Cry when you need to, but please don't be embarrassed. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. If you had not told us, you would not have to tell us this news, and you would not feel the arms of our love wrapping around you. I'll be praying for peace.

Amy said...

I am sorry... (((Hugs)))

J'Ollie Primitives said...

I'm so sorry. Prayers and hugs.

NoahandMaddysMom said...

Melissa-
I can't say "I know how you feel" although I have been through thsi before,each of us grieves differently. I am lifting you up in prayer and your family as well.
I feel like I need to leap into my monitor and give you a big hug, especially because of all the times your blog has lifted my spirits when I needed them to be.
God's Peace....

carsholtz said...

I too am singing "Peace Speaker" with Ashley! Oh Melissa, I'm SO SORRY! Know that you are loved and there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed. This is what the body of Christ is all about. Not allowing us to do it would be robbing us of our purpose! Please let us show you Jesus through our love. Sleep, cry, ask why. HE CAN HANDLE IT!! Love you, David and Remi!!!!!

Kelly said...

I am so saddened to hear your news...is there anyway possible that it's just too early to pick up a heartbeat yet?

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...

Strawberry Blonde said...

Sweetheart, if I were there, I would sit with you and let you cry on my shoulder.

Love you dear and will lift you up to the hands of our Father.

May His peace cover you.

-- Brandi

Caroline said...

Melissa,

I prayed for you this morning and I will continue to pray for you knowing that the days, weeks, and months ahead will be hard. I don't really think there is much I can say right now except how sorry I am. My sister miscarried two months ago, so its been hard to walk that road with her. I wish I could hug you right now. **HUG**

Lane Boyz Mom said...

Oh Sweetie, no need to feel embarrassed!! Just know that you have lots of people thinking about you and praying for you!! Take care!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I am so very, very sorry.
Your family is in my prayers.

KO said...

Melissa,
I am so sorry. I just gasped, then said "no,no,no.." to myself, to God, to you.

I want to agree with everyone that there is no need for embarrassment at all. No one would have thought that you were feeling that way if you hadn't brought it up. I will pray that God relieves that feeling from you.

I am so sorry, just so so sorry.

I will keep praying.

Elizabeth S. said...

Grace and peace be with you. My heart aches for you and you are in my prayers.

Tamara said...

So sorry...SOOO Sorry!

sarah said...

I am so so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

Breanne Vasquez said...

I am just so sorry. I know there are no words to make this better. I thought each time that this was it and I also felt embarrassed when had to say it wasn't. It is natural to feel that but I so wish that you didn't feel it or the pain. Just know we are praying for you and your family. Gods knows and he can handle all the emotions you have. I am sure you just want some silence but if you do ever need to talk I am here!

Me said...

We're praying tonight. So terribly sorry.

~H and S

~~Tonya~~ said...

So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

Deanna said...

When I saw the word "silence" on my blog roll I didn't want to click. I knew what you were going to say. My heart was in my toes. I have experienced that silence too. Awful. Heartbreaking. Unconsolable. Heartwrenching silence. I am sorry and I am grieving with you.

Z's Mom said...

Oh Melissa, I am so sorry. I'm silent too...because I can't find any words.....

Julie said...

I am so so so sorry. Just know that there are tons of people all over praying for you.

Psalm 13 is one of my favorites. It helped me alot through times just like this.

Praying for peace, strength and courage for you now,

Julie

~Trish~ said...

I am truly sorry for your loss...

Lynda said...

Please don't be embarassed by embracing joy and possibility.

God bless you and your family.

Melissa, you and your family are in so many prayers.

An affirmation for you:
God’s love is nourishing my soul and healing my body.

Simply AnonyMom said...

{{{HUG}}}

I am very sorry for your loss.

May peace find you and be with you.

Tiffany said...

I have no words, but I do have prayer and love coming your way.

Anonymous said...

I love you, David, and Remi and am soo sorry. I will continue to pray for you. Don't think I can say anthing else to make you feel better. I am here for you if you need anything.

