Feb 2, 2011

The Enemy of Union.

She told me, "I'm going through a divorce. A terrible divorce."

And exactly 48 hours later I was still asking myself, "Am I dreaming?" "Did she really just say that to me?" "Am I sure I was talking to her or did I just create this fantasy world in my head?"

So I asked her again.

And she told me again. "We're getting a divorce."

And that was when I began to put thought to the words. I began to think, aloud, all of the things that were going through my head. And I went to my husband and I sunk down in front of him and asked him to remind me why really crappy things happen to really special people.

I didn't take her news so hard because it was HER. Though, if you knew her and loved her like I do, you might have wanted to scream a little (as I did). And it wasn't because I thought she was immune to anything that the rest of us mere mortals must deal with. It wasn't because she hid a breaking heart so enviably. Or because when she cried her mascara never ran...

It was just because the news - "divorce" - is all too common. Its as common as having the flu; only with consequences a mile long. With the flu you are down, but you get up and eventually your body carries on. With a divorce, you are down and it wreaks its havoc on the whole family. Everyone suffers. No one is immune.

And I thought about my own marriage. I thought about how I want to run away sometime just so he'll have to empty the dishwasher. I thought about how if someone held a magnifying glass up to it they might see all sorts of holes filled with putty and rag-tag patches holding seems together. But that at a distance it is quite lovely and certainly fun. Just like yours, probably. Pretty on the outside. Weathered on the in.

Mine is mis-matched but lovely.
It is worn, but fits perfectly.
It might be shabby, but its mine.
Look closely at our seams, you'll see they've been stretched, but never faltered.

So what, then, is the difference in her marriage and mine?
My marriage and yours?
Your marriage and your neighbors?

Not much, really. Both are sought after, day after day, minute after minute, by an enemy intent on our demise. Sometimes its not the dishwashers that need emptying - its the bushes. For Satan lies wait in them, seeking whom he may devour. His goal is only the marriage; kill that, and he gets all that dies with it.

Anyone feel like puttying up some holes, today?

Patching up some tears?

Protecting some valuables?


Katherine said...

Well said, Melissa! We need to be vigilant about our marriage AND remember to have fun amid the storms. I'm sorry for your friend.

Shae said...

Preach it, Sista! Amen! I love ALL of my marriage's patches & stretched seams.

StitchinByTheLake said...

Absolutely wonderful post Melissa. After 46 years of marriage I can safely say we're both too stubborn to leave. :) Or to let Satan have his way because we both want our way! Satan tried, oh how he tried. We hung on by our fingernails. But we hung on and we both thank God today that we did because it's only by His grace that we were able to make it. We adore each other but there are days I don't like him and there are days he doesn't like me. We just wait through those days and the adoring days come back every time. blessings, marlene

Sissy said...

I have had this very same conversation with someone and wondered what made my marriage different from hers. We've been through some tough things and come out the other side stronger, I think. But some couples break in those stretched moments. I don't know what makes people decide to throw in the towel instead of fight for their marriage. And I hope I never know. I love my man so much!

Rachel said...

I love the way you said it in this post. Very nice imagery. You are so talented with words.

Shonya said...

Good post--never stop working at it.

IRW Dana said...

Life has a way of taking you to places you didn't see coming and you never wanted to walk thru. We feel the pain of your friend and you. The terrible pain that no body wants or asks for. Our son went thru this last year. A divorce he didn't want, he didn't ask for, he is still trying to recover from. You are so right in the fact that it affects the whole family. It's a very dark and painful time for everyone.
I posted a little bit of our pain, you can read it here if you like. http://irwdanataft.blogspot.com/2010/07/life.html
Many many prayers are needed and yet a little of the pain remains. Praying for your friend.

katie said...

ive lurked (is that the creepy internetty blog term they use?) for awhile, but just had to finally comment. it straight up sucks when that beast gets a foothold in a preciously imperfect union. i will be praying for your friend, fully believing that healing and restoration and big fat changes of heart that result in reconciliation are possible. thank God. thoroughly enjoy your posts...and am equally skeptical of anyone that scrapbooks and the buttercream icing? yeah, its not just for breakfast anymore.