Oct 15, 2009

Deja Vu

I once wrote a blog post specifically to the Attorney General about how since he was out of town I had to run to Target to pick up a few necessities (because isn't everything at Target a necessity?) and I tripped over something in the floor and ended up spending too much money.

Wondering how tripping over something and spending too much money go together? They don't. My point exactly.

I was going to re-post that little gem, but...
a. I don't know how and
b. I didn't have two kids at the time to blame it on and this time I do. Hooray!

So now I would like to leave a letter to the man I love as he travels back to Texas today in hopefully health and happiness. Though after reading this here letter, both of those are a gamble.

Dear Attorney General,

I call you Attorney General because you are so powerful. Did I ever tell you that? You really are. You are so powerful. And you can run really fast and lift really heavy things over your head. I find those attributes completely irresistible.

In fact, they make up for the fact that you are obsessively glued to our bank account online and once told me, "I know you just spent $20 at Walgreens, so you better hope you have a rash and are able to prove it."

So the fact that I am telling you I spent too much money at Target last night probably comes as no surprise. But it would be wrong of me to let you see how I much I spent and yet, not tell you why I spent so much. So with much desperation and twisting of arm I will admit to you why I spent a lot of money at Target. But don't get me wrong, I don't want to. I do not want to tell you this. But I will...

It was Rocco's fault.

It was. It really was. Almost everything I bought was for him. Truly! He is growing so much and so fast (he's probably going to be a big and strong man like his daddy) and so I had to get him some new clothes. I didn't want to. But I had to. Oh sure, I could have gone somewhere other than Target for his clothes - but I didn't want to spend even more money just to have him grow out of them months from now. See how I'm always thinking of us?

And then, on my way out of the store, he asked for that huge pumpkin scented candle. I don't know why. But he did. The scent probably reminds him of "home"; a place that just isn't the same by the way when you aren't there.

Oh, and he wanted me to have a new robe. Just ask him! He'll tell you.

Listen AG, before you get too angry, just think that you could be the husband to the woman who just yesterday was arrested at a local grocery store for trying to smuggle a whole chicken out of the store between her legs. Wouldn't that be worse? How would you like to be that dude? To know that while you were out of town I was down at the HEB propping a chicken up between my thighs. I'd choose a little overspending at Target, wouldn't you?

Besides, I work out with a trainer now. And I know - from experience - I could have made it outside of that store with that chicken. No problem. I'm just saying, AG, in case times get hard and you need me to take one for the team. Just sayin'.

All my love,


Anonymous said...

You're such a good wife! I'd like to witness that whole chicken thing. How about you try it at home and post a video of it?
Love you!
A Missouri Girl

Genie Marie said...

too funny...I can never get out of Target without buying something useless in my husband's eyes!! He made me "fast" from Target about a year and a half ago...yeah, it's bad! Love the post though...you are one funny girl!!!

Desha said...

I laughed so hard I woke up my baby, but it was worth it. Thanks:)

T said...

I love it! Too funny!