Michelle

Leighann said...

No need for embarrassment. We rejoiced with you when you were rejoicing and we mourn with you as you now weep. Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to weep and now is certainly the time. I am praying for you still.

Mary Anna said...

I don't even know you, and my eyes have welled up with tears for you. May God grant you the peace you so sorely deserve during this very difficult time. (My SIL went through the same thing this week. It's been a sad one.)

Lisa said...

Oh no. I am so sorry. I have been there and it is one of the worst moments of life. I felt embarrassed for telling the few I had, but later was comforted (not much) that a few actually knew. It is complicated and painful. I'll just pray while you just stay under those covers as long as you need to. Again, I am so very sorry.

ann said...

I pray that you will let yourself sink and let yourself be caught by the One who comforts you and those He sends to hold you.

Wags said...

I'm echoing the comments of others when I say there are no words that could possibly make the ache and hurt subside... You and David just hold onto each other as you've done so many times before.

The thing is, God must think your womb an awfully special place to create such sweet babies that he chooses to take straight home to Himself.

Don't you dare be embarassed... you should never have to go through something like this alone! The Wagoner family is grieving with you all right now. Love you guys.

Lisa said...

I love you girl.... wish i was there.

Debbie said...

God is good. God is Faithful. God is in control. He will not leave or forsake you. Ever. I am praying for that supernatural peace that only comes from our creator to wash over you now...as you rest...as you mourn...

AND

You have no reason AT ALL to be embarrassed...so get rid of those thoughts NOW.

greedygrace said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am new to your blog, but I've been there and I have an idea of how you're feeling. I was devestated, humiliated, guilty, all of the above. Everyone said not to feel that way, but it didn't make the feelings go away.

I am here if you ever need to talk to a random stranger.

Deanna said...

Oh, Melissa. I read and I sank and I cried and then read what everyone wrote. There is no embarassment to be had. We shared in your joy and now we share in your sorrow - not truly knowing exactly what you're going through, but very willing to walk the dark shadowed valleys with you. We are your friends whether we've met face to face or not...we are your sisters in the family of Christ. Know that there are so many women with heads bowed, knees bent, and eyes closed asking for peace upon you as you traverse this time. The power of prayer in action - I hope you sleep a deep slumber this night.

Love from this side of the internet to you, AG, and Remi.

Heather said...

So, so sorry. Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family.

Cuddle Cottage said...

Melissa, I'm so sorry. God Bless, I'm sending you a big hug and saying a prayer for you and your loved ones tonight.

Insane Mama said...

So sorry, so very sorry. I heard those same words from the Dr. when I was pregnant with my would be second child. So I know the pain, I understand it. You should NOT feel embarrassed at all. It wasn't the babies time. It is NOT your fault.
My prayers are with you

CEU said...

Melissa & David, We are praying for your sweet family. I am so very sorry. We love you guys!
Christine
Isaiah 61:1-3
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [fn1]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.

lynn said...

So sorry for your loss. Sending prayers.

Anissa said...

Melissa you have nothing to be embarrassed about -- you are in my prayer tonight -- don't hold nothing in we are here for you blog, write, talk, cry, comment. I am so sorry for your loss.

Mommy said...

No adequate words for a post such as this. Just prayers for you and your family tonight. I am so sorry.

Evi said...

OH sweetheart...no need to be embarrassed, thank you for letting us all love the precious little one with you...we were blessed. As many others have already said we would not be able to send you this love if we hadn't known in the first place.
I don't know if this is too difficult but this early morning our favorite babysitter went to be with the Lord as well. She was 18. Fell asleep at the wheel.
She was our best babysitter...maybe she's holding yours at the feet of Jesus...

Karen said...

I'm so sorry, Melissa. My heart and prayers go out to you.

And why on earth would you feel embarrassed? There is no need to be, so please stop thinkng that!

