Jun 17, 2009

Dear Director, You Look Lovely.

Dear Vacation Bible School Director,

I would like to volunteer to serve.

Yeah, I said that.

Upon some further investigation into scripture I have realized that it does, indeed, say we should help to serve our local church body.

So? Here I am! Where do I sign up?

Oh, but before you put my name down just anywhere on that ol' list of yours I have a couple - just a little bitty smidgen, really - of things I'd like to ask of you...

1. Would it be possible to place me somewhere to serve that might be, I don't know, fun? Not that every part of VBS isn't fun - it is. It really is. But I just mean somewhere where there is a lot of a-c-t-i-o-n going on allll the time. I mean, I am a pretty "with it" person (or so my mom tells me) so would you mind placing me in an area of high traffic and even higher chit chat. Of course, I mean chit chat with adults, which leads me to number two...

2. I am not a big fan of kids.

3. When you are considering placing me in an area of servitude would you think long and hard before putting me anywhere without air conditioning. It will be embarrassing to call in sick on day two, but I'll do it. Try me.

4. Another thing to remember is that kids - with the exception of my own, and even that's a gamble - really don't like me.

5. I like to talking to adults. But not mean adults, who can't understand why they can't drop their child off an hour early and pick them up an hour late. Or mean adults, who want to know how their little tyke ended up with a broken arm. Or mean adults who roll their eyes and say things like, "Jeremy is really too old for this kind of thing, but I have to have time to tan this morning so he's coming even though he hates it." Oh, and that reminds me...

6. I really don't like super happy people, either. So don't stick me with anyone who drinks four cups of coffee before 8am, who thinks singing "I Am A C, I Am A C-H, I Am A C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" is just the catchiest thing she's ever heard, or who looks good in shorts.

7. Did I mention kids are not really my thing?

8. Do not - I repeat - do not make me wear a T-shirt. I don't like wearing t-shirts that are matchy and proudly announce what our theme is and that we are in VBS week. I feel certain that anyone who sees my face for that entire week will know that we are in the midst of VBS week. Also, I cannot squeeze Laverne and Shirley into a thin, cotton, tee. I've tried.

9. Kids? Nope.

10. So to repeat, I like high traffic, chatty areas, populated by adults and in almost freezing conditions. I do not like t-shirts, kids or women who look cute in shorts.

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for allowing me the chance to serve this year. I am honored to just be a humble part of what God is going to do in the high traffic, chatty areas of our local air conditioned facility.

Oh...and don't thank me. Thank Him.

Melissa

26 comments:

Big Nanny said...

It sounds like you want to work in a craft room to me! I'll make the necessary phone calls to make that happen. You're welcome!!!!

mommaof4wife2r said...

i do high school kids...i scare little ones. i'm off the list for vbs. and that's ok with me.

Bobbie said...

Sounds like you and I both have the same gifts and talents in the VBS area.

Amy said...

I am soooo with you sister! Especially the kid part and the air conditioning. Why on EARTH would they even make going outside a part of VBS, ESPECIALLY in Texas!

Sissy said...

Was I ever so glad that our church changed VBS to a Sunday morning thing, so I did not have to volunteer!? What a saving grace that was....really. I can agree with you on that, especially since ten months out of the year I spend all my days with kids. I wasn't signing up for that. Good luck with finding your niche.

Mom said...

I volunteered for VBS, but told them that:

A. I would be out of town that week.

B. But I don't like to teach kids anyway.

but,

C. I am great at computers and graphic design, so use me in that area.

I made four dozen cookies, painted a mural of a fish with a HUGE hole through it's mouth (?) and did layout and printing of their fliers and postcards.

I felt good about doing my part in something that I could actually do. And I still got to go on vacation for that week.

Painter's Place said...

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read. I'm still laughing. This is what all of us think, but just can't say out loud. Thanks....

Lynda said...

Amen to the t-shirts - ugh!

Paige's Petals said...

Hi Melissa! I have gone back to work FT and have not had a lot of time for blog reading, but I have missed your daily blog and subscribe now. I am now working at my church. I forwarded your blog today about VBS to my Associate Pastor and he is in there howling with laughter! He says that you are the new Erma Bombeck! Thanks for the hearty laugh today! Hugs!

Tabi said...

Lol!!! So, glad to have my computer back so I can have my morning laugh from you back!

Melissa said...

On. my. ffffffffourth. day. of. teaching. hand. motions. to. V...B....S...s.s.s.s.s.songs.

Nuff.....s.s.s.s.said.

Shelley said...

You are so stinking funny. I love you. You sound just like my kind of gal. Maybe we'll run into each other in the high traffic chatty area populated by adults in almost freezing conditions. Cause I do NOT like to sweat (or glisten as I like to call it).
You will totally ROCK your VBS.

Anna See said...

You MUST go to the craft room. Kids rotate in and out and the rest is GROWN UP time! You don't have to deal with the kids one on one. I know you hate arts and crafts, but this is THE place for you. Unless they have a room for blogging. Do they?

ugagirl30 said...

I got suckered into the 2s, 3s, and 4s. But I have patience with other people's children, just not my own. But we have a crier! Oh, do we have a crier. But you better believe that she stops all that bull jive when I get her. I don't fall for the tears that the nursery director (my assistant) and my teenage helper do. Oh, no ma'am. We put on our big girl panties and we have VBS--no nonsense. And we stay in the air conditioning except for 10 minutes, and I proudly put my "girls" in the VBS t-shirts cuz I love 'em.

Kim said...

Amen sista. Now what do you want to chat about?

Melinda said...

Hi Melissa!
Great minds think alike! I just wrote a post on my blog about my experience with VBS and 5th grade boys. Then an hour later, I hopped over to your blog and found YOUR list. If only I'd had your list before I signed up, just think of the trouble I could have saved myself! ;0)

Found your blog a few months back and am really enjoying it. ;0)

KellyRose said...

You mean you don't sing "Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory-Glory" every morning to Rocco and Remi? Shame Shame.
I might just have to hop on over to your neighborhood and sing our round of morning Sunday School Songs. Yes, that includes..."I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart..Where?"
Thanks for the laugh! :)

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I enjoyed reading your blog tonight....Love the colors and layout of your blog.

Love it when I have time to do blog hopping...I always enjoy finding new blogs!
This month I am posting on our Disney trip.

HotMommy said...

It's been a full year since your last VBS post and this year's blog entry was totally worth the wait! I'm so happy it coincided with my volunteer week too - I needed the laugh!

votemom said...

oh my gosh - this is hysterical! and SO ME! which is why i always sign up to do the registration table in the airconditioned lobby and i only have to really "work" the first 45 min or so of each morning!!

Rhonda said...

Did you know you had a sister in Canada? Cause, yup. That's totally me!! lol Great post!

Rhonda said...

Oh, and BTW .... You make God proud, sister!

Amy said...

This is great! Sign me up right next to you and Laverne & Shirley! LOL!

Be Blessed!

Amy

Sonja said...

I'm totally reading between the lines here, but does this post mean that you probably aren't volunteering to be co-chair of games with me??? I'm sure there will be a smidge of shade that you and I could find refreshing.

Let me know if I need to call Robyn.

Leighann said...

You are a R.I.O.T. Thanks for the giggles.

Amy said...

Two words for you, Melissa: food committee! Oversee the homemade snacks brought in for the "teacher's snack room."