Apr 2, 2009

Stupid Ol', Don Knotts.

For some reason that is so beyond me I cannot even imagine, I allowed Remi to be in the room the other night when we watched....get ready for the shock and awe...get ready to call Child Welfare services....get ready to leave me ugly, angry comments....a Don Knotts movie.

I know, I know. I'm a horrible, horrible mother. Next thing you know I'll be trying to give her ice cream.

But who knew that Don Knotts and Tim Conway could cause such a stir. My mom and dad and my 12 year old sister were in town and we decided a family movie was in order. (I would now like to lay total blame on my sister - it was her idea to watch it, after all. And if you can't lay blame on a 12 year old sister then what, my lovelies, is the point of having one?) So we popped in Private Eyes and got ready to be entertained.

I have seen Private Eyes half a dozen times since I was little and I still laugh out loud. What made me think Remi would? I think a sure sign that this was not going to go over should have been that there is a murder in the first scene. That's right. Lord and Lady Morley are killed in their car by a strange hand that comes from behind them and strangles them.

You're dialing right now, aren't you?

"But I didn't find it scary!" I told the Attorney General.
"YOU'RE 35!" He replied.

Guess he has a point. So we cut it off. I think we ended up watching Saw. Oh for heaven's sake, I'm kidding.

So now our world has been consumed by the terror she has toward....wait for it....TRUNKS.

That's right. My child cannot be scared of clowns, or horses, or pictures of Queen Elizabeth like all other normal children. No, she has to be scared of TRUNKS. Her fear is that (and I quote) "that hand will come and try to chop my neck and try and bonk my head and that hand will come from the trunk and that hand will bonk me and that hand will hurt momma and that hand will come from the trunk and that hand."

And now trunks are everywhere. They're in the car, they're in the bathroom, they're in the kitchen, they're in mommies closet. Trunks. Trunks? Can you believe this?

Stupid ol' Don Knotts (may he rest). Thank goodness I didn't let her see a scene where he plays Mr. Furley and wears those plaid shirts and polyester pants. She'd be scared to close her eyes for another year.


Lynda said...

Hook her up with some Barney Fife!

Tonya said...

I loved that movie growing up and just about anything Carol Burnett, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman, Don Knotts. My kids (who are 5, 4, and 3) liked the old Disney movie Gus that stars Don Knotts. Try that one and she will be loving donkeys and football.

Teri from Indiana said...

Don't let her watch The Incredible Mr. Limpet, she will never get near water again!!!

Janis said...

AHHHH, irrational fears. My kids NEVER have those. Want to know the secret? When they whine and say, "I'm scared mommy. I'm scared of the trunk!" I say something compassionate like, "HAHAHAHAHA!! You are afraid of the stupid trunk? Grow up! What are you, like 3 or something? Get over it you big sissy." Take that children's services! (Oh and just in case they really do read this, I am SO joking!)

Lacey said...

When I was a kid, my grandparents let my cousin and I watch E.T. I don't think I was any older than 4 or 5, so my cousin was 5 or 6. To this day, she's PETRIFIED of E.T. (or anyone with long, spindley fingers). Scarred. for. life! (I thought E.T. was cool, though... hmmm...)

Maria said...

"Private Eyes" is a fave at this house, tho' I have to admit, it scared me as a kid/teen. As well as another Don Knott's movie, "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken"!

What out for the trunks and the wookalars! Not sure if I spelled that correctly. By the way, did you find "Private Eyes" on DVD or VHS? We have been looking for it on DVD but to no avail. Just curious! =)

Melissa Lee said...


Lynda - I will most certainly try. He is still one of my most beloved TV characters. Him and Richie Cunningham, of course.

Tonya - I have never seen Gus!?! How could this be? Netflix, here we come!

Teri from Indiana - Don't worry, I won't. She wasn't that fond of Jaws, either. Can't figure out why. ;-)

Janis - You're only joking? Cause, I gotta say, I was really feelin' you there for a moment. Ok, I won't try it - though I can't promise anything.

Lacey - I loved E.T. but even I might be afraid of anything with long, spindley fingers. Yuck.

Maria - I have it on DVD. My husband surprised me with it years ago since it was a fave of mine as a kid. Did you check Amazon? Although I think he got his at that Motion Picture Store in the mall (can't think of the exact name.) If I come across it I'll tag you and let you know. ;-)


Anonymous said...

Maybe you should just let her watch the rest of it with you to see how it turns out; emphasizing how ridiculous it is and laugh all the way through and say things about how fake it looks. Dog the film-makers artistic ability. We do that sometimes and my kids join in. Then they soon forget how irrationally afraid they were. They also try to make up their own movies and we watch as many "how they made the movie" sections on DVD extras as possible, so they get a true understanding of how fake and made up it all is.
I know it's so hard to force sense through a childs head. Their imagination is way stronger than their logic.
Just pray. God never fails us.
I'll pray too.

Stacey said...

Oh my gosh, you are hilarious!