I've been in that place, a number of times. Go easy on yourself and remember, there are plenty of hands to hold and shoulders to cry on, here in bloggy land...

*HUGS*

Lacey in the Sky said...

I am so sorry. I was thinking of you this morning stranger... and now I will sit in silence and think of you tonight. My heart goes out to you.

Sink as far as you need to sink, you know He is there to catch you.

Kristen Schiffman said...

I wish there was something...I could do.

I am praying. He is all I know to do...I'm asking you feel and taste more of Him in the coming days.

Kendrawolf said...

Oh, Melissa. I am hurting for you. I will be lifting you and your family up in prayer.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

stefanie said...

So, so sorry.

The comment box popped up right beside Psalms 30:11. It's your verse. Even though it may seem impossible now, I am praying that you will again experience His changing your lament and mourning to dancing days in custom made wildflower robes.

The Collins Family said...

Prayer for peace on their way up.

Ronnica said...

Saddened to hear your news.

When no words will do, I'll offer a hug.

(((((((HUG)))))))

Praying for you.

Brandi Exley said...

Melissa,
I am praying for you. He holds you in his hands and he loves you so much! Wow, to have so many lifting you up at one time. I pray that you feel his peace, his presence and his comfort. Much love and hugs!
Romans 8:26-28 We continue to pray!!

Lori said...

HUGS
You don't me...I don't know you, but through the world of blogging (and "Does anybody hear me") I heard your news and wanted to just send you a hug.

Octamom said...

Those same words were said to me a few years ago. I'm so sorry. Praying and thinking of you--

Leah said...

There is nothing to be embarrassed about! You have a great group of supportive blog friends that wanted this for you as much as you wanted it! I have shed some tears for you and lifted you up in prayer.

Big Nanny said...

I pray that you get some rest and some peace in that bed but I know that in a few days, you will come out praising your Savior all the day long.
The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When
they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue on honor them. (not embarrass) I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation. Ps 91:14-16
Love ya

Me said...

Prayed Psalm 143 over you this morning.

Amy Jo said...

Crying with you.
Praying for you.
No reason to be embarrassed, we celebrated with you and now we mourn with you also.

Peace and comfort to you.

Amy Jo

Sherri - KaysvilleMomma said...

Melissa --- I am sooooooo sorry. My heart is broken!!! Please don't be embarrassed!! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

twintoo10292 said...

So sorry...just found your blog a few days ago and love it. No reason to be embarrassed...just sad. Sorry for your loss. Twin

Kelley said...

No words.

Just these: I prayed for you today (and yesterday too)

Melisa@andbabywillmake4 said...

((HUGS)) and ((PRAYERS))

Kerri (AKA Annelle) said...

When your ready, your Steel Magnolias will be there...

Love you and haven't stopped praying for you since I heard.
Kerri

Andrea said...

Melissa, I just found you through another blogging friend. Know I am praying for you - I am so sorry.

Robin said...

Don't feel embarrassed. Look at the love you have created by sharing your life with us. I pray for peace for you and for your heart not to hurt so much.

Angela said...

Oh no, no no! Melissa, I am SO very sorry to hear this. I'm crying with you :-(((((( I will continue to keep you in my prayers and ask that Jesus bring you the comfort and peace that only He can. Love and hugs (and continued prayers)

LauraLee Shaw said...

I just prayed. And will continue to.

Michelle said...

I am so, so sorry to read this. I will pray that God gives you strength as you work through this heartache and loss.

Trish said...

Still praying.......

Much Love,
Trish

Mommy Cracked said...

No! No! No!!!!

I am so sorry. You are in my prayers.

Glyndon said...

I know words won't help at all. You still have my prayers. Daily.

Anonymous said...

Love you,

Michelle

Rae said...

Sometimes silence is all the heart can speak. While you are silent we will cry out in prayer and support for you.

Bella's momma said...

In this life we sometimes never know the reasons why things happen. But thankfully we know the One who does. I ask Him to please give you comfort and peace at this time.

