Feb 28, 2011

Doubting Thomas.

I don't usually type my posts on the morning of. I type them a day ahead and if I'm really doing good, a week ahead.

Not today.

Today I am typing a post that will go up seconds after I'm done with it. I'm that behind. Because its been that kind of weekend. The kind where you never stop, not once. The kind where every moment is filled with something, or someone, or some situation. The kind that makes you actually look forward to Monday.

Yeah, that kind of weekend.

So today, as I sit on my couch and my house is quiet I think about what it is I want to say. As much I would like to take credit for the wording that I am about to use I suppose I should let the writer of The Message Bible do that. He translates the words, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!" into words that resonate truer with me.

Look for yourself...


(Mark 9: 14-24)
When they came back down the mountain to the other disciples, they saw a huge crowd around them, and the religion scholars cross-examining them. As soon as the people in the crowd saw Jesus, admiring excitement stirred them. They ran and greeted him. He asked, "What's going on? What's all the commotion?"

A man out of the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought my mute son, made speechless by a demon, to you. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and goes stiff as a board. I told your disciples, hoping they could deliver him, but they couldn't."

Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring the boy here." They brought him. When the demon saw Jesus, it threw the boy into a seizure, causing him to writhe on the ground and foam at the mouth.

He asked the boy's father, "How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since he was a little boy. Many times it pitches him into fire or the river to do away with him. IF you can do anything, do it. Have a heart and help us!"

Jesus said, "IF? There are no 'IFS' among believers. Anything can happen."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!"


"Then I believe. Help me with my doubts."

Something about these words resonate in my spirit this morning. Its as if I'm saying...

"Yes! Yes, okay? I believe. I believe. I've always believed in You. And who You are, God. And what all You can do. But that doesn't mean that I don't DOUBT. That I don't doubt that who You are - might not be who I need. Or that I don't doubt that what You can do - might not exactly be what I want. Or that I don't doubt that what you've done before - You will actually do for me. So yes, I believe. But excuse me if I still have my doubts."

So this morning, from the coziness of my couch, I will wrestle with my doubts. And I will recognize the normalcy of having them, for we all do. And then, after I've done so, after I've wrestled with them, and laid in them and wallered around in them and journaled about them and confessed them - I will lay them down. All the doubting. And I will pick up faith.

Because although the part that I identify most closely with this morning is the father and his doubts, the part I actually like the best is Jesus' comment, "IF? There are no "IFS" among believers. Anything can happen."

And anything can happen.

If we tell him we're doubtful.

He loves brutal honesty.

What is you want to say to Him this morning? Of course you believe, but what is it your doubtful of? Be honest. Because anything can happen.


Austin & Amanda Wallis said...

Wonderfully said, and I believe through your doubts and concerns God spoke to me specifically.

My husband left for Afghanistan last week. I feel like I'm a bad wife and a bad follower if I admit that I doubt and worry about things that are so far beyond my control - but I do.

And that scripture was just what I needed. Thank you.

Gail said...

Boy do I need help with my doubts. I do believe that God CAN do anything! But my doubts are that
He WILL do what I have been praying for for so long.

Lord Help me with my doubts.

Heather said...

How is that you know exactly what I need to read every time you write? Sometimes I need to laugh, and sometimes I need to cry. And sometimes I need to see the sweetness that are our children (especially after a very hard day with my 2 boys).
And sometimes, like today I need to be reminded about what is important. That I need to sit and listen for a little while and talk a little while to He who gives me strength. Once again, thank you so much! I am off to confess my doubts.

Andi said...

I doubt my relationship with my brother will ever be as deep as I would like because I doubt he will ever...OH, it's too detailed to go on about. But my relationship with him has always been a source of doubt.

Jill @ Live Laugh Blog said...

My brother passed away a few months ago (November 11) and my mom's pastor told the story of Thomas at his funeral. My brother was saved as a young boy (7) and was raised in church as I was. When my brother was around late middle school or high school he started to refuse to go to church... after much battle, my mom finally gave in and let him stay home (my dad did not go because of health reasons, but his staying home encouraged my older brother and sister to stay as well). Anyways, my brother for the past 15 years or so has questioned his faith in God. Not only question it but has denied it before...

The pastor talked about how my brother was standing in the presence of Jesus Himself and then KNEW how wrong he had been about his disbelief. Praise the Lord that when my brother gave his heart to God - God never gave it back!

We can have assurance that my brother is now daily in the presence of Christ and His Unbelief has been cured forever.

Sorry to hijack! But just reading your post brought me to tears and I just felt led to share.