Not Possible.

I can't do it.

I want to do it, don't get me wrong. But I can't. I just cannot bore you with pictures of my beach vacation. If I do, then I would have turned into Estelle Costanza for sure and I would be that woman who thinks everyone and their dog are interested in her trip to Amish country and the day she made the butter.

I just can't do it.

You can thank me later.

Just suffice it to say that the trip was wonderful. Rosemary Beach is really beautiful and I felt very "athletic" and "fit" whenever I would hop on my bike and ride down to the Sugar Shack and get some ice cream. (I use air quotes whenever I am a.) lieing or b.) perfecting the sport of extreme exaggerating.)

I had a wonderful time with my family and was, on a serious note, reminded again and again how utterly faithful God is to me when I am utterly ruthless without Him. At some point this week, between the beach chairs and the sunshine, between the mahi mahi and the jumbo shrimp, I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I was worthy of any of this.

I am a stay-at-home mom. I work hard when it comes to my home and my children (as they are not always an easy bunch to please), but there were moments this week when I felt sincere guilt for the position I found myself in. (Which was a reclining one, I will admit.) I wondered if I had done enough to be there. I thought about our friends in New York city who are raising their kiddos in a 300 square foot apartment with some concrete as a backyard all for the sake of ministering to the inner city. I thought about Sumer and how she is leaving a two story home and her husbands tenure to touch those who have never been touched. And I thought about my week, my world, my unfaithfulness to even the smallest things. And my laziness to almost everything else.

And so every once in a while I suppose I get all serious. I hope you will forgive.

It was just that, at one point, as I stared at the ocean...and how far it stretched....I thought about how much He had done for me and how limitless He was, in all things. And then I thought about how little I have done for Him recently, how limited I was. And I became ashamed and embarrassed.

And I felt incredibly small.