Mar 23, 2010

Not Possible.

I can't do it.

I want to do it, don't get me wrong. But I can't. I just cannot bore you with pictures of my beach vacation. If I do, then I would have turned into Estelle Costanza for sure and I would be that woman who thinks everyone and their dog are interested in her trip to Amish country and the day she made the butter.

I just can't do it.

You can thank me later.

Just suffice it to say that the trip was wonderful. Rosemary Beach is really beautiful and I felt very "athletic" and "fit" whenever I would hop on my bike and ride down to the Sugar Shack and get some ice cream. (I use air quotes whenever I am a.) lieing or b.) perfecting the sport of extreme exaggerating.)

I had a wonderful time with my family and was, on a serious note, reminded again and again how utterly faithful God is to me when I am utterly ruthless without Him. At some point this week, between the beach chairs and the sunshine, between the mahi mahi and the jumbo shrimp, I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I was worthy of any of this.

I am a stay-at-home mom. I work hard when it comes to my home and my children (as they are not always an easy bunch to please), but there were moments this week when I felt sincere guilt for the position I found myself in. (Which was a reclining one, I will admit.) I wondered if I had done enough to be there. I thought about our friends in New York city who are raising their kiddos in a 300 square foot apartment with some concrete as a backyard all for the sake of ministering to the inner city. I thought about Sumer and how she is leaving a two story home and her husbands tenure to touch those who have never been touched. And I thought about my week, my world, my unfaithfulness to even the smallest things. And my laziness to almost everything else.

And so every once in a while I suppose I get all serious. I hope you will forgive.

It was just that, at one point, as I stared at the ocean...and how far it stretched....I thought about how much He had done for me and how limitless He was, in all things. And then I thought about how little I have done for Him recently, how limited I was. And I became ashamed and embarrassed.

And I felt incredibly small.


oldwomaninashoe said...

We all need a vacation to the beach to remind us how small we are and what a mighty God we serve is. Glad you had your time with the Father to be reminded of this.

Melissa said...

Been there and done that, too. Sometimes I get really whiny about my life and then I remember, who I am that HE is mindful of me? He is truly worthy of all praise, honor and glory and sometimes I just make it all about me.

Remi is really growing up! Her little tush looks precious in that suit! I love tushies! So sweet!

Robin @ My Blessed Nest said...

I always feel that way when I look at the ocean. I am so blessed in so many ways, and I often wonder why! I just hosted some Christian Russian women in my home...I have multiple rooms, they raise their families in one room! God loves us why? Thank you for the reminder to be appreciative and humble and to remember how big He really is!

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