Sep 2, 2009

Rocco: The Eternal Surprise

A couple we know brought their brand new baby home this weekend. And due to my inability to ever listen to what anyone asks of me, I showed up, unexpected and bright and early. And I would like to think they were pleased as punch to see me, but I lie to myself quite often.

But as that momma lay in that rocking chair holding the baby that they had longed for and prayed for - and that some really unselfish young girl has entrusted to them - I couldn't help but think of myself just one year ago. I guess it was because I saw her staring into that babies eyes as if to say, "I know I love you and I know you're mine...but it might take us both a while to get used to each other. Cause right now we just feel like strangers sharing the same couch."

Such are the joys of adoption, I suppose.

For nine months baby never hears your voice - but someone else's. It's someone else's voice and heartbeat that bonds to them. And quite likely, it is someone else's arms they are first placed into. Maybe someone else's eyes they first peer into. And it can leave an adoptive mother in a precarious position; for moments later that child is in your arms, at your home, and there you are (usually at 3:45 AM) staring deep into someones eyes that seem pretty unfamiliar to you.

And so it was with Rocco. I will admit this.

It did not come naturally with he and I. It did not come fast with he and I. The love may have been there - but the admiration? Not so much. I welcomed him into my home, just not really into my world. Whereas he welcomed my food, just not really me giving it to him. And I began to worry because it all happened so naturally with Remi, so quickly, effortlessly. But not with Rocco.

I remember a lunch I had with The AG one afternoon at Captain D's (cuz that's just how we roll) and me saying, "I don't know what's going on...I just ain't feelin' it...I can't bond with this child...he won't let me sleep or eat or shower...and it's like he dislikes me, too. What do we do? Am I a horrible person?"

StretchMarks: Where The Ugly Truth Reigns Supreme.

For all you mothers out there who first felt this with an infant please stand on your head so I will know who you are. Yes, you there...with the bags under your eyes and your bra on the outside of your clothes...I see you...Thank you.

But just as sweetly as he could he gently reminded me that "with a little rest, a long shower, and another two weeks or so, I guarantee you that you change your tune."

Never, ever doubt The AG.

Because just as I was surprised when he slipped into my world. I was that much more shocked when he slipped into my heart.

And boy howdy, did he ever.

Rocco is what every momma dreams of: blond hair, blue eyed, football crushing, chick magnet, mamma's boy. And just when I think he can't woo me anymore, flirt with me any better or kiss me any sweeter...he does it again. And I am reminded once again that God knows more what we need than we even know ourselves.

Happy Birthday, Rocklin. You are my sweet, sweet, sweetest surprise.


Sissy said...

It's hard to even put what I feel into words. I am so happy for you and for this couple you know, because, adoption is a tough road. It is tenuous. It is emotional. Our birthmother couldn't do it, and the baby was never put in my arms. I continue to pray for her, that her life is not hard.

If you run across any more birthmoms out there in Texas, let me know! LOL.

Rhonda said...

Again, Melissa, well said!! Happy birthday little man!

Katherine said...

I felt the "strangers on a couch" feeling with both of my children that came from my own womb!! Dobson is right - parenting is not for sissies!

Candice said...

Is he not the most beautiful little boy you have ever seen!!! I miss him.

Shelley said...

Happy Birthday Rocco, you blond haired, blue eyed, football crushing, chick magnet, mamma's boy. Never doubt that woman loves you down to her toe nails.

Kat said...

This post made me tear up.

I am that woman up in the night with the bra on outside her clothes (and let me just say for the record that a man must've invented nursing bras...)

Like Katherine said, he sprang from mine own loins, but sometimes I think he's from a different planet.

Happy Birthday, Rocco!

Slater said...

I'll delurk myself to say I felt the EXACT same way with my second one. My first daughter (both my girls are adopted) fell right into my arms and heart. My second one, who turns 5 mos old today took a little longer but now I truly can't imagine either one of my girls not ever being mine. :)

Christi said...

Happy Birthday Rocco!

Lisa said...

That little man has stolen the heart of everyone he has come in contact with.... I know I'm smitten.

Big Nanny said...

I got that adrenaline rush, oh my goodness that's the most beautiful baby in the world instant bond feeling with the older one. With the younger one, my immediate thoughts upon viewing her was...she doesn't look like us??? Did I just have a baby with light hair? So, it doesn't matter if you birth'em or adopt'em...some take a little while to warm up to:)
Needless to say, the second one was a momma's girl all the way & still is.

Crazy Sister said...

I mostly felt protective of my own babies, but not much love for a while. They were... um... unscheduled! And difficult! And scrawny, pimply, hairy, screamy, pukey...

But mothers know how to take care of anything that needs us, and I bet you would have knocked the block off anyone who'd looked the wrong way at Rocco even in those first few weeks.

Love can happen a few different ways, hey! I love your family stories.

Shonya said...

Your blog most always brings tears to my eyes--sometimes from laughter, other times (like today) from sentiment. Maybe it's a boy thing. . .I have two boys, one bio (also second born, interesting. . .), one adopted, and they both took a little to feel that major mommy heart tug. But be warned--there is just something between a momma and a boy. . .(I'm beginning to think it's b/c we know some other girl is going to steal their heart from their momma some day, so we have something special for now!)

Carrie said...

I don't know about adoptive parenting, but I didn't feel that instant 'connection' with my son either - he really struggled with nursing the first six weeks, and I had so much help, that I felt at times like the only time I saw him was when he was screaming & refusing to eat - it was rough. So I think that all parents can identify with that feeling at times - thank you for sharing your struggle. And, yes, they really do creep into your heart when you're unaware. :)

Pam said...

adoption is just amazing that way... be blessed! love your honesty.

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

I beg your pardon. My bra wouldn't fit.