Jul 19, 2010

What You Might Have Heard Had You Been A Fly On The Wall...

So Remi has been sick all weekend. Which I am just going to tell ya, is NO FUN for me. And though she has been pretty pitiful that is still no reason for her to watch the TBS version of Big Momma's House 2 and then continually refer to me as Big Momma. I hate TBS.

So here are a couple of things the Attorney General and I heard being said in our home as Remi was under our watchful eye. You may be wondering where Rocco was, so are we. Either he's being a really good boy or he vanished three days ago and we've yet to notice; Remi can command an audience when she's sick, I'm not gonna lie. So wish us luck, won't you? My plan was to enroll Remi in the First Christian Church's preschool VBS this week. Which goes to prove the long-held belief that those First Christian's really know how to pray. I can only think this was their doing.

Me: Baby, what would make you feel better?

Remi: If Santa Claus would come tonight.


Me: If you're good at the doctor's office. I'll get you a surprise.

Remi: What kind of surprise?

Me: Whatever you want. A milkshake or a coloring book or a Sonic drink or a little toy.

Remi: What do you get if your good?

Me: I get a surprise too.

Remi: But just like last time we can't have one bite can we?

Me: Right. Same rules apply.


Remi: Mama, do rice krispy treats make you better?

Me: Uhhhhhhhhh....yeah....kinda.


Me: Honey, will you get me some more tea?

AG: I have filled up your glass, ironed your shirt, vacuumed the floor and bathed the kids. Why exactly am I tending to you?

Me: Because Remi is sick. And when she's sick I tend to her and you tend to me.

AG: And who tends to me?

Me: Take it up with the Big Guy.


Me: Remi, when we get to the doctor's office we will not be seeing Dr. G. He is not there today. He must be out of town.

Remi: Does he not know I'm coming?

(20 minutes later)

Remi: (to the nurse) Is Dr. G here?

Nurse: No, he is not here today.

Remi: Well, give me a phone and let me call him. I know his daughter.

Nurse: Well, I don't think we should bother him - he might be with his daughter.

Remi: I know. So do you have a phone?

Nurse: I do, but let's give him the day off, whaddayasay?

Remi: I say okay.

(Nurse walks out.)

Remi: And I say "RUDE!"


After our doctor's visit...

Remi: So mama when I get home can I still have a cookie and another rice krispy treat?

Me: Remi, why don't you finish your Snickers first. And no, after that you need to have something good.

Remi: This is good.

Me: I know it's good. But I mean you need to have something good for you - not bad.

Remi: This is bad for me?

Me: Yep.

Remi: Will it make me have bad faces and talk bad?

Me: No, it's not bad like that it's....

Remi: Then I'm eatin' it.


Sissy said...

The funniest part of all this is that I know those conversations went exactly like that! You made me smile, no doubt about that.

Givinya De Elba said...

Oh Remi Hope you are hi-LAR-ious!

You remind me of my two oldest kids:

(1) the three-year old who was scandalised upon hearing her brother say "USB" and shouted at him, "I'm NOT! You're SB!!"


(2) the five year old who was telling me about Gladwrap, Meshach and Abednego.

(Gladwrap is a brand of clingfilm. Do you have it there?)

J. Henry said...

"And I say RUDE!!!" Seriously!???? Remi is hilarious!!

Melissa Lee said...

Yes, girl! We have GLADWRAP!! And that quote is priceless.

Candice said...

Hahahahahahahaha!!! I LOVE that child!