May 13, 2009

It's The Final Countdown.

Did your Tivo cut off too soon last night?
If it did, I am so sorry - because here is what you missed...

~~~~~~~~~

"Danny, dawg, what a way to start the show. You can really sing. Didn't I hear your wife died? Duuuddeeee...that is hot right there." - Randy

"Danny, I don't know what you were thinking with that Terence Trent Darby song, but it was not good. Did you notice my bangs?" - Kara

"Danny, sometimes when you sing I remember the last time macaroni was stinging in the bank." - Paula

"Danny, you are a Christian. I find that exhausting." - Simon

~~~~~~~~~

"Kris, dude that was hot right there. You can really sing. What a way to start the show. You know you're my dawg, right? Hold up. Hold up." - Randy

"Kris, I. am. so. mad. at. you. for. not. playing. the. guitar. and. I. plan. on. speaking. this. emphatically. for. the. rest. of. the. evening. Bangs." - Kara

"Kris, I am so proud of you. You are beautiful. I once took an airplane. I overate on Cheetos. I hate math." - Paula

"Kris, are you a Christian? Because you have been married to the same woman since this show started 10 weeks ago. If so, I find that completely indulgent." - Simon

~~~~~~~~~~

"Adam, dude. Dude. Man. Dawg. You are talented. Most talented person to ever be on that stage and four weeks ago Stevie Wonder was on that stage. But still - you are better. Better than Stevie and Slash, better than Carrie Underwood or David Cook. Better than Chris Daughtry. Better than Kelly Clarkson. You! Are better, dude. And I'm saying this knowing full well that I couldn't even see you because these glasses I wear are just for show...there are no lenses in them." - Randy

"Adam, I went to the bathroom during the break and gave birth to our love child." - Kara

"Adam, once when I died I was walking into the light and I could have sworn I saw you but then I woke up and...oops...one of my Abduls just fell out of my dress." - Paula

"Adam. Congratulations you are the next American Idol. There will be no voting. Voting has been cancelled. Ryan, tell people to stop calling in. Adam won. The contest is over. I have made the final decision. Adam - you're it. The end. See you all next year." - Simon

~~~~~~~~~~

Did anyone else notice these comments? Surely I wasn't the only one. Let me know!

25 comments:

Kori said...

I don't remember all those comments but I was pretty certain that the Abdul's were fixing to pop right over the top of that little strapless number at any moment. I think this is the only reason that my pre-pubescent 12 year old son watches Idol is with hopes of this happening.

Jenny said...

I heard the exact same comments and also noticed something missing from the show....did you notice that Danny wasn't wearing his wedding ring? My final comment: if Adam wins I will by highly disappointed in America.

HILLARY said...

YOU. ARE. TOOOO. FUNNY.

Candice said...

That's pretty much what I heard! And what about the stain on Simon's shirt... every heard of bleach?

Amy said...

The judges are starting to be very irritating, but they are right. And they do this every year, single out the 'winner' before the end. Remember Fantasia? Yuck!

Adam is the bomb! I love him no matter what anyone says :)

Lynda said...

lol - once again, I can't breathe!

Anonymous said...

Yes! Exactly what I heard. I hope the 20 billion votes I put in for Kris & Danny help them out. I can't stand Adam. All he does is scream!

Stephanie

natalie said...

I heard the exact same comments. And OH! The screeching from Adam! All the songs sound the same with the screaming. Ugh. Go Kris!!

Sticky (not too) said...

I missed the Abdul popping out and I heard a lot more "blah, blah, blah" than you mentioned - But that was pretty much what i heard. I don't even care who wins anymore (altho its no where as bad as the season where that crazy Tyler guy won...shudder...)

Jennifer T. said...

I kind of don't even want to get started, because I might go on forever. Seriously? Adam had to SCREECH on a U2 song! Why on earth did they think Freak-of-the-Week (or the season) butchering Bono's song was talent? I thought it was pure suckiness. The judges are awful. Ugh. But really, I kind of want Adam to win. I'll hate to listen to the Adam lovers gloating, but I want Danny and Kris to be free to do what they want to do and not be bound to that AI winner's contract. Think the AG could represent those two? :) Really, though, I think as many people hate the Adam persona as there are who love it, so I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't make it.

Alison said...

Oh my word! Stinkin' Hilarious!

Melinda Means said...

I'm a die hard Idol fan and have always appreciated Simon's awesome accent and candor, if not always his delivery. He seems downright pithy and bored this season, though. He just kind of irritates me and not in a good way like before. :)

Hairline Fracture said...

I'm watching it on my DVR right now. This is the best Idol post (by anyone) ever. You nailed it!

missy said...

you need to be getting paid for posts such as these. So clever! kara had to do something different with her hair after the scary goth look last week. i couldn't stop having nightmares about it. that and her open mouth. thanks for making me smile about a season that has left me feeling manipulated and used by AI.

snoodlings.com said...

I stalk here but usually just read and leave, but I have to tell you that this post has to be the funniest Idol post EVER. I read it to my husband (who says he doesn't watch Idol, but he always seems to show up whenever I'm watching it on TiVo; just saying) and he literally had tears streaming down his face from all the laughing. Dawg, this post was HOT! This is definitely the kind of album you need to make! Not even one word was pitchy!

Carrie said...

Oh, yeah, we were SO watching the same show as you! :) Adam is SUPER creepy and weird, and I totally hope he goes home tonight...but the judges LOVE him...or at least they have been instructed by the producers to say nice things about him. :)

Kacey said...

Oh how I look forward to your AI recap every week. LOL! Not only are you hysterical but you are so right on!

Faith(ful) Reader said...

It'll be Nail Polish Boy and Widow Man in the finals...you heard it here.

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

This post made my stomach hurt from all the laughing. HILARIOUS.

Gretchen said...

Hi,

I'm here via Whimzie's urging, and Dawg, I'm a mad fan of yours now.

Hi-larious.

Rhonda said...

I love the bangs part!!! Times two! lol And the only thing you got wrong is that Randy always says "hold up, hold up" at the beginning of his comment.

I think, other than that, though, you were bang on!! Especially the Paula one where she rambled without having anything to say. Do you watch Simon when she's talking? That's my very favorite part!

Marci said...

oh sugar....laughing with tears girlie...thanks!

emily said...

Funniest post I've read all year. Loved it. You're going in my reader. Now-like.

Anonymous said...

Love, love, this post! I so can't take anymore of Adam's screaming....and tongue thing. And what's up with Simon telling everyone to remember to vote for Adam and not assume he is going to win...so one sided by the judges. I will cast my first votes of the season for Kris.

disa said...

A片下載,成人影城,愛情公寓,情色貼圖,情色,色情網站,色情遊戲,色情小說,情色文學,色情,aio交友愛情館,色情影片,臺灣情色網,寄情築園小遊戲,情色論壇,嘟嘟情人色網,情色視訊,愛情小說,言情小說,一葉情貼圖片區,情趣用品,情趣,色情漫畫,情色網,情色a片,情色遊戲,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,成人網站,18成人,成人影片,成人交友網,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人光碟,微風成人區,免費成人影片,成人漫畫,成人文學,成人遊戲,成人電影,成人論壇,成人,做愛,aio,情色小說,ut聊天室,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,免費視訊聊天,哈啦聊天室,視訊聊天,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,6k聊天室,視訊聊天室,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,免費視訊,視訊交友,視訊美女,視訊做愛,正妹牆,美女交友,玩美女人,美女,美女寫真,美女遊戲,hi5,hilive,hi5 tv,a383,微風論壇,微風