Apr 15, 2008

Beth Moore ain't got nothin' on....oh, who am I kidding?

So in just a few short weeks I will go speak at a church in St. Louis, MO. I'm thrilled about it. I really am. I get all excited just thinking about it.

I also get scared.

And nervous.

A little bit sick to my stomach.

And then I run to the bathroom.


And like any woman I start to second guess myself and tell myself all sorts of things, like, "they meant to ask Kate Watkins but got my phone number confused with hers," or "they are probably excited to have me because sometimes being 7th on the list of desired speakers really does pay off in the end."

Then I get super duper fleshly and I start saying stuff like, "what if my bangs grow out to that length where getting them cut right before I go makes them too short but not getting them cut makes them hang in my face and nobody likes to stare at that," or "what if my crown pops off in the plane on the way there and I am miserable all weekend long?" (Suffice it to say I have had no problems with any of my crowns in almost 3 years but it's something to obsess over and I prefer to do that.)

I also think, "Isn't Joyce Meyer from St. Louis, Missouri? Oh that's just great. So they've probably heard her a million times. That's it - I'm doomed."

Once I even thought, "Haven't these women read Believing God?? I can't top that."

Then I remembered I'm not supposed to. Thankfully.

And I remembered that when I was nine years old I gladly gave the Lord total control over my heart and my life. And the ride He has taken me on has proven to be long, windy and really really difficult. But totally and completely worth it. And I remembered that I accepted the challenge to serve Him in any way I could. And I meant it. And here He is - taking me up on it. That's just like Him, isn't it?

And over these past few years I have had really terrible difficult excruciating lessons to learn. And I've tried really hard to learn each lesson to it's fullest so that in the end He will be glorified. I haven't always succeeded, but I've tried.

I've tried to learn courage when I admit that fear (and running away) comes much more easily.
And I've tried to learn how to say "no" when saying "yes" is easier and makes people like you more.
And on that note - I've had to learn how making people like you is really hard when your are anyone other than yourself.
And I've learned how to step back, sit down, and shut up. Okay, okay, I'm still working on this one -but it's coming along rather nicely. He's making sure of that.
I've had to learn that when He gives, He oftentimes takes away. But He rarely ever does it without showing you a really really precious side to Himself.
And I am currently in the process of learning that forgiveness isn't easy, isn't fun but is required. Period.

And I'm learning that who He calls He equips.

So here I come St. Louis! Oh, I'll be packing some temporary glue for these teeth - better to be safe than sorry - but I'm coming. You can count on it!

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