Nov 2, 2007

Just something I was thinking about.

So, today I will try something new. I will try to write something that is a little personal to me. Something that "hits home, " if you will. I write funny little nothings all the time on this blog. And then go to bed filling up my journal with the personal stuff. Today I will try to write the real stuff down here.

I will give it 12 hours. And if after 12 hours I still feel horrendously naked and like the whole world is "looking at my business" then I will hit that little erase button and only me and probably one other person will ever even know that it existed.

At this moment I am sitting on my front porch. It looks so beautiful. David let me buy two big, fat pumpkins and two huge mums. And I say "let" because I didn't ask the price on them, I just took them to the register and then when I saw that they were over the price we had mutually agreed on in the car he let me get them anyway. Because there were people behind us in line and he knows that embarrasses me to have to say, "uh...never mind." He's good like that.

I also have a little scarecrow that my mom bought for me. Even though she's in Texas. The scarecrow was made possible by a thoughtful card reminding me how proud she was of me (why, I have no idea) and some money to "go buy something pretty for your house." She's good like that.

I am sitting on my lovely black wicker furniture that I got for my very first Mother's Day. A day that I had honestly decided would never happen for me. I had spent the last three Mother's Days in Atlanta. GA. It always falls on a Sunday and if you go to church and you are not a mother you must sit there as they have all the mother's stand and they applaud them. They applaud them for doing a job that you are unable to do. And as you look at them you wonder for a moment how much of a "woman" you really are. Because you should be able to do that very thing that all woman are designed to do, but you can't. And it is a blatant reminder on that day. That sad day.
This year I, too, stood and was applauded. But I felt torn. I looked around at this solidarity of sisters that I stood beside. Yes, we were in this thing together! We looked around and gave each other an invisible wink that said "yeah - we know what diapers are, we know what vomit looks like at 1 am, keep clapping men, keep clapping." But I had to look at my other sisters. Those who want desperately to stand up but can't. And my body yelled STAND! But my heart yelled SIT! So instead I just cried.
And yet, here I sit on my lovely porch furniture because this Mother's Day came around and I got to stay home.

My neighborhood looks so precious at this time of day. I hear a few birds and I hear my sweet ol' dogs bark occasionally at a low-flying bird or a fast moving squirrel. I live in the most All-American neighborhood in the world and out of the corner of my eye I see our American flag waving in the breeze. Aaaahhhh...

I listen closely for my little miracle to wake-up from her three hour nap. She is the best sleeper ever in the world, and when she wakes up she always does so with a grin from ear to ear. Give her some milk and a ba"nana" and all is right in her world. That time should come any minute now, so I should hurry.

And as I sit here typing I have beside me my pawpaw's Bible. The one he studied with so much he had to wrap the sides in masking tape. And I have it here in case I get an inkling to look something up. Because for some reason, when you look up something in that Bible it just seems to come easier. The looking for it, the reading it, the understanding it. It all comes to me more clearly when I am holding his Bible. And I am thinking about this heritage he left me. And how my love for this book and those words are due in large part to him. To the life he lived.

And I say all of this to say that as I look around I am reminded of the faithfulness of God. And that is what today is all about. I needed a gentle reminder of His faithfulness. His goodness.

My wish is that all of us could look around and see little reminders of God's faithfulness in our lives. I hope you are able to do that. But a responsibility comes with it.

For if you can look around and underneath all that laundry on your sofa you see that piece of furniture you begged your husband for and he finally relented and got it for you...

Or if you look in that kitchen and see a meal cooking on the stove and know that three months ago you didn't know how you all would even afford to pay bills much less get groceries...

If you are standing by a mirror and you can look in it to see your reflection when a year ago cancer said you wouldn't...

If you can barely read a sentence at a time because something little with sticky hands and a chocolaty face keeps running around screaming your name...

Or if you know you have to hurry because your husband will be home from work any minute and tonight is movie night, when a year ago you weren't sure you would spend another day together...

Then you have seen, been privy to, and been a recipient of - God's faithfulness.

Now here's the key. Here's what we do when we are reminded.
Here's what I did when my mom sent me that money.
Here's what I did when I first sat down on my wicker furniture.
Here's what I did when David loaded those pumpkins in the car for me.
And here's what I do almost every time I see little Remi.

I say, "Thank you."

So repeat after me, "Thank you. I love it. It was just what I wanted. You know me so well. You always make me happy. Thank you."

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I love this place! Your encouragement is ... perfectly you!

I invited those who come to my little cyberspace corner of the world to visit this awesome place where we can all experience some good ole' "stretch marks!"

Keep stretching our faith, sister!
lisa cronk