Feb 22, 2011

Death Where Is Thy Sting? Oh, Wait...There It Is. (Bachelor Recap)

Let's take a quiz.

You're a man.

You're charming and handsome, rugged and Texan. You enjoy good food and loud music. You like to have fun and eat barbecue. When you go on a date, do you...
a. Go to a small town diner and taste the local flavor.
b. Picnic in the park, fly a kite, make dinner - at home - with your date.
c. Enjoy nice conversation, red wine and family bonding.
d. Pretend to be dead and imagine yourself being thrown into a raging furnace.

How did you do? Wanna try another one?

You're (still) a man.

You have four dates to go on with four very lovely women. You are excited for all of them because...
a. You get to meet their family and see if you mesh well with them.
b. You get to see the town they grew up in and learn more about them.
c. You enjoy seeing a different, more intimate side of each of them and feel a certain comfort level with them.
d. You get to lay perfectly still while someone pretends to drain you of your natural juices.

You did better on that one, didn't you?

Ya know, there are just some things you shouldn't do on a date. I, personally, don't recommend fairly obvious things like: throwing up, calling him by the wrong name or telling him you voted for Clinton (I'm kidding, y'all). But one would think that at some point in Mausoleum's life someone told her, "Honey, you are so beautiful. You are naturally gorgeous and women would kill for your legs. You really shouldn't bring a date to a funeral home, show him how to cremate people and ask him to pick out the crypt he wants to spend eternity in."

But that's just me. And I didn't date much. So maybe I was doing it all wrong.

But last nights Bachelor was anything but a shocker. All eight of us knew who was going home even before he handed out that last rose. So there was no screaming, no shrieking, no throwing things at the t.v. Just a lot of "I saw that comin'" or "well, what did she expect?" going around.

Next week he takes the last three of them to South Africa where I'm hoping (fingers crossed) that The Dentist gets lost in the jungle, My-Daddy-Owns-A-Car-Lot stands to close to a croc and the Bachelor and Emily decide to get married on top of an elephant. Which might sound completely ridiculous and crazy, but, my lovelies, this is The Bachelor. And I assure you...stranger things have happened.


Kim Little said...

Thanks, Melissa...I'm now HOOKED on the show and I find myself screaming at the TV.... :)

Andrea said...

I always read your blog, but I SO look forward to these Bachelor re-caps. Poor Enbalmer is so oblivious. She said, "I didn't see that coming." Really? When the blood drained from his face WITHOUT your instruments you didn't see a red flag? He he. Ohhh dear what will I look forward to when Bachelor is over?

Amy said...

I agree. I do wish he hadnt chosen to say to her "I just didnt feel like a man should feel when a woman tells him she loves him." Was that necessary??

So glad Emily is still there. ABC made her date look like a disaster on the preview.

Ashley is not my favorite. Id actually rather him marry 'my daddy owns a car lot'.

Melissa Lee said...

Andrea, I said the exact same thing..."all the color has drained from his face!" how funny that you noticed it. And I noticed it. But she DIDN'T notice it.


Austin & Amanda Wallis said...

you aren't kidding about those legs. I was staring at them in envy every time she was on the screen. and she knows how to dress to accent them for sure.

oh, and the elephant wedding sounds fab.

Vickie said...

THat mausoleum date was a husband-killer for sure (pun intended). We all knew where that was going.

I pick Emily and Ricki. Ready-made family. Emily has the most sense and she seems the more mature of the three.

Kelly said...

I mentioned on my blog today that I love watching The Bachelor and one of my readers referred me to your blog. Thanks for the laugh. I must say I am addicted to the show. (Didn't say that part on my blog, so don't tell. LOL) Brad treats Emily totally different than all the other girls. He would have NEVER taken her on the date with the SI swimsuit edition photographers. He wouldn't want his future wife exposing herself like that. All the way through the show he has chosen class for Emily and I just know she has to be the one. I will be screaming at the tv if he doesn't pick her. I was screaming every week until Michelle went home. UGH..that girl. Okay, sorry. I am sounding crazy now. I really do need a life. LOL

I will be sure to come back over next Tuesday. :)

Amanda said...

I just found this and had to share it with you. It's a blog from Chris Harrison. You get all the behind the scenes scoop. FUN! http://popwatch.ew.com/2011/02/15/chris-harrison-the-bachelor-episode-7-blog/