Dear Director, You Look Lovely.

Dear Vacation Bible School Director,

I would like to volunteer to serve.

Yeah, I said that.

Upon some further investigation into scripture I have realized that it does, indeed, say we should help to serve our local church body.

So? Here I am! Where do I sign up?

Oh, but before you put my name down just anywhere on that ol' list of yours I have a couple - just a little bitty smidgen, really - of things I'd like to ask of you...

1. Would it be possible to place me somewhere to serve that might be, I don't know, fun? Not that every part of VBS isn't fun - it is. It really is. But I just mean somewhere where there is a lot of a-c-t-i-o-n going on allll the time. I mean, I am a pretty "with it" person (or so my mom tells me) so would you mind placing me in an area of high traffic and even higher chit chat. Of course, I mean chit chat with adults, which leads me to number two...

2. I am not a big fan of kids.

3. When you are considering placing me in an area of servitude would you think long and hard before putting me anywhere without air conditioning. It will be embarrassing to call in sick on day two, but I'll do it. Try me.

4. Another thing to remember is that kids - with the exception of my own, and even that's a gamble - really don't like me.

5. I like to talking to adults. But not mean adults, who can't understand why they can't drop their child off an hour early and pick them up an hour late. Or mean adults, who want to know how their little tyke ended up with a broken arm. Or mean adults who roll their eyes and say things like, "Jeremy is really too old for this kind of thing, but I have to have time to tan this morning so he's coming even though he hates it." Oh, and that reminds me...

6. I really don't like super happy people, either. So don't stick me with anyone who drinks four cups of coffee before 8am, who thinks singing "I Am A C, I Am A C-H, I Am A C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" is just the catchiest thing she's ever heard, or who looks good in shorts.

7. Did I mention kids are not really my thing?

8. Do not - I repeat - do not make me wear a T-shirt. I don't like wearing t-shirts that are matchy and proudly announce what our theme is and that we are in VBS week. I feel certain that anyone who sees my face for that entire week will know that we are in the midst of VBS week. Also, I cannot squeeze Laverne and Shirley into a thin, cotton, tee. I've tried.

9. Kids? Nope.

10. So to repeat, I like high traffic, chatty areas, populated by adults and in almost freezing conditions. I do not like t-shirts, kids or women who look cute in shorts.

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for allowing me the chance to serve this year. I am honored to just be a humble part of what God is going to do in the high traffic, chatty areas of our local air conditioned facility.

Oh...and don't thank me. Thank Him.

Melissa