Jan 6, 2011

Put This In Your GPS and Smoke It.

Because yesterday's post brought many tears and heavy sighs, I thought it best to lighten the mood. Really, really lighten it.

And if you want to lighten the mood around here, who do we call on? You guessed it......my mom and my Granny.

So now you have been invited to eavesdrop on a conversation that I recently heard held between these two women. None of the following statements have been embellished in any way (as I was sitting on the couch laughing my head off at them for the entirety of the conversation) however, certain names have been changed to protect the innocent.


Granny: Annette, I wish you would tell me where their new house is.

Mom: I can tell you right where its at. Do you remember the Hall girl?

Granny: No, but I know her mother.

Mom: How do you know her mother if you don't even know who I'm talking about?

Granny: Because I don't know her as Hall I know her as Welch.

Mom: She didn't marry a Welch.

Granny: She did the first time!

Mom: Oh, that's right. Well, now she's a Hall. Do you know where she lives?

Granny: No, but I know where her mother lives.

Mom: Well, that ain't no help to anybody. Forget about her mother. (Sigh) Do you know where the Curtis' live?

Granny: Yes, but I don't think they are there anymore.

Mom: Where are they?

Granny: On Grove. They had to get away from her husband.

Mom: You remember you used to always say he was a skunk.

Granny: He is a skunk! I was right. Which is why she had to move away from him to Grove street.

Mom: Well, if you go by the old Curtis' house and you take that down to the end of the road...

Granny: By Marvelene's?

Mom: Yes, by Marvelene and Melvin's.

Granny: Marvelene don't live with Melvin anymore. Where have you been?

Mom: Apparently on Grove street!

Granny: Marveleve quit paying his bills and apparently he left. Cause he's a baby, ya know?

Mom: I do know. You tried to tell her that for a hundred years.

Granny: Yes, I did. I can spot skunks and babies. By the way, I made you some dinner tonight since you've been sick.

Mom: Mother, I haven't been sick for over a week.

Granny: Fine. Then don't eat it.

Mom: No, I'll eat it. A good pot of beans shouldn't ever go to waste.

Granny: Are you gonna tell me what to do once I get to the end of the road?

Mom: You turn left.

Granny: By the old Classic Chevrolet place?

Mom: Classic Chevrolet? I don't know, I just know that its down there on the left by the Morris' place.

Granny: They died 15 years ago, Annette!

Mom: All of 'em? The whole family? They all just died?

Granny: No, just the momma.

Mom: So none of them still live there?

Granny: Maybe the son, but he likes drugs.

Mom: Hmmm. I didn't know that. Well, turn left by the Morris' old place....

Granny: If your not gonna eat those beans give them to your brother. Even though he told me he'd come see me today and he chose to go to sleep. Bum!

Mom: Well, mom, he works a night shift. Give him a break.

Granny: I guess I'm never gonna get to see this house. You've been trying to tell me for 20 minutes.

Mom: Do you want me to just drive you there?

Granny: No, I don't have time.

Mom: What else do you have to do?

Granny: I have to defrost the freezer.

Mom: Oh, so you're swamped!

Granny: Very.


Why did I share this little scavenger hunt with you? I don't know. I guess I just felt like it was unfair of me to partake in all this hilarity and not share it with my friends. You are all very, very welcome.

If you should take away anything at all from this it would be this: when lost, find a GPS. And by "GPS" I mean, Granny's Personal Sayings. Imagine her voice on your GPS system, "You could turn right here but you might see that skunk selling drugs out of his dead mommas home. So I'd turn left."

They'd be flying off the shelves!


katy said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Love it! Everytime you post about your family's conversations, I can soooo realte. Sounds a lot like my family...I just love it! What an awesome family you have. Thanks for the laugh :)

Rachel said...

Love this! great post.

Genie Marie said...

I would buy that GPS in a heart beat...your family rocks:)

Teresa said...

Oh goodness, that is so funny! Your family is hilarious. How lucky you are to have them in your life sharing these moments with you.

Karen F said...

I loved it! Made me laugh

Mommy's Moments

BTW ~ I'm a new follower!

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I just want to be a fly on their wall!