Thank you for being so brave every step of the way, from your first post seeking prayer to this post~ thank you!

Hugs~

Krista

Trish said...

don't be embarrased...
sending hugs your way...
my heart aches for you!

John Deere Mom said...

Oh, no.
Please don't feel embarrassed. So sorry you are having to go through this.

Julie said...

Take time, be sad, grieve.. but do not be embarrassed opening up you heart and sharing your news is nothing to be embarrassed about - it makes you human...
God Bless you, Remi and the AG..

Tracy said...

No embarrassment mama... peace be with you good lady. Things will be ok, step by long step. I have you in my thoughts.

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I have tears in my eyes, after reading your post. I know there are no words. So, I will lift up prayers for you and your husband.

Connie said...

I'm so sorry, Melissa. No words could express how we are all feeling for you at this time. Praying that God's peace washes over you and envelops you in his loving mercy.

Anonymous said...

I pray that you are given exactly what you need throughout this time. I know it is probably different from day to day or even minute to minute.

God Bless.

Maria Diane said...

I randomly found your blog, but now I realize it isn't random at all.

I'm praying for you.

ugagirl30 said...

Prayer. That is all that I can do and all that you can do. I'm so sorry that you are going through this again. You have endured so much pain, and I hate that you are enduring it again. Use your family and friends to support you. Prayer.

Deanna said...

Still praying.

Jaci said...

I'm so sorry for your family. I don't really know what else to say other than I'm really and truly sorry to hear that.

Rhonda said...

Oh, Melissa! I am so, so sorry!

Perksofbeingme said...

I'm praying for you.

Perksofbeingme said...

I'm praying for you.

Kimberly said...

I'm so sorry. I hope the silence gives you some peace. I'll pray for you.

Me said...

I will continue to pray for you, for peace. I am so very sorry and cannot imagine the heartbreak you're feeling.

Joanne Sher said...

I don't know what else to say except that I am praying for you.

wy-not said...

From thousands of miles away, my heart is crying 'no! no! no!' We shared your joy, Melissa, and now we share in this sorrow. Praying for your peace and comfort in the close embrace of your family and your friends.

The Rivers Family said...

I have no words - just prayers.

Jenny and the Princess Peonies said...

(((((((hug and shoulder)))))))

Gramma 2 Many said...

I have not been over to visit with you for a few days. Thought I would pop in tonight. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. I am so sorry.
I know you will find strength and solace in your faith. Remember He is always faithful and His ways are not our ways.
Your heart will beat again. I know, mine did.

Anonymous said...

Still praying for you. XXOO to you, David and Remi. Give My Mal and Aunt Net a hug and kiss for me. My thoughts and prayer are always with you.

Michelle

Givinya De Elba said...

I am so sorry. So very sorry. Please don't feel embarrassed. Thankyou for sharing with us all.

kelliinreallife said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I do not claim to know exactly how you feel, but I can tell you that I experienced the same thing this past March. When the doctor told me that I felt like "life" left my body.

I may not know you, but I care about you. I know how excited you were, and how devastated you must be.

I pray that God's peace will comfort you.

I will pray this daily for you.

Rose said...

Love you and am praying for you guys.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Oh honey... how in the world did I miss this. I'm just aching for you and I don't at all have the right words.

Shannon said...

I'm late here, reading about your loss...and I'm sure it's still very new to you.

I know those feelings of heartache and embarrassment...and embarrassment is the last thing anyone should be feeling right now, but it's there, isn't it? Don't be...know that there are many people keeping you in their prayers.

Remember that He has been there...rely on Him and He will give you peace.

Love to you girlie!1

2- Sweet Boutique said...

Melissa,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little one...I'm sure our babies are together in heaven though..as I just got the same news a week before you. I know you don't know me..but I will be praying for you... if you ever feel the need to talk... just visit my blog and leave a message.

Hugs to you,
Jackie