Aaahhhh...the Fascination

So here's the deal. Since my last blog I have been inundated (yes, that's inundated) with questions regarding my penchant for lying. Apparently I wrote something about my unsavory ability at the tail end of my last entry. However, I didn't write that. Someone else must have.

What I am now going to do is tell you truth from lie. Help you decipher fact from fiction. I will give you a statement. You determine whether or not it is true. The real answer will follow.

Let's begin.

David Radke was my first kiss.

True. I did have one other kiss but it was gross, I was young, and so I don't count it. Besides, he is now living an alternative lifestyle so it most assuredly does not count.

When I was 13 I had a heart condition.

False. Though I must admit this is a tricky one. You see, I have been in perfect health my whole life so I did not knowingly have a physical heart defect. I was, however, insanely in love with Joey McIntyre from the New Kids on the Block and in all my journaling, poetry and love songs - that was oft referred to as a "heart condition."

I was in love with Joey McIntyre when I was 13.

False. Don't believe everything you read. I was 16.

I spent an afternoon swimming with Monica Lewinsky when I was very young.

True. If you know me at all you know this is my big "claim to fame." I was young, as was she. But I remember it well so don't try to tell me it didn't happen (MOM!)

If spending an afternoon swimming with Monica Lewinsky is my big claim to fame then I really need to get a life.

True.

My best friend once drank all ten of my freshly cut toenails.

True. I put them in her Coke and she had no idea.

My first job was at a fast food Chicken restaurant.

True. Grandy's. I hate, loathed and despised it.

I quit my first job when I got a new hair cut and the mandatory visor no longer looked good on me.

False. That is the reason I gave my parents as to why I should quit. They didn't buy it.

My dad parked across the street from Grandy's and spied on me my whole first week at my new job.

True. He would pull up an hour after I got there and then follow me home. He wanted to make sure everything was alright. My mom eventually convinced him it was creepy.

The girls posted in the blog section "Golden Girls" are indeed real girls, who are really my friends and not just a picture I "pasted on my blog".

True. They do, indeed, exist. Although I am a big, fat liar I am not so pathetic as to have to download some strangers to paste onto my blog. But thanks to Debbie and Becky for thinking that was the case. Shout out to you, girls!!

My favorite food is chili-cheese dogs.

True. I could eat them five nights a week.

I loved the movie Top Gun when I was a teenager.

False. I just saw Top Gun for the first time about a year ago. It was alright. (I have also never seen Raising Arizona, the Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles or Dirty Dancing.)

When my mom, my aunt, my cousin and myself sang Southern Gospel my dad once referred to us as the Dixie Chunks for a whole year.

True. The Dixie Chicks were in their prime and I suppose he thought we looked, well, nothing like them.

I once tried to sneak out of the house in high school but I couldn't because my mom would never go to sleep.

True. Eventually I got too tired and just went to bed. She told me it was because the "Lord wouldn't let her go to sleep." He and my mom were always close and it used to really make me angry.

Now, listen. I realize that telling fact from fiction in my world is a little hard. So here are the rules. Just assume everything I say is true. Besides, my mom says I am not a liar. Just an "exagerator." And people, there's a big difference. There's a reason why this is called STRETCH Marks. Sheesh.