Jun 23, 2009

The Bachelorette: What The Heck Show Am I Watching?

I can almost guarantee you that last night's episode of The Bachelorette was one of the nights when, oh, I don't know, my Granny decides to see what all the fuss is about. Or my mom decides to sneak a peak of the show I am so obsessed with. Or my mother-in-law decides to see just how sick and twisted her daughter-in-law really is.

Yep, the one night that the show is absolutely so bizarre will inevitably be the one night that everyone in my life decides to watch it.

So if that is the case - if you found yourself tuning in last night due to complete and utter curiosity (and also because The Real Housewives of New Jersey has ended and you had an hour until Jon and Kate came on) - then I must tell you, WHAT YOU SAW WAS NOT TRULY WHAT THE BACHELORETTE WAS ABOUT!! I implore you people, give it one more shot.

To be perfectly honest, there were moments when even Meridith and I looked at each other and said, "What is happening here?" Did anyone else feel that way? So here are a few high-lights and low-lights from last nights show. Please feel free to add your own.

1. Where was Jillian? She may have been talking into the camera, but she certainly wasn't there. Did anyone else notice this? She looked completely spaced out the entire show....she's grieving Ed. We all are.

2. Tanner. Tanner. Tanner. Dear Tanner, pull your pants up, put her shoes on and go home. I have never before gotten The Bachelorette and Cinemax confused until you showed up.

3. Seriously? A romantic dinner served on ice sculpted chairs, tables and glasses? Where am I? Canada? The last date I went on I stood in line and ordered a Burrito and split a Reese's while watching a movie. That's real life, people.

4. Reid, you were a nice little surprise. I like neurotic. And I adore sarcastic. So all in all I was pleasantly surprised. I think she was too. I would now like to lift my 30 pound ice glass in a toast to you, but I'm too out of shape to try.

5. Jake went home. This was a high-light for me as I felt that Jake, though kind and gentlemanly, was a tad too cheezerific. My gut tells me that on his way home he helped an old lady cross the street, pulled a child out of a well, and landed his plane on the Hudson. I could be wrong, but I rarely am.

6. I would like to reserve number six to discuss Wes. But I really do not believe that he is worth discussing. And may I just be totally 8th grade right now and add..."also 6 is totally in the number 666 which is like, totally, the sign of Satan. And Wes is - for sure - Satan. And I hate him. And also six rhymes with sticks - and I would totally love to hit Wes over the head with a stick and send him straight to 666, which totally, don't tell my dad I said this, means h-e-double hockey sticks."

7. Thank the Lord for Tivo which allowed Meridith and I to rewind the "Next week on...The Bachelorette" 100 times and sigh deeply in hopes that the person coming back to sweep Jillian off her feet is none other than - ED!

Stay tuned my lovelies, it's just gettin' good.


Cassandra said...

LOL! Melissa you always keep me rolling! I just hope Jake can come back & convince her that Wes is a jerk!!! Somebody needs to get through to her!!!!!!!! While Jake was some what cheezy, he still deserves better than her in my opinion!

southerninspiration said...

I just don't know if I can stand watching any further, but i just don't know if i can stand NOT watching to see what happens!! :0


Lynda said...

I am sure Jake will be the next bachelor.

Sissy said...

I thought about posting about last night's episode and then thought, nah, Melissa will do it way better than I could, and I was right! Bulls-eye! How none of the guys told Jillian what Wes said about being here for publicity is beyond me?! And poor Chris tried to hint about it, and she didn't take the bait. So sad.

I too love Reid. I do. Is he Jewish, do you think? Cause he talked about not having presents on Christmas morning.

The train. I loved the train. So fun.

Can't wait to see what happens from here on out. Those previews looked good.

Kristan said...

I could not believe that not one of those "men" told her about Wes!! I was in shock!!!! ANd I have to say that I like Michael! I was very glad he got picked!! I can't wait til next week!

Kim said...

I can't wait till next week. I personally like watching train wrecks. That's why I love the Real Housewife shows too. I too hope Ed comes back as I don't really like any of the men left. Those men are stupid for not telling her the truth about Wes. They all heard it straight from the donkey's rear ends mouth. And for the record, I like cheesy.

Melissa said...

Can I just sigh a little and say that although cheesy and too perfect, Jake is really just a good guy? I hope when he comes back he will open up a can of whoop whoop on Beelezbub and then be able to sit in the hot seat on "The Men Tell All" and say something like, "Rude, I cut him." or "Do not get loud wit me". Frankly, if she does not wind up with Ed in the end, I think I will not be watching this show anymore until next season when Jakey is the Bachelor.

Lana said...

Amen and amen! Except for the part about Jake - I LOVE Jake precisely because he isn't a skeevy dude trying to get famous, and he isn't some of these little giggly boys like Michael who are just driving me nuts. Jake is a NICE guy - have we gotten to where we don't recognize or appreciate them very much anymore?? Anywho, you make me laugh and I sit and SCREAM at my tv each week when she continues to pick that sleazoid Wes. If this continues I might need a prescription in order to keep my sanity!

Rhonda said...

I don't watch the bachelorette. But i quite like your take on the show.

Oh, and here in Canada, we don't typically have ice dinette set. lol Our sled dogs just lick the heck out of them, and then they get all deformed.... It's not pretty. I went for cherry wood for the replacement.

bunchofbull-ers! said...

okay, i haven't been able to watch any episodes this season.....can i get a quick low-down on Ed?!
i didn't really care until i read this post and now i've gotta know something about him!

thanks a bunch ;O)


Desha said...

How come I (and now you too!) am the only one that can't stand Jake? Why is he so confused about he reason he can't get a girl/ Girl's don't like cheezy, no matter how cute and sexy you are. I still like Jesse and Reid the most, but Kiptonis the one I think it going to be the last one